Fucking Suffering Confused Muse

I'm becoming everything I was afraid I already was, just waiting for yall to catch up, my vocal chords lungs and soul make me half black, with white privilege it's hard for yall to cut me some slack, so what I'm a gay rapper singer songwriter who smokes pot, what sort of talent passion skill ambition or dreams do u got, I'm self aware and conscious, brave enough to talk openly and honestly about taboo topics, expressing personal private intimate thoughts and experiences, without the crippling fear of fighting censorship discriminatory hate and other interferences, overwhelming me with help love and worry, but when I come collecting too intense yall run away in a hurry, I'm tired of being used and abused, i can't even see which path is true, cuz I'm consumed and entombed by my lustful infatuation with dudes, who are lost in pain so they're guarded too, but now their insecurities have been empathically infused, i dont wanna lose my witts with the overindulgence of herb and booze/brews, def avoid watching the news, am I supposed to suffer to be the world's muse, I'm just so fucking confused!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
(10/5/14)

The New Golden Rule School

If ur feeling misunderstood maybe u don't know urself, to do that u need other sister and brothers to help, don't get caught up with superficial shit like drugs sex and wealth, i wanna start a new age school, where there's simply one rule, thou shall love everybody, i know it sounds condescendingly funny, but first find ur own boundaries and limitations, figure out what u want and how to get it without fear insecurity or hesitation, isnt it possible im prone to being overly patient, if wallflowers stay too passively waiting, u might miss fulfilling ur fate and/or destiny, music truly is divinely inspiring life saving and heavenly, it feels practically magically/miraculously fabulously sent to me, the ps to this poetic letter, smoking pot makes everything better, toke up, spread love!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
(10/6/14)

A Moosehead Trophy & Perfectly Beautiful Flaws

This RI school threat is getting kids comfortable with living in a police state, parents wanna control and protect instead of nurturingly guiding letting go and having faith, if I got to be patient and wait, then that goes double for u, don't make my youthful mistakes label who I am or define my truths, government's instilling fear thru subliminal abuse, to the point we even ask for the noose, which we need to have permission to use, ur first gut intuition isn't always the choice to choose, be careful not to be somebody's bitch or muse, jesters are truth sayers that amuse, I'm super intellectually deep too intense so i confuse, i often wonder who'll eventually take me down and have my head as a trophy on the wall instead of a moose!

Peace and 1,
JC
(10/8/14)

My family is beautifully flawed perfection, give me so much unconditional love and affection, but overzealously obsess about having job security money and protection, gullibly caught up thinking life aint like modern day elections, staged corrupted rigged and filled with greedy lying evil people, i often ponder if being virtuously just and good is feeble, we are often bound by trying to uphold our own moral code, sometimes the real hell hole is right within our own very illusionary happy homes, like pink sings "in our family portrait we look pretty happy, let's play pretend and act like it comes naturally", my biggest fear is ur all nice to my face but behind my back ur laughing at me!

Peace and 1,
JC
(10/8/14)

Rock Bottoming

Finally hit rock bottom, and all I can do is hope I get pardoned, I've made many mistakes and bad choices, how do u not get overwhelmed by the options and voices, I've lost my sense of right and wrong, anxiously awaiting that one hit song, I don't know how much longer I can hold on, smile keep my head up and stay strong, every day seems to be getting worse, can't see or think thru the hurt, my parents just worry they can't believe in me, please dear God give me permission to have an over abundance of money, not for power or greed, simply so I can help others in need, without it my life has no value or worth, gay sex is immoral cuz it doesn't result in a birth, i didn't realize to be successful u had to be a jerk, sell ur soul to the devil with a pay grade equivalent to slave work, perhaps it's time to move again, but then I think about my family and friends, and I slap myself saying joe this masochistic self sabotaging needs to end, figure out how to make urself be #1, stop thinking so damn much cuz ur missing all the fun!

Peace and 1,
JC
(10/12/14)

Multiple Mini Metaphors

Traffic is a mini metaphor for life, there's an over abundance of aggravation stress conflict and strife, people have no idea how to drive right, i hate late night street lights, unnecessary stop signs, no passing zones and lines, we need more accidents and licenses taken away, to stop relying on technology to pave our way, since when can a gps, really know which route is best, even then most move at a snails pace, coming back home seems like such a waste, I've run out of faith, I'll find some magical super paste, that'll glue the pieces of my shattered heart and soul back together, with the power of love anything can be weathered, i think yall have the wrong assumption of me, i actually have way too much patience with everybody, I've reached my proverbial straw/breaking point, I'm wicked pissed jaded and annoyed, simply put...ive phucking haddit, my humanity switch is turned off and I'm one outspokenly mad rapping phaggot, who's gonna succeed just to spite u, just cuz i love u all doesn't mean I have to like u too!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
(10/14/14)

Breaking Points

Thank u for the beautiful gift of another day, new and old friends to help me find my way, it isn't easy finding the right path, life isn't an exact science or math, my generation is overwhelmed by too many choices, lack one of those influential iconic voices, who speaks on behalf of real hard working people, fighting against the forces of corporate evil, has America become a modern day Hitler, Buddy Cianci is the political equivalent of Stifler, actually most politicians are full of shit, wish congress would do us all the favor and just quit, since they don't help anyone but themselves, imprisoning us in financial hell cells, it's no wonder there's a huge uneven distribution of wealth, doing a number to our mental health, leaving us overworked and stressed out, with no energy for fun or to bout, instead we passively lay down silently, that is until I reach my breaking point and I react violently!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
(10/20/14)

Always In The Wrong

At what point can i give up, when should sex be incorporated with love, i can't even begin, to let go and forgive him, let alone myself, i refuse psychiatric help, i know the problem with me, is my intensity and severe ADD, I'm finally understanding my flaws, trying to nip my bad behavior at the root cause, i really am so ashamed, can't find the faith it's ok to be gay, is my music only a passionate hobby, am I destined to be a secretary enslaved in a law office lobby, or is it acceptable to just be patient, instead of compromisingly settling keep waiting, for the universe to fulfill my dreams and prayer, i wonder if the omnipresent can speak or even hear, my senses seem worse than Helen Keller, perhaps one day my merciful master will let me out of the dark cellar, and finally shine the way I'm meant to, i hope u received the appreciative thanks and praise I sent u, to our Lord Jesus Christ, thanks again for sacrificing ur life, and for the beautiful gift of another day, God loves faggots I don't care what yall believe or say!

Peace and 1,
JC
(10/22/14)

Fight Stereotypes

When's the end of this nonsensical fight, sometimes I hate not fitting into any gay stereotype, proves I'm a rebellious non conformist, who the hell is anyone else to tell me what norm is, ain't nobody doin what I am, nothing but greedy talentless hip hop hags and hams, gay for pay fag scams, tramps who take advantage of use and abuse u, til ur so confused ur turned on or amused and almost immune to it too, guess i should shut my mouth before i find myself in trouble, visual perspective is an extremely small rigid bubble, my natural reaction and inclination, is to pop them without fear or any hesitation, but that makes me crazy and basically is distastefully wrong, fine...next time I'll keep the peace by ripping the grav bong, call yall out in a vague way thru my poetic lyrics in a good song!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
(11/22/14)

Who's My Hero

Yes another new years...new cares...new dares...new fears, which resolution did u choose, i miss playing duck duck goose, I'm just beginning to let loose, i will not give in or call truce, music is what I'm doin and pursuing, don't like me...well shoo shoo then, stay the fuck out my life, i may be gay but I ain't afraid to fight, matter fact I'll kick ur ass, time to go on the offensive and attack, which for me is quite the challenge, but i believe in me and my talents, I'm actually rather amazing, relatably connect with strangers who stare star struck and gazing, being a white faggot rapper's trail blazing, hopefully paving the way for other oppressed minorities, to stop apologizing and saying sorry, living life slave like and robotic, why settle for less then abfab magical and exotic, compromise leads to jealousy and regret, when I becomes we u both tend to forget, to have ur own individual lives friends and goals, bein married with children takes a toll, i understand and know, I just won't sacrafice my soul tho, to me it's still silly, at the end of the day we all have only one responsibility, maybe I should lighten or give up, there's no ultimatum claiming I can't do music and find love, Mariah's history has unfortunately shown, humans haven't really learned and grown, fame and fortune changes people, am I strong enough to be the hero conquering my own inner deamons and evils?

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
(1/3/15)

Turning Negative To Positive

Instead of invoking feelings of spite anger jealousy and pity, i need to change the negative to much more enlightened positivity, most of life is beyond our control anyway, whether we're fat bald short or gay, been losing my cool and patience lately, i expect with all the hard work success should come hastily, why do we jump so many hurdles and hoops, still i feel stupid like a failure fooled and dooped, i gave in and played the game, yet I have yet to see any financial gains, with all these aches and pains, my heart and soul have gone black and cold from disdain, we supposedly live in the land of the free, but there's no escape from needing money, how long will i have to endure, cant every disease inevitably be cured, what about hatred ignorance or greed, when banks and Wallstreet got bailed out i almost peed, i mean seriously how is that fair, perhaps I shouldn't be distracted or care, it's absolutely absurd and comical, i miss when celebrity and stature were based on a person being talented respectable or honorable, I've seriously reached my breaking point and have had enough, it's about time we stand up to fight for what's right...truth justice and love!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
(1/19/15)

Acception

It's extremely difficult to stay positive, almost like trying to be straight acting or closeted, why is it easier to find a married guy with children to cheat, then finding a good decent masculine gay guy to go on a date with me, it's pretty disgusting and revolting, how it's ok to see breeders fucking but not homo bros hand holding, never mind public displays of affection, I'm waiting to be condemned to the faggot section, i wonder what my scarlet letter is, perhaps they'll tie me down and force me to have kids, i still don't understand why what I do in the bedroom is anyone's business, cum guzzling is puzzling I'm wondering does anyone like the taste of gizz, most girls hate giving blow jobs, i love teasing edging it and polishing that nob, chastity fixes any lazy ass misogynistic narcisistic slob, their release dependant upon pleasing u and doin a good job, have u had ur homosexual cherry popped, never knock something u haven't tried, coming out was like Jesus resurrecting after he died, I'm a brand new person, and really dont give a flying fuck if u like the updated version, this is me, I'm happy, if ur not...make a change, explore more of the perplexing and strange, unfamiliar territory can be dicey and scary, but u should never ever ever hate or fear me!

Peace and 1,
JC
1/20/15

Damn Temper Tantrums

Enough with the anger and temper tantrums, it's childish and neither sexy nor handsome, I've gotten so wrapped up in my future destiny, i let living in my past get the best of me, meanwhile had i just been present and alert, perhaps all the failed high expectations wouldn't hurt, i get that people are only human, but when they consistently don't follow thru and, ur bored left alone to ur own devices, that's when I go overboard on one of my favorite vices, life is much more fun stoned, course there's always good ole fashioned boning or getting boned, no matter what I'm ultimately responsible, holding myself accountable is adult like and honorable, but where's the checks and balances for those in power, will we awaken before the toll of the final hour, the more darkness that corrupts and ensues, makes u vulnerable confused and its way easier to choose, the blatantly ignorant lies told by fox news, when both justice and truth are abused and skewed...we all lose!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
(1/21/15)

Letting Go Being Strung Along

For over a year u strung me along and wasted my time, told me u cldn't but started a family of ur own leaving me bleeding behind, let's meet for coffee first have a 420 sesh or beer, not as atrocious as lying but omitting what u share, is such a politician's manipulating move, i have no sympathy or pity for u when they revolted and cooed, can boowhoo while i poo poo u, cuz ur a neglectful abusive fool dude, I have no consideration for hating discriminating nor ur disrespect, i don't give a fuck if u r the president elect, i didn't vote for u just cuz ur the lesser of two evils, I'm not like all these yng numb dumb robotic slave like people, narcisistic illiterate egoistic hypocrites thinking they're better than anyone else, can't wait for trophies to validate and replace the blank space on my shelves, we definitely need to breathe and simply ask for help, the worst judge and critic's still gotta be myself, eliminating regrets the best astonishing and thrilling, the feeling of finishing an accomplishment is so fulfilling, I'll surely succeed not out of greed or spite, but cuz i wisened up and just let u go from my consciousness/life!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
(1/24/15)

Faith Keeps Us Safe

Lately I've been learning to love life, trying harder to be thankful and appreciative making it thru another night, waking up and taking that first breath of the day, reminds me to focus my energy in a calm composed way, u see people can be evil spreading so much hatred, altho I only see the best in everyone and belive they're good natured, perhaps they're just goin thru difficult times, and when it comes to expressing themselves maybe they are shy mimes, with the inability to talk or speak, ignorance and miscommunication is what makes our species weak, on top of lacking sympathy empathy and compassion, the only action is when there's a fire lit under their ass and, it's punishment time which includes whippings and lashings, ur ass will be red as hell and the pain will be long lasting, better that tho than being crucified like Jesus, we need a better Avenue to resolving grievances, besides if I were tied to a cross I'd probably pop wood, losing control can absolutely positively feel real good, i mean isn't that what religion teaches us...to have faith, if u listen to and follow ur heart and gut...He will always keep us safe!

Peace and 1,
JC
(1/25/15)

Window Shopping Love

No u don't get to window shop my heart, try me on and see if everyone thinks we are good for each other or not, so to prove ur love, everyday I want u to hit me up, whether a text or a call, i need to know ull be there if I fall, this once a week or month crap, instigates my condescending sarcastic laugh, if u can't make any regular room or time for me, i will not just give u all my best blindly for free, reciprocity is critical and crucial, one way relationships are abusive non conducive and brutal, they can ruin a person's self esteem confidence value and/or worth, do u only become a man marrying a woman who gives birth, the thought of procreating in an overpopulated world makes me unnerved, what's better to have length or girth, i think what's most important is if it's straight or curved, sometimes with roadblocks and obstacles u have to hurdle or swerve, everything happens for a reason tho, there really is no need to compromise or settle u know bro, many men are incapable of changing but can grow, please don't stoop low and hookup with just any random pro hoe, god loves to bestow lessons like u reap what u sow!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
(1/26/15)

Planet Earth Needs A Rebirth

With all these gmos and bpas, our government's killing us and turning men gay, some plastics contain this alternate form of estrogen, why isn't it regulated or banned then, cuz scientific research was doctored and falsified, big corporations bribed trying to get scientists to lie, as if putting fluoride in our water wasn't enough, where do they come up with this mind control stuff, making us docile and complacent, nowadays the amount of misinformation is atrocious and blatant, even the media is becoming much more controlled, eradicating newspapers journalism integrity and has taken our music's soul, what set us humans apart, was we had both smarts and hearts, but business has somehow changed this, seems making money is the only way to achieve happiness and bliss, truth and facts are under attack, unfortunately there's no goin back, I'm extremely worried our future looks bleak, i wish our economy wld collapse worse than Greece, perhaps bartering will make us reevaluate what we value and has worth, planet earth is in serious need of a rebirth!

Peace and 1,
JC
(1/28/15)

The Power Of Words

I often forget the power of words, they can cut u down which hurts worse, than Prometheus' curse being pecked by birds, within us all both good and evil lurks, perhaps we were both jerks, i really am sorry and apologize, I want to wipe away these tears I've cried, but i can't hide my reddened eyes, seems I've lost another friend, and I have no idea how to heal and mend, I've always admitted im far from perfect, what's so wrong with me im not worth it, am I not worthy of forgiveness and unconditional love, let's not say anything else and just hug, it's sad for sure when a gay icon dies, but it's even more shameful when our chosen families divide, until we all are united as one, my work here is far from done!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
(1/30/15)

Angel Of Death

I know at times I'm intense and dramatic, aren't geminis by nature extreme and spastic, don't understand then why so many are shocked by this, r they just ignoring me or is it ignorance, sexism and racism are like oranges and apples, they're two different types of the same thing it's not that hard to grapple, hate is hate it's never right to oppress or discriminate, the real question is do u believe in free will/manifest destiny or a preslated fate, is it possible to be a random combination of both, i suppose it's not something meant for us mere human mortals to know, perhaps it's more than we can understand and handle, i fear the end of days is near and all will come undone and get dismantled, only after complete destruction can we begin again, i have faith we Phoenixly rise from the ashes cuz spirit's can, death often leaves lingering angels hovering and haunting family and friends, u can see if u truly believe u just need to free ur mind and let ur perception bend!

Peace and 1,
JC
(1/31/15)

Hip Hop Heart

What do I do now, I keep wondering how, did things get so screwed up, ironically finally found love, looks like ill have to leave my heart and my man, here in san fran ... damn, its hard to fathom and understand, the divine hands plan, still just so confused, which path to choose, since I can't have my cake and eat it too, either way somehow I lose, and u can't elude that truth, I miss the days of my youth, when things were hella stellar and terrific, naive and simplistic, while these days I've turned pessimisticly jaded, gotten aggravated by all the hatred that's accumulated, being falsely persecuted and adjudicated, I'm usually rudely debated, as truly intuitively abrasive, with bone chillingly rough edges, overzealous in exploring crevices, even reaching the ones that are the deepest, kept hidden in whisperings and secrets, I made up my mind quite a while back, I gave my heart to making quality poetic hip hop and rap!!!!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
(2/7/13)

Gay Culture

I'm so over gay culture, y'all a bunch of vultures, drunk skunks, anxious to stick their dick in my trunk, my fetish is intimacy, u not being able to read me's called illiteracy, I'm nothing like, ur stereotypes, ur perpetuating reputation genocide, when u lie or tend to hide, ur true sexual identity, nobody's better than me, cuz we were all created equal, just fallible people, experiencing struggles nobody else knows, blind and ignorant to the path u think we chose, always on the defensive, our acting ability's extensive, creating complex webs, to protect what goes on in my bed, I will not be boxed and labeled, I'm perfectly capable and abled, to do or be, something u didn't expect or see, I'm an original individual, who's mission it is to be positive and pivotal, in bringing back, that old school classic hip hop and rap, but the road will be hard and long, especially since I'm the gay white underdog!!!!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
(5/12/13)

#‎problemsoftheindebtunemployedpoor

Got a lot to be grateful for, yet I'm still super depressed and bored, constantly looking for more, u know...to score, but in RI I can't even find a kinky whore, without gap teeth or some sort of a shady cold sore, nor do I have the luck to find an undercover homo bro at the grocery store, guess I'll go get baked and contemplate my life's fate down by the shore, I've got great legs and face but still working on my core, which can no longer be ignored, when it rains tho it pours, just wanna go back on tour, instead of struggling suffering thru financial war, my windows closed so where's my door, when will I fly high and soar, become a big household name like Thor, finding a bill paying job or career is such a chore, much more gruesome/vulgar than blood and gore, I'm constantly forced to endure, like I was tied up forced to drink and swallow it thru a straw, ‪#‎problemsoftheindebtunemployedpoor‬!!!

Peace and 1,
JC
7/31/13

PTown Revisited

On my way back to ptown, my initial visit was beautifully profound, it just has such positive vibes, so why not at least give it a second try, let's see what happens, I do love nomadically traveling, meeting all sorts of people, from the poor ghettos to the lavish/regal, to me everybody is equal, im so non judgmental, def multifaceted not one dimensional, lyrically incredible, being gay makes me existential and special, cuz I'm able to be relatable, making conservative republicans more liberal and changeable, at least on social issues, enough with this obnoxious ostricism prison misuse and abuse, focused on punishment instead of rehabilitating, fuck acceptance they're barely empathetically tolerating, maybe they've been consumed by jealousy and envy from failed dreams, it seems I never get picked to be apart of the smart succesful cool teams, always wind up written off, the overlooked underdog, who was self made proclaimed and taught, but I can't figure out how to gain recognition and fame, become critically acclaimed, its hard balancing family friends and fans, on top of tryin finding a man, plus working at some corporate job I can't stand, I often wonder if I even stood a chance, god laughs when we expect to control our own life and plans, forget like the song says he's got the whole world in his hands, but whats just down right naively stupid and silly, is when humans place blame on him pawning off all responsibility and accountability, nothings for free, ain't worth shit if it comes easy, remember u gotta work hard for the money...hunny!

Peace and 1,
JC
(7/7/14)

Executioner Judge & Jury (Jure-Ree)

Sometimes people (including me) forget the power of words, but lack of action hurts worse, I can't pretend and flash my precious pearly whites, getting out of bed depressed every day is a fight, ‪#‎lolsmhfml‬ means laugh out loud shake my head fuck my life, salty tears stream religiously down from my numb chinky eyes, commence the omgs shocked gasps or laughs like it's a surprise, I've been crying for days for help, when I just want to be able to help myself, what's the point of having these musical gifts, when the reality of life is no one could give two shits, even if I believe in me actually achieving my seemingly big impossible dream, only selling out stadiums and winning that coveted grammy means, I'm worthy of people's money respect and attention, u haven't been in the presence of me performing I'm betting then, cuz if u had ud already undoubtedly know, I may look like ur short bald average Joe, but I'm an absolutely amazingly talented lyrical genius, I'm so not a narcisist overly cocky nor conceited, pretty much just a genuinely good honest hard working guy, i take pride in performing on stage but off i try to remain humbly grateful and of course high, I'm both an activist and a humanitarian, my tastes are extremely eclectic and varying, I'm non conforming and antagonizingly ignoring any and all authority, who made anyone including me u or Judy executioner judge and jury?!? (pronounced jure-ree lol)

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
(1/14/15)

5 New Songs For Second Album

What's the deal everybody? I know it has been forever since I've updated my blog.  Wish I had more exciting news regarding a record contract or any leads to new production/recording people so instead 5 new songs will have to do lol.  Right now I'm trapped again in lil Rhodey slaving away barely making any money.  As many of u already know and heard my song "Shine Thru" was the first new song off my second album,  then I wrote "Prayer Of A Rap Soldier", next came "Please Believe In Me", I also finally finished up a song started in SF called "One Love One Heart", and I literally just completed the final touches on "That's Life".  So far "Shine Thru" has gotten phenomenal feedback from performing it for the past few months."POARS" has also received warm reception from the handfull of times performed, "PBIM" has only been successfully done once with a few mistakes so I look forward to getting better.  "OLOH" is memorized and ready to be performed however I'd like to find a rocker to sing on this track with me. "TL" is written and timing finalized just needs to be memorized!  Anyway, I just want to say thanks to everyone who has supported me and I hope u all will continue to as I need ur help now more than ever! If u can't help me financially at least give me a compliment, smoke me out or buy me a drink lol! Better yet tell someone else about me! Lets keep hip hop alive!


Peace and 1,
JC