Make The Leap Of Faith

Done with social media for a while, gotta bring back my smile, cuz it's been gone far too long, so sick of being ridiculed and scorned, rather focus on reality minus the virtual, I'm still reachable tho and searchable, I'm on YouTube SoundCloud and here, please don't fret too much or fear, once my new album is completely finished copyrighted distributed and officially released, we will see, honestly it's a huge distraction, ruining my relationship turning me back into a fraction, only half of a whole, I know I'm masochistically crazy but he has both my heart and soul, gotta stop going back and forth, my temper is too short, I'm hasty, publicly too racy, share way too much personal stuff, I wanna rebuild my trust, but I can't sacrifice my social life, to avoid another fight, it doesn't mean I prioritize or love u any less, stop with the false accusations assumption and guess, I have an overloaded plate, there's only so much we can control the rest is up to divine destiny/fate, I pride myself on being grateful and thankful, refuse to stoop low anymore to mean nasty or hateful, why do we hurt the ones we love the most, perhaps cuz we're afraid of people getting that close, where they have the power to destroy or ruin u, but like Mr T says "I pity the fool", who tries to fuck with me, I avoid lust and greed, but there's a fine line between, more to fulfillment or success than marriage and money, don't lose urself, in another or wealth, both can be detrimental to ur health, we won't get to choose the hand we're dealt, defined by how we react, corrupted and skewed the truth and facts, manipulated perception to ur advantage, broken hearts can't be repaired by revenge or with a bandage, time doesn't heal all wounds, a job isn't supposed to enslave or entomb, but we still gotta pay bills, over stressing and working kills, more so than alcohol and cigarettes, thinking about re-moving out west, perhaps a fresh start is needed, I regret all the warnings I never heeded, even if u said this is where I'd end up I wouldn't have believed it, I may not be blind but I don't see shit, and definitely don't listen, do u too ever feel Earth is a prison, overpopulated and crowded, my dreams are diminished dismissed laughed at and doubted, my hopeful optimistic light's been shrouded, didn't get anything handed when I demanded it or pouted, I'm no longer a child, don't mind spicy but prefer mild, instead of feeling the burn, growing impatient waiting my turn, when's my fifteen minutes, why do we fall for shticks tricks and gimmicks, I've got real talent and skills, prefer pot over pills, home cooked meals not fast food, u get further being nice instead of rude, altho probably end up last, screw debit and credit use cash, digital sucks I miss cds, gotta start changing I's and me's to us and we's, if we're truly a team together, take the leap of faith and make it last forever!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
9/29/17

A Lil Piece Of Me Died Saying Goodbye

Think today is the day, I can finally walk away, I tried too many times, enabled him made mistakes and lied, but I was only doing it for my own safety, he's been harassing insulting and threatening me lately, to the point of no return, I've never been this burned, first loves hurt the worst, feel like my future's cursed, but I know I will find love again, I'm simply sad we couldn't at least be friends, I hope he gets the help he needs, I don't regret setting myself free, I'm just scared, u can't stay trapped in a relationship out of fear, it was hard enough changing I and me to we and us, being single takes fucking guts, ud think I'd be used to being alone by now, I know I live at my parent's home and I don't know how, but someday I'll find my place, I won't let hate erase or replace, my love for him is eternal always and forever, it doesn't seem like we're meant to be together, I find it impossible to let go, never been one to cut someone off out bench or ghost, this is harder than going to Butler twice, I'm trying to be civil cordial and nice, but I will defend myself, I am getting professional help, which is all well and good, but I'm so tired of being misunderstood, as well as misrepresented, damaging my reputation is something I might forgive but won't be forgetting, I'm beginning to think it was all an illusion/addiction, he manifest destinied his own premonitions/predictions, him not having a support system makes me worried and sad, I absolutely admit I said and did awful bad things when I was angry vengeful upset and mad, I'm only human, but when I stopped and asked what he was doing, to try to better himself and change, I remembered all the paranoid delusions isolating me to become estranged, from family and friends I've had for a lifetime or many many years, Lord knows the endless sleepless nights and tears, it's hurtful when he says and thinks I don't still care, I'll treasure and cherish the great moments and memories we did share, and won't let bitterness or regret, conquer the positive possibilities that lie ahead, who knows what the future holds, neither of us are even 40 years old, maybe in another place and time we heal and reconnect, when he learns to express himself thru face to face talk and not text, or not using drinking and smoking cigs to deal with his stress, he was for sure the best sexy hot mess, and I let myself be his escape, truly wish we could rewind and remake, I mean history often cyclically repeats, I'll genuinely miss his hateful meat fake teeth and stinky feet, kissing hugging and cuddling, even the constant bickering and kerfuffling, there's no one I'd rather fight with, not only my soulmate but a heaven sent life saving gift, he was the first person to unconditionally love me back, colored my world when it was plain white and black, he gave me wings to fly high, I feel like a lil piece of me died, I'll try not to focus on wondering why, I wish him well and good luck but I have to say goodbye!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
9/28/17 

Got The Guts Can & Will If I Must

Breaking up is so hard to do, but we gotta do what's right for both me and u, parting is such sweet sorrow, even tho we aren't promised u should still plan for tomorrow, stop manipulating using fear, I'm not going anywhere, this is where I am at and apparently need to be, we can be together yet still be free, I don't know how to deal with addiction or codependency, why don't u trust or believe this isn't the fatalistic end of we, I accept u unconditionally and ur past, u keep looking far into the distant future moving us way too fast, when we gotta pragmatically and realistically deal with the responsibility that comes with the now, I don't have magical nor rational solutions of any clue how, I just do the best I can, perfection isn't something common sense demands, it isn't my expectation from a fallible man, I'm not intentionally trying to lie omit or scam, I'm simply in self preservation mode, we both are living at our parent's home, and until we get one of our own, controlling and dictating how I spend my time and money will not be condoned, focus on urself, follow my lead and get professional help, I'm not saying this to make u feel or look bad, a total lack of any support system makes me worried scared and very sad, I didn't mean those nasty things I said, I would severely be crushed and feel responsible if I found out u hurt urself or wind up dead, I love u forever and ever and always it's just that simple, I'm like a trick candle scar wart or acne pimple, that won't go away yet so gross, the hardest thing for me is to not see the best in people to let go, I'm totally fucked up in the head and a kinky soul I know, I mean enjoying sucking sniffing and licking between stinky toes, but no matter what I don't regret owning it and I'm not ashamed, sick and tired tho of playing those blame games, who's at fault right or wrong, yes I'd eventually like to get married have kids win Grammys make my own beats and videos to my songs, but that's why I ask for ur patience and time, stop replying ur fine, when clearly ur not, I can forgive but I haven't forgot, some space apart, might heal our hearts, but it's not like that's what I ever wanted, since I've been with u I've never cheated or wondered, sure I've complimentary chatted and shared racy pics, but never made moves kissed been fucked or fucked touched or sucked any other dicks, sometimes we need an ego boost, I can't isolate myself from family friends exes or my roots, that doesn't mean I love u or prioritize u any less, please stop already with the presumptuous assumption paranoia insulting and insinuating guess, everybody gossips and gabs, it's weird u excessively keeping tabs, I can't fight ur battles, I'm not a pup slave or subservient cattle, I'm a unique special submissive passionately driven independent individual, I mean it when I say we're theoretically indivisible, but everyone has breaking points boundaries and limits, just like bondage for me is a necessary form of meditation not a temporary gimmick, it's like writing running jerking off doing karaoke or open mics, I never understood u criticizing my Facebook actions when u have maximum friends and get way more provocative messages comments and likes, it's what I meant by u having double standards, I'm not being mean I'm being truthful and candid, I accept accountability for my flaws and mistakes, why can't u focus on the positives cut me some slack and say thanks, the threatening is deafening, I can't help or stop others from being rude misleading or meddling, I totally understand the guts it takes to trust, u need to fundamentally know I not only love u but lust, sex isn't everything in a relationship but compatibility and reciprocity is a must, thinking texting is an effective form of communication is crazy nuts, I can't be ur whole world ur everything nor ur one and only, u too need family friends hobbies and dreams to succeed be fulfilled not resentfully bored alone and lonely, u can't and shouldn't change either to take on mine, that is a warning/danger sign, my last resort is to cut someone out completely, but like I said ur my soulmate and u too complete me, but if I have to I will and not to simply survive, I can absolutely move on persevere solo and thrive, and that's not bullying being arrogant or cocky, I'm stubborn as hell and won't let anyone or anything stop me!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
9/28/17

Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow

Altho we have parted ways, I am trying my best not to let love turn to hate, ur making it so damn hard, threatening harassing and insulting excessively breaking my heart, like Gloria Gaynor proclaims "I Will Survive" I will also move on be better than ok and thrive, not to spite, I wish u well in life, we all go thru pain hardships and strife, I don't care who's to blame or who's wrong or right, I will cherish what we had, ignore the awful things we both said when we were mad, u focused too much on my past, which ruined our future together fast, misdirecting ur anger and hurt, just made my reactions worse, I love u but I love myself more, apparently pleasing me was too much of a chore, u should've been open and honest with what u wanted from the beginning, stopped criticizing my beats and singing, cuz that wasn't helping, nor was the jealous controlling possessiveness and over sheltering, just showed a lack of trust, this time I was burned to dust, but like a phoenix I will be reborn and rise, I know now I am not responsible for ur suicide, my conscience is clear, I can't be with u and stay out of fear, uve done nothing but gaslight, promised and asked not to fight, right before u started one, 3 hours of sleep isn't fun, especially when I have to handle responsibilities and work, in front of friends ud be nice while in private an emotionally abusive jerk, and I played the fool. let u use me as a puppet/pawn/tool, drove thousands of miles wasted so much time and money, I was duped seeing the best of u someone who was smart sexy and sarcastically funny, u made me feel truly "Charmed", now I'm petrified and alarmed, but I'm no longer trapped, don't have to put up with or deserved that crap, everyone told me, let go and set urself free, in the end, I hoped to remain civil respectful friends, obviously it's not possible, got blocked by too many obstacles, like distance and space, relationships aren't competitions or a race, we set our own boundaries and limits, it isn't how we started but how we finished, which makes me even more confused, why is it that the universe seems to keep love and marriage aloof, is being gay a sin condemning and hexing us to doom and gloom, always the best man never a groom, if things are too good to be true they usually are, I will always defend myself and spar, I'm stubborn and won't give up, but enough was enough, no more healing hugs, this wasn't love, it was an illusion/addiction, there was always friction, we never lived up to what either of us envisioned, my good-natured soul won't be stifled or imprisoned, I will profoundly miss u Kevin, u gave me wings to fly high as the heavens, and I refuse to now be torn down, life goes on and keeps spinning round, things change like people and seasons, nothing has diminished my feelings, what we had has valuable meaning, I still believe we met and experienced what we had for a reason, will forever ever and always treasure the memories, unfortunately our destiny together just wasn't meant to be.

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
9/27/17 

It's Ur Identity Legacy & Destiny

A poem's strength is not in it's length, but if it vividly depicts a journey uve gone or went thru and experienced, is it inspirational or relatable, perhaps a debatable fable or tall tale, some fiction mixed in with non, not meant to deceive or con, but maybe to teach a lesson, it's a blessing to keep people rereading and guessing, each time discovering something new, suspense and mystery are like glue, at least to the eyes, when mistakes are made replicate a phoenix and rise, after all practice makes perfect, in the end only u can answer if it was worth it, do things for urself, I often wonder if it's a proven statistic women are more incline than men to ask for help, as if it makes them weaker, don't ever stop being a believer or a dreamer, hope and faith are crucial to achieve success, as long as u always try ur best, there's no such thing as failure, let fear be an enabler, instead of a hindrance, life can end in an instant, so make the most of it, shouldn't let an invisible man in the sky control shit, with free will the power lies in u, we've proven that humans can fly too, we might not have wings, Whitney's voice would lift me to the heaven's when she would sing, while Mariah wrote her own music, she took the adversity in her life and used it, just like Pac that's what I aspire to do, but still want to remain humble and true, fortune and fame's for fools, popularity seems to mean ur cool, I'd rather be known for my talent, being good natured giving a humanitarian that's valiant, respectable and tenable, classically epic and unforgettable, a positive gay icon and role model, a driven hard worker who's soul's uncoddled, got scars on my heart, but never let it break apart, I've learned to be street smart Bart, curious if God molded me a la carte, since I'm so different special and unique, perhaps I simply haven't yet peaked, and need to continue on this journey, unafraid of the grave or gurney, just enjoying the ride, it's ok for guys to cry, vulnerability can be sexy, relationships are definitely messy, but there's nothing more important than love, shouldn't underestimate the healing ability of human interaction/touch kisses and hugs, enough with looking up, we won't find solutions to the rough and tough, without sacrifice and compromise, feeding the next generation disillusionment bullshit and lies, only complicates the situation, attack the impossible without hesitation, breakdown boundaries assumptions and limits, produce products with value and substance not money making gimmicks, take the time to discover ur identity, leave a long lasting legacy, there's no such thing as random coincidence it's all magically meant to be, remember that only u can create and fulfill ur own destiny!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
9/21/17

Soulmates Forever

"When in doubt remember my lover
We always look out for one another
In good times or bad
Try to make u happy when ur sad
At the end of the day
I wouldn't want it any other way
Ur my world my all
Let me catch u when u fall
Neither of us are perfect
But our future together's worth it
Have a little hope and faith
I'll help guide u til u find ur way
Don't ever feel afraid
Cuz I'll forever be ur soulmate"

-Joe Conscious 

The Self Sufficient Brilliant Diligent Wordsmith Magician

Life is a yo-yo, imagine if everything was bogo, and what that would do to revenue, animals instinctively know to go to higher ground not for a better view, but for overall safety and survival, I don't consider rap artists today rivals, I have my own lane, not interested in playing the record label game, I'm independent and self sufficient, want my reputation to be wordsmith who's classically brilliant, with a work ethic that's diligent, my rise was like I'm an epic magician, miraculous and fabulous, blasphemous and ravenous, yet no callousness passionless tactlessness or savageness, based on old school emcee style talent and skills, murderous rhyming that slays and kills, metaphorically speaking, never stop dreaming or believing, fuck receding or retreating, my fans are existentially relating connecting and meeting, on a whole other higher level, true hip hop's soul and essence has been disheveled, nothing left but lousy imitators, time wasters and haters, get outta here with ur pop garbage, perhaps I'm too brutally conscious real educated and honest, try to stay humble and modest, cuz slow and steady will get me the farthest, I want more than just 15 minutes, rather my concerts be small and intimate, no lip syncing or Jerry Springering, but plenty of peace signs and middle fingering, cuz that's "the JC Salut" which is my signature sign, if good things take time, then phenomenal shit takes forever, with my love by my side together I'll be better than ever, I'm not sarcastically sassing joking or boasting, look at those wanna bes simply coasting, riding coat tails, then the industry wonders why there's failing record sales, digital plain sucks and exploits, buying cds brought so much joy, with artwork pics and lyrics it was a tangible package, what's happened to activist's inspirational moving music is simply tragic, there's no more uplifting messages with substance or positive fighting spirit, they may listen to songs but don't actually hear it, the booming bumping bass clouds and shrouds the words, we're dooming society by inflicting a stifling curse, the next generation's being numbed and dumbed down, the long lasting effects of which is devastatingly profound, art has sparked revolutions, we need to resist and persist against greed and the corrupt institutions, which paves the way to systemic racism sexism and slavery, the lack of empathetic neighborly united bravery is unsavory, wonder who are next savior will be, cuz we're unable to see we're experiencing dire straits majorly, and in my opinion the catalyst was Trump, the world is still astonished confused and stumped, our country/currency's going down the tubes, people think Americans are arrogant pompous and rude, getting our just deserts and what we deserve, history repeating's meaning is I guess we've never learned!  

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
9/19/17