Live Breathe & Believe With The Determination To Achieve

There are many things I'm not proud of, but I fly high on the wings of love, anger makes us say things we don't mean, everyone has vices a past and dreams, but do u have the courage to overcome all odds, the ability to reach far beyond the stars, to the intangibly unseen, success is something I fiend, not for financial reasons or the fame, life is nothing like the board game, it takes a lot of sacrificial hard work, when compromising I'm a jerk, cuz I take business personally and make decisions from my heart, I have a college degree but also extremely street savvy/smart, but I'm no better than anyone else, altho I'm not afraid to vulnerably ask for help, show my emotions, let my stubbornness cause a commotion, what can I say I have a big mouth, I don't use fists often I prefer to verbally bout, in other words debate, it's not about arguing blaming or hate, but my sarcasm can get in the way, I don't believe u can pray problems away, nor in an invisible man in the sky, I over analyze and inherently ask why, probably too many times, I don't understand the retort I'm fine, especially if ur not, defamation or hurting people is never my intentional or vindictive vengeful plot, I've got a good soul, I finally found a man who makes me feel whole, even tho we constantly bicker and fight, eventually we put aside who's wrong or right, getting back to basics, time heals but never erases, that's why we forgive but don't forget, not communicating to avoid me getting upset, isn't a justifiable excuse, we're all victims and perpetrators of some sort of abuse, using manipulation and lies, to trick others over to our side, disagreements aren't war, so what are those kind of hardcore tactics for, self defense is a natural reaction, just like when awkward situations happen I start laughing, I don't mean to do that, I need to exhibit more patience and tact, not letting my empathy, get the best of me, ruling my behavior, music is my savior, a universal language, helping me deal with pain frustration and anguish, when therapy booze or pot isn't enough, dealing with excessive stress is rough and tough, we gotta stop looking up, for someone else to come fill our cups, only u can make u fulfilled and happy, why do we perpetually go negative and nasty, instead of mature/classy, don't believe gossiping rumors just ask me, I'm spunky and sassy, but it can be a detriment, I change for embetterment, and for my health, ur existence isn't valued or defined by the amount of accumulated wealth, money doesn't buy joy, yes lots of materialistic things like cars yachts mansions other gadgets and toys, I've never been part of the club of good ole boys, pretending to be coy is a stupid ploy, just be humbly genuine, I aspire to exude respectable gentleman, perhaps also profound, being too seriously deep can bring a crowd down, yet truth consciousness and honesty, are very necessary compared to quiet politically correct modesty, there's a fine line, I'm not a kind mime, but a poetic thought provoking lyricist, never be consumed by fear resist, maybe we need a revolution, against corporate greed and pollution, for justice and equality, Trump's leading towards Revelations and Nostradamus's prophecies, I wanna go out on my own terms, schools teach history but we still haven't learned, should humanity accept defeat, are we doomed to cyclically repeat, I know we have only so much control, let's eradicate poverty hunger and homelessness to create peace around the globe, ask urself what legacy u wanna leave, then be like me always trying to strive with determination and achieve it while we're still alive and breathe! 

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
10/16/17

Done Being Blackmailed Bullied & Sullied

I'm tired of being blackmailed and bullied, threatening to have my reputation and name ruined/sullied, I have had enough of ur abuse, and being repeatedly used, I'm a good person, and I'm working, so I don't have time for ur bs, I never claimed to be perfect or the best, everyone has a past, but focusing too much on mine meant our relationship can't last, u pushed me over the edge, our love is dead, I don't ever want to date again, we won't even be friends, I'm moving on, cuz I'm tired of being conned, I too made mistakes, but I tried so hard not to be consumed by hate, and now I despise u, u lied too, yet I continuously forgave, u never give u just take take take, I'm so done, congratulations u won, blame me all ud like, for starting every single fight, when I was always defending myself, please get professional help, I'm pushing forward in my life, ur Judgmental Judy and Negative Nancy adding so my pain and strife, u destroyed my self esteem, u don't understand the definitions of trust sorry or team, I will fulfill all my dreams, no matter how hard it seems, and I will get over u some day, u never comprehended the difference between sex and kinky fun play, go have another cig and drink, insult me more telling me how u hate my beats and when I sing, ur horribly cruel, post whatever u want ull just prove that ur the fool, my support system is strong, perhaps ull inspire a new song, called dumpster junkie, which I only said after u made fun of me, over and over and over, say something mean steal or break up with me then give me the cold shoulder, fuck u and ur manipulative games, u ruined the best thing u had which is such a shame, now I wanna crawl in a ball and bawl and cry, wish I had guts to commit suicide and die, cuz I despise this existence, wasted energy with the amount of consistent persistence, and it was all for naught, u never remember what I did and bought, u simply took me for granted, kept falsely accusing me of lying cheating and being underhanded, claiming I never made u a priority, being gay makes us a minority, and I own the word faggot, doesn't make me feel like a nigger or maggot, I get empowered, I don't run from fear like a coward, I'm not scared of confrontation nor talking, u should be a PI since ur so good at stalking, I thought we'd be forever, but we're really not that good together, we both deserve better, so this is my goodbye letter, Dear Kevin, no more yelling, I'm deeply sorry I wasn't enough, getting over u will be rough and tough, but keep ur head up, we need to give each other back our respective stuff, u called my bluff, I never wanted to see u in cuffs, no matter how hard u huff or puff, I still say ur consumed with codependency addiction and lust, we can't be partners without trust, it's a necessity/must, guess hearts too can rust, I was ur ride or die by ur side or bust, bubba I was yours u drive me wild and nuts, no more penetrating butts, u can drain the water but there's residual suds, I wanted to plant roots have a family with u minus the blood, too bad u couldn't see u gave what u got, and I couldn't just roll over or keep my big mouth shut, I wish u peace and love, happy birthday but goodbye and good luck! 

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
10/13/17

For All The Ostracized & Excluded

Tho it may seem I haven't written anything negative, sharing it is simply no longer imperative, I've decided not to put certain things out in the universe, cuz I'm realizing like sticks and stones words hurt, but I can't deny I feel censored, wish I could be mentored, by Lauryn Mariah or Pac, I hear each and every tick tock, as I get closer to missing my chance, why are singers required to dance, every entertainer has their specialty/niche, talent skills and gifts, all the superfluous tricks gimmicks and shticks, can't fix the raw ability to sing or spit, but yes we can always improve, instead of emulating just do u, sure u can be inspired, but an exact replica isn't required, imitation is apparently the highest form of flattery, but I consider copy catting assault and battery, it's my image and reputation on the line, so I'm gonna take my time, getting my songs as close to perfect as I can, altho I understand I'm just a man, I strive to be my best, after all I define success, fuck record studios and contracts, I don't need ur bank roll or contacts, this is my divine destiny, and I could care less if u believe it's meant to be, cuz I do and that's what matters most, I'm too humble and modest to brag or boast, that's why I need a manager to help, promote and market myself, otherwise I come off as arrogant pompous and cocky, u really think I'm gonna let nay sayers and haters stop me, I don't give up, on my art or finding love, even with bad experiences and epic failure, whether or not u agree I'm hip hop's savior, I deserve and have earned some respect, unlike the President-elect, I pride on being a good person, that's why I continue working, I handle my responsibilities, my dreams aren't wishful thinking they're real possibilities, I'm not looking for fortune or fame/popularity, I seek existential happiness and clarity, fight for truth justice and equality, I'm not a gossipy wannabe progeny, consumed with misogyny hypocrisy bureaucracy autocracy dishonesty or despondency, but an uncommonly consciously prodigy, interested in philosophy and fulfilling my prophecy, most my poetry is insightful thought provoking and seriously deep not comedy, yes sarcastic and sassy, cuz that's me, a Gemini guy, who no longer lives life high, stoned out of my gourd, I don't blame or thank the Lord, I'm no longer religious but spiritual, this emcee isn't about the beat I'm lyrical, don't fear it tho, college educated and still empirical, extremely well rounded, rap music today's confounded, pisses me off, ya'll can laugh snicker or scoff, I don't mind if u can't stand me, my goal is to win that Grammy, and I'm rather quite determined, to eradicate impostors and money hungry vermin, I do this for the joy, and for all those other young white gay boys, who have ever felt ostracized or excluded, please open ur mind's eye and realize that u too can do it!   

Peace and 1,

Joe Conscious

10/10/17 

Won't Ever Let Up

I'm such a nervous wreck, I haven't really slept, do u know when something's not right, and no matter if u do or don't fight, it just feels wrong, I'm simply not happy with my song, I know perfection cannot be achieved, but there are major differences in what we believe, I don't need u to achieve my dreams or succeed, and I'm tired of other people taking credit, listen to me my critique and edits, otherwise give me my tracks so I can find someone else, ur harsh criticism and know-it-all attitude doesn't help, I'm so pissed off and aggravated, anxious and agitated, I'm not trying to be harsh or negative, but pragmatic truth is imperative, telling me how u feel, thinking ur keeping it real, is actually manipulative and insulting, I find ur hypocritical double standards revolting, u take me for granted, insinuating I'm sneaky and underhanded, while u play the mind games, boy have u got me trained, after all the gaslighting and subliminal abuse, I'm unjustified saying uve possessively controlled and used, still waiting for the list of compromises and sacrifices uve made, no I won't trade, I know my life is blessed, yet the future is guess, nothing is guaranteed, if u cut me I do bleed, I'm simply grateful, not jealous and hateful, like u seem to be, I'm not free to be me, cuz u know I rock it, when will u stop shit, drinking to deal with stress, smoking cigs in excess, or how bout u follow thru, telling ur parents about me and u, instead of focusing on my lies, I understand why break-ups sometimes result in cutting all ties, I try to be a nice guy, I'm good so I'm waiting to die, at 35 am I still young, waiting for this hell on Earth existence to be done, nothing's fair, nobody cares, everyone fakes happy, really miserably and nasty, misdirecting anger, projecting insecurities onto strangers, just cuz they're unfulfilled, don't diminish my talents when ur pissed ur unskilled, we each have unique abilities and attributes, I'd rather market myself word of mouth and grassroots, instead of depending on investors sponsors or sheer dumb luck, I could give two fucks, about ur ignorant opinion, u can't see the sea of debt I'm swimming in, from always doing the proper thing, tell me again how u hate when I sing, u don't know my journey or the road I've traveled, how many times I've had to pick myself up after being devastatingly destroyed and unraveled, yes I too have epically failed, never found easy street or smooth sailed, no silver spoon or platter, both my ego and self esteem have been shattered, but I'm here, and willing to share, when I have excess or a lil more, I am not a slut/whore, I categorize it as experienced, ur accusatory assumptions are delusionally delirious, sorry to say but ur not that mysterious, maybe u should act responsible and serious, we only get one shot, that's why I give 200% of what I've got, financially I may not have a lot, but I consciously bare my whole soul and heart with my art, and if that isn't enough, tough...cuz I won't ever let up!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
10/10/17

Tongue Twisting Rhymes Killing Time

Thru good times and bad, when ur happy or sad, music is the answer, whether ur a rapper singer songwriter or dancer, it's a universal language, whether inspiring positivity or inciting anguish, it connects people, love always triumphs over hate and evil, wake up and get conscious, a lack of lyricism is toxic and obnoxious, where's common sense and logic, when curve balls fly at ur face u gotta duck dive or dodge it, obstacles and hurdles means u need to jump, no one could've predicted a reality tv star President Trump, but hey that's what we got, whether we like it or not, sorry to get political, perhaps ud rather have Tom Riddle, in other words Voldemort, feel trapped in a windowless room with a bolted door, is Earth really hell, with all the atrocity and pain it's hard to tell, even worse than finding meaning and purpose, in the situations and circumstances that hurt us, especially our collective soul, as humans there's so much we don't know, we can't yield the power of the Gods, why in business do we lead with our minds and not our hearts, money is the root of what, believing achieving/fulfilling ur dreams takes passion drive and guts, can u muster the motivation or strength, to actually go the distance or length, or will u lay down and roll over, not everyone can handle the weight of the world on their shoulders, I'm not doing this selfishly for me, it's for the existential "we", I'm super seriously deep, thought provoking uncensored banishing ennui, listen as I'm killing time, with very clever vocabulary and tongue twisting rhymes, that'll make u think yet bob ur head, I'll sleep when I'm dead, cuz Nas said they're cousins, all of a sudden with a push of a button, dozens of gluttons, face Death's naturally punishing summons, and like Pac I'm wondering "how long will they mourn", uve been warned scorned and torn, since we've been born, how dare u surgically alter or morph to adorn, we're all beautifully special in the Lord's eyes, relationships are about communication and compromise, while life and existence is complicated finding equilibrium or balance, striving for perfection is noble and valiant, but it's like the horizon line receding as it's approached, wish there was some sort of instruction manual self help book or coach, cuz I'm still so lost and confused, can't watch anymore negative news, it's subliminal mental abuse, are we destined to lose, my perception's the truth is just a ruse, adversity and conflict seems to be my muse, waiting for the other ball or shoe to drop, maybe dooms day's destruction inevitably can't be stopped, what is our legacy, being classic's defined by longevity, epicness by brevity, where is our integrity, do u too excessively use alcohol and pot as stress therapy, we have a propensity for complexity codependency and supremacy, inherently infectiously incessantly inflexibly desperately and contemptuously have heredity a necessity/tendency/expectancy, for jealousy obscenity weaponry hegemony and inequity over empathy heavenly ecstasy revelry and transcendency!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
10/6/17

Heal Hearts Minds Souls & The Whole World

I keep misdirecting anger, I've become but a stranger, looking in the mirror, wish I could see the future clearer, but it's all hopes wishes and dreams, nothing ever is as it seems, it's just illusions, so melodramatic thinking I'm destroyed and ruined, cuz things didn't go exactly as planned, sometimes we don't see the purpose or understand, why we go thru what we do, everything up until this point has made u, the person u are right now, I often can't contemplate how, did I even make it this far, and my heart didn't grow cold and hard, my soul is still intact, the truth is impossible to find in a world filled with alternative facts, am I the only one who thinks shit's gone crazy, the next generation is spoiled coddled and lazy, especially when it comes to work ethic, what's ur motto/method, to get thru life, with all the pain and strife, obstacles and hurdles, when things go south get rotten coagulated and curdled, which makes existence seem disgustingly gross and messy, miss the good old days taking high rides with the besty, now failed expectations define friendships, not to mention all the fun activities are expensive, especially food beaches sports games parking concerts or going to the movies, course u could sell sex if u got a big dick or boobies, be a pimp or a drug dealer, ain't nobody in hip hop more conscious or realer, fuck humble modesty, I'll give pure unadulterated uncensored honesty, try to be super genuine, a gay white rapper who's not stereotypically over-sexualized or feminine, just ur average Joe, fame and fortune isn't what matters tho, I wanna leave a lasting positive mark, open people's minds and touch their heart, make the hairs stand up straight, not because they're afraid, but they get the chills, from connecting relating and appreciating my actual talent and skills, I may sarcastically jest, I know I'm not the best, I strive to learn and be better, let's existentially elevate and rise high together, unite to fight, for truth justice equality love and light, we should all strive to do what's right, our voices have might, just like peaceful protest, pillaging looting and unnecessary violence is stupid and grotesque, treat others the way u want to be treated, if u said Trump would be President 5 years ago I wouldn't have believed it, I mean a reality tv star, what's worse is this is now standard/par, maybe Oprah will be next, I often wonder if humans are inherently cursed or hexed, I've heard of original sin, not everyone is destined to have kin, but we deserve the chance, to lend a helping hand, provide stability and a family to underprivileged abandoned unwanted youth, u can't make or teach someone to be homosexual so that point is moot, I'm sick and tired of illogical screwed up excuses, when we lack compassion empathy or sympathy our collective soul loses, whether u say salute peace or blessed be, please like Mike sang "make it a better place for u and for me"!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
10/5/17   

Song's Wrong Deadlines Come & Gone

It's hard to have all this passion, while others ride coattails without taking action, I've given u weeks that turned to months into years, spent all this money yet u won't follow thru is my biggest fear, what am I supposed to do now, I can't contemplate nor understand how, the deadline has come and gone, the final versions are still wrong, uve taken no time upon urself, I've always been there to help, which I like, and I don't want to fight, but this is ridiculous, most producers are hypocrites, wanna charge an arm and a leg upfront, then they get lazy when we're approaching being done, I'm about to lose my patience, I'm waiting growing ancient and anxious, I have no more recourse, and I don't want my songs to be rushed or forced, but u dilly dallied far too long, u haven't 100% completed one song, I don't think I'm being unreasonable, ur effort's negligible and treasonable, not trying to be a jerk, just do the fucking work, like u promised, if I'm being honest, perhaps u should master faster, ur pace is slower than Scooby Do and Shaggy trying to capture Casper, otherwise I'm screwed, this is mental and spiritual abuse, I'm tired and fed up, got nothing but love, I'm sorry tho enough is enough, all our lives are busy and tough, we have a verbal agreement and written contract, I shouldn't have to find another producer to credit for the skills u lack, it's basically too late, I need a miracle or to at least catch a break, my temper is on the rise, no matter how many tears I've cried, I don't feel better, thought we were so good together, yet I'm so stressed, I'm a hot mess, misdirecting my annoyance and frustration, close but not yet to the point of summation, very aggravated and pissed, I want my album to be on adults and kids' wish lists, I question if it'll be ready for the holiday season, what is the meaning and cosmic reasoning, for having to deal with this crap, can't start from scratch, there's no rewind or redo, hope has pulled me thru, tho my faith is fading, my energy level's waning, I gotta stay strong, keep holding on, just like my lyrics say, this is not only for me but for each and every gay, and altho yes I am also white, let me be a guiding shining light, spreading some truth and consciousness, eradicating the toxic pop hip hop obnoxiousness, bringing back that old school style rap, bridge that mile high wild gap, making music refreshingly new and cool, commercially appealing chart topping epic ground breaking classics that rule, nobody can do what I do, I'm not being cocky it's simply true, exposing the tools and fools, refusing to do battles or duels, cuz I'm not about bashing and minimizing others, this is for everyone the fathers mothers sisters and brothers!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
10/4/17 

Gratefully Graciously & Greatly Treasured

Forgiveness isn't limitless, but should be a litmus, to test one's faith in people, do u agree that good will always triumph over evil, then have hope, I'm hanging on by a single thread of hemp rope, which is about to give out, so sick of life and the constant bout, I really don't know how, to graciously take a bow, when I'm misinterpreted and misunderstood, why did I give too much more than what I took, helping others helps ourselves, overworking and stress are detrimental to our health, forget about drugs, there's healing powers in hugs, I'm wondering like Black Eyed Peas "Where Is The Love", why do we keep looking up, for solutions and answers, I think human beings are cancer, consuming and destroying everything in the wake of it's path, but we underestimate mother nature the cosmos and the divine universe's wrath, we aren't Gods, do u say hi with daps a half hug and a pat on the back or a simple head nod, I guess it depends on the connection, in the gay community friends more than family are a blessing, however I have both, a solid support system not to gloat, that doesn't mean I'm absolved from problems tho, adversity more so than achievement gives us the ability to grow, it's funny how many catch 22s, that appear to be lose lose, wish ya'll could walk a day in my shoes, understand why like Craft macaroni and cheese I got the blues, who's rules are the ones to follow, we're not promised but should still plan for tomorrow, don't live out of fear or with regrets, just at least try ur best, that is all anyone can ask, remove the politically correct disingenuous masks, be who u truly are, whether near or far, time distance nor space, could ever replace or erase, the desire to be with u, even if I'm a masochistic naive ignorant fool, it's my right and choice, sorry if u don't like my singing voice, I'm still gonna express my soul, reach my dreams/goals, with or without a partner, am I a flower or a gardener, not selfish but definitely self centered, I've never been guided or mentored, about how to be gay or a sustainable independent artist, it's almost impossible to sell urself when ur humble and modest, I wanna stay level headed and grounded, the pavement ahead of me has been pounded, while still having a day job to pay bills, celebrity today isn't about talent or skills, it's sheer popularity, I don't need to rely on gimmicks a sexy image or vulgarities, I fantasize about going on tour, my songs may be a lil wordy deep intense and long but I guarantee ur not bored, I'm spreading truth love and consciousness, censorship is feeding the obnoxiousness, fuck dumbing down, I wanna be inspirational classic and profound, I hate pop hip hop, a lack of lyrical content needs to stop, who cares about the beat, and if it makes u dance or at least tap ur feet, what are u trying to accomplish and say, do u have meaning or a reason, give something to passionately believe in evoking chilling hair raising goose bump producing feeling, I'm kneeling praying, dealing with the world changing, for worse or for better, being cursed hurts but we can weather the storms together, u define happiness and how success is measured, existence itself should gratefully and graciously be greatly treasured!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
10/3/17

Make The Leap Of Faith

Done with social media for a while, gotta bring back my smile, cuz it's been gone far too long, so sick of being ridiculed and scorned, rather focus on reality minus the virtual, I'm still reachable tho and searchable, I'm on YouTube SoundCloud and here, please don't fret too much or fear, once my new album is completely finished copyrighted distributed and officially released, we will see, honestly it's a huge distraction, ruining my relationship turning me back into a fraction, only half of a whole, I know I'm masochistically crazy but he has both my heart and soul, gotta stop going back and forth, my temper is too short, I'm hasty, publicly too racy, share way too much personal stuff, I wanna rebuild my trust, but I can't sacrifice my social life, to avoid another fight, it doesn't mean I prioritize or love u any less, stop with the false accusations assumption and guess, I have an overloaded plate, there's only so much we can control the rest is up to divine destiny/fate, I pride myself on being grateful and thankful, refuse to stoop low anymore to mean nasty or hateful, why do we hurt the ones we love the most, perhaps cuz we're afraid of people getting that close, where they have the power to destroy or ruin u, but like Mr T says "I pity the fool", who tries to fuck with me, I avoid lust and greed, but there's a fine line between, more to fulfillment or success than marriage and money, don't lose urself, in another or wealth, both can be detrimental to ur health, we won't get to choose the hand we're dealt, defined by how we react, corrupted and skewed the truth and facts, manipulated perception to ur advantage, broken hearts can't be repaired by revenge or with a bandage, time doesn't heal all wounds, a job isn't supposed to enslave or entomb, but we still gotta pay bills, over stressing and working kills, more so than alcohol and cigarettes, thinking about re-moving out west, perhaps a fresh start is needed, I regret all the warnings I never heeded, even if u said this is where I'd end up I wouldn't have believed it, I may not be blind but I don't see shit, and definitely don't listen, do u too ever feel Earth is a prison, overpopulated and crowded, my dreams are diminished dismissed laughed at and doubted, my hopeful optimistic light's been shrouded, didn't get anything handed when I demanded it or pouted, I'm no longer a child, don't mind spicy but prefer mild, instead of feeling the burn, growing impatient waiting my turn, when's my fifteen minutes, why do we fall for shticks tricks and gimmicks, I've got real talent and skills, prefer pot over pills, home cooked meals not fast food, u get further being nice instead of rude, altho probably end up last, screw debit and credit use cash, digital sucks I miss cds, gotta start changing I's and me's to us and we's, if we're truly a team together, take the leap of faith and make it last forever!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
9/29/17

A Lil Piece Of Me Died Saying Goodbye

Think today is the day, I can finally walk away, I tried too many times, enabled him made mistakes and lied, but I was only doing it for my own safety, he's been harassing insulting and threatening me lately, to the point of no return, I've never been this burned, first loves hurt the worst, feel like my future's cursed, but I know I will find love again, I'm simply sad we couldn't at least be friends, I hope he gets the help he needs, I don't regret setting myself free, I'm just scared, u can't stay trapped in a relationship out of fear, it was hard enough changing I and me to we and us, being single takes fucking guts, ud think I'd be used to being alone by now, I know I live at my parent's home and I don't know how, but someday I'll find my place, I won't let hate erase or replace, my love for him is eternal always and forever, it doesn't seem like we're meant to be together, I find it impossible to let go, never been one to cut someone off out bench or ghost, this is harder than going to Butler twice, I'm trying to be civil cordial and nice, but I will defend myself, I am getting professional help, which is all well and good, but I'm so tired of being misunderstood, as well as misrepresented, damaging my reputation is something I might forgive but won't be forgetting, I'm beginning to think it was all an illusion/addiction, he manifest destinied his own premonitions/predictions, him not having a support system makes me worried and sad, I absolutely admit I said and did awful bad things when I was angry vengeful upset and mad, I'm only human, but when I stopped and asked what he was doing, to try to better himself and change, I remembered all the paranoid delusions isolating me to become estranged, from family and friends I've had for a lifetime or many many years, Lord knows the endless sleepless nights and tears, it's hurtful when he says and thinks I don't still care, I'll treasure and cherish the great moments and memories we did share, and won't let bitterness or regret, conquer the positive possibilities that lie ahead, who knows what the future holds, neither of us are even 40 years old, maybe in another place and time we heal and reconnect, when he learns to express himself thru face to face talk and not text, or not using drinking and smoking cigs to deal with his stress, he was for sure the best sexy hot mess, and I let myself be his escape, truly wish we could rewind and remake, I mean history often cyclically repeats, I'll genuinely miss his hateful meat fake teeth and stinky feet, kissing hugging and cuddling, even the constant bickering and kerfuffling, there's no one I'd rather fight with, not only my soulmate but a heaven sent life saving gift, he was the first person to unconditionally love me back, colored my world when it was plain white and black, he gave me wings to fly high, I feel like a lil piece of me died, I'll try not to focus on wondering why, I wish him well and good luck but I have to say goodbye!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
9/28/17 

Got The Guts Can & Will If I Must

Breaking up is so hard to do, but we gotta do what's right for both me and u, parting is such sweet sorrow, even tho we aren't promised u should still plan for tomorrow, stop manipulating using fear, I'm not going anywhere, this is where I am at and apparently need to be, we can be together yet still be free, I don't know how to deal with addiction or codependency, why don't u trust or believe this isn't the fatalistic end of we, I accept u unconditionally and ur past, u keep looking far into the distant future moving us way too fast, when we gotta pragmatically and realistically deal with the responsibility that comes with the now, I don't have magical nor rational solutions of any clue how, I just do the best I can, perfection isn't something common sense demands, it isn't my expectation from a fallible man, I'm not intentionally trying to lie omit or scam, I'm simply in self preservation mode, we both are living at our parent's home, and until we get one of our own, controlling and dictating how I spend my time and money will not be condoned, focus on urself, follow my lead and get professional help, I'm not saying this to make u feel or look bad, a total lack of any support system makes me worried scared and very sad, I didn't mean those nasty things I said, I would severely be crushed and feel responsible if I found out u hurt urself or wind up dead, I love u forever and ever and always it's just that simple, I'm like a trick candle scar wart or acne pimple, that won't go away yet so gross, the hardest thing for me is to not see the best in people to let go, I'm totally fucked up in the head and a kinky soul I know, I mean enjoying sucking sniffing and licking between stinky toes, but no matter what I don't regret owning it and I'm not ashamed, sick and tired tho of playing those blame games, who's at fault right or wrong, yes I'd eventually like to get married have kids win Grammys make my own beats and videos to my songs, but that's why I ask for ur patience and time, stop replying ur fine, when clearly ur not, I can forgive but I haven't forgot, some space apart, might heal our hearts, but it's not like that's what I ever wanted, since I've been with u I've never cheated or wondered, sure I've complimentary chatted and shared racy pics, but never made moves kissed been fucked or fucked touched or sucked any other dicks, sometimes we need an ego boost, I can't isolate myself from family friends exes or my roots, that doesn't mean I love u or prioritize u any less, please stop already with the presumptuous assumption paranoia insulting and insinuating guess, everybody gossips and gabs, it's weird u excessively keeping tabs, I can't fight ur battles, I'm not a pup slave or subservient cattle, I'm a unique special submissive passionately driven independent individual, I mean it when I say we're theoretically indivisible, but everyone has breaking points boundaries and limits, just like bondage for me is a necessary form of meditation not a temporary gimmick, it's like writing running jerking off doing karaoke or open mics, I never understood u criticizing my Facebook actions when u have maximum friends and get way more provocative messages comments and likes, it's what I meant by u having double standards, I'm not being mean I'm being truthful and candid, I accept accountability for my flaws and mistakes, why can't u focus on the positives cut me some slack and say thanks, the threatening is deafening, I can't help or stop others from being rude misleading or meddling, I totally understand the guts it takes to trust, u need to fundamentally know I not only love u but lust, sex isn't everything in a relationship but compatibility and reciprocity is a must, thinking texting is an effective form of communication is crazy nuts, I can't be ur whole world ur everything nor ur one and only, u too need family friends hobbies and dreams to succeed be fulfilled not resentfully bored alone and lonely, u can't and shouldn't change either to take on mine, that is a warning/danger sign, my last resort is to cut someone out completely, but like I said ur my soulmate and u too complete me, but if I have to I will and not to simply survive, I can absolutely move on persevere solo and thrive, and that's not bullying being arrogant or cocky, I'm stubborn as hell and won't let anyone or anything stop me!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
9/28/17

Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow

Altho we have parted ways, I am trying my best not to let love turn to hate, ur making it so damn hard, threatening harassing and insulting excessively breaking my heart, like Gloria Gaynor proclaims "I Will Survive" I will also move on be better than ok and thrive, not to spite, I wish u well in life, we all go thru pain hardships and strife, I don't care who's to blame or who's wrong or right, I will cherish what we had, ignore the awful things we both said when we were mad, u focused too much on my past, which ruined our future together fast, misdirecting ur anger and hurt, just made my reactions worse, I love u but I love myself more, apparently pleasing me was too much of a chore, u should've been open and honest with what u wanted from the beginning, stopped criticizing my beats and singing, cuz that wasn't helping, nor was the jealous controlling possessiveness and over sheltering, just showed a lack of trust, this time I was burned to dust, but like a phoenix I will be reborn and rise, I know now I am not responsible for ur suicide, my conscience is clear, I can't be with u and stay out of fear, uve done nothing but gaslight, promised and asked not to fight, right before u started one, 3 hours of sleep isn't fun, especially when I have to handle responsibilities and work, in front of friends ud be nice while in private an emotionally abusive jerk, and I played the fool. let u use me as a puppet/pawn/tool, drove thousands of miles wasted so much time and money, I was duped seeing the best of u someone who was smart sexy and sarcastically funny, u made me feel truly "Charmed", now I'm petrified and alarmed, but I'm no longer trapped, don't have to put up with or deserved that crap, everyone told me, let go and set urself free, in the end, I hoped to remain civil respectful friends, obviously it's not possible, got blocked by too many obstacles, like distance and space, relationships aren't competitions or a race, we set our own boundaries and limits, it isn't how we started but how we finished, which makes me even more confused, why is it that the universe seems to keep love and marriage aloof, is being gay a sin condemning and hexing us to doom and gloom, always the best man never a groom, if things are too good to be true they usually are, I will always defend myself and spar, I'm stubborn and won't give up, but enough was enough, no more healing hugs, this wasn't love, it was an illusion/addiction, there was always friction, we never lived up to what either of us envisioned, my good-natured soul won't be stifled or imprisoned, I will profoundly miss u Kevin, u gave me wings to fly high as the heavens, and I refuse to now be torn down, life goes on and keeps spinning round, things change like people and seasons, nothing has diminished my feelings, what we had has valuable meaning, I still believe we met and experienced what we had for a reason, will forever ever and always treasure the memories, unfortunately our destiny together just wasn't meant to be.

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
9/27/17 

It's Ur Identity Legacy & Destiny

A poem's strength is not in it's length, but if it vividly depicts a journey uve gone or went thru and experienced, is it inspirational or relatable, perhaps a debatable fable or tall tale, some fiction mixed in with non, not meant to deceive or con, but maybe to teach a lesson, it's a blessing to keep people rereading and guessing, each time discovering something new, suspense and mystery are like glue, at least to the eyes, when mistakes are made replicate a phoenix and rise, after all practice makes perfect, in the end only u can answer if it was worth it, do things for urself, I often wonder if it's a proven statistic women are more incline than men to ask for help, as if it makes them weaker, don't ever stop being a believer or a dreamer, hope and faith are crucial to achieve success, as long as u always try ur best, there's no such thing as failure, let fear be an enabler, instead of a hindrance, life can end in an instant, so make the most of it, shouldn't let an invisible man in the sky control shit, with free will the power lies in u, we've proven that humans can fly too, we might not have wings, Whitney's voice would lift me to the heaven's when she would sing, while Mariah wrote her own music, she took the adversity in her life and used it, just like Pac that's what I aspire to do, but still want to remain humble and true, fortune and fame's for fools, popularity seems to mean ur cool, I'd rather be known for my talent, being good natured giving a humanitarian that's valiant, respectable and tenable, classically epic and unforgettable, a positive gay icon and role model, a driven hard worker who's soul's uncoddled, got scars on my heart, but never let it break apart, I've learned to be street smart Bart, curious if God molded me a la carte, since I'm so different special and unique, perhaps I simply haven't yet peaked, and need to continue on this journey, unafraid of the grave or gurney, just enjoying the ride, it's ok for guys to cry, vulnerability can be sexy, relationships are definitely messy, but there's nothing more important than love, shouldn't underestimate the healing ability of human interaction/touch kisses and hugs, enough with looking up, we won't find solutions to the rough and tough, without sacrifice and compromise, feeding the next generation disillusionment bullshit and lies, only complicates the situation, attack the impossible without hesitation, breakdown boundaries assumptions and limits, produce products with value and substance not money making gimmicks, take the time to discover ur identity, leave a long lasting legacy, there's no such thing as random coincidence it's all magically meant to be, remember that only u can create and fulfill ur own destiny!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
9/21/17

Soulmates Forever

"When in doubt remember my lover
We always look out for one another
In good times or bad
Try to make u happy when ur sad
At the end of the day
I wouldn't want it any other way
Ur my world my all
Let me catch u when u fall
Neither of us are perfect
But our future together's worth it
Have a little hope and faith
I'll help guide u til u find ur way
Don't ever feel afraid
Cuz I'll forever be ur soulmate"

-Joe Conscious 

The Self Sufficient Brilliant Diligent Wordsmith Magician

Life is a yo-yo, imagine if everything was bogo, and what that would do to revenue, animals instinctively know to go to higher ground not for a better view, but for overall safety and survival, I don't consider rap artists today rivals, I have my own lane, not interested in playing the record label game, I'm independent and self sufficient, want my reputation to be wordsmith who's classically brilliant, with a work ethic that's diligent, my rise was like I'm an epic magician, miraculous and fabulous, blasphemous and ravenous, yet no callousness passionless tactlessness or savageness, based on old school emcee style talent and skills, murderous rhyming that slays and kills, metaphorically speaking, never stop dreaming or believing, fuck receding or retreating, my fans are existentially relating connecting and meeting, on a whole other higher level, true hip hop's soul and essence has been disheveled, nothing left but lousy imitators, time wasters and haters, get outta here with ur pop garbage, perhaps I'm too brutally conscious real educated and honest, try to stay humble and modest, cuz slow and steady will get me the farthest, I want more than just 15 minutes, rather my concerts be small and intimate, no lip syncing or Jerry Springering, but plenty of peace signs and middle fingering, cuz that's "the JC Salut" which is my signature sign, if good things take time, then phenomenal shit takes forever, with my love by my side together I'll be better than ever, I'm not sarcastically sassing joking or boasting, look at those wanna bes simply coasting, riding coat tails, then the industry wonders why there's failing record sales, digital plain sucks and exploits, buying cds brought so much joy, with artwork pics and lyrics it was a tangible package, what's happened to activist's inspirational moving music is simply tragic, there's no more uplifting messages with substance or positive fighting spirit, they may listen to songs but don't actually hear it, the booming bumping bass clouds and shrouds the words, we're dooming society by inflicting a stifling curse, the next generation's being numbed and dumbed down, the long lasting effects of which is devastatingly profound, art has sparked revolutions, we need to resist and persist against greed and the corrupt institutions, which paves the way to systemic racism sexism and slavery, the lack of empathetic neighborly united bravery is unsavory, wonder who are next savior will be, cuz we're unable to see we're experiencing dire straits majorly, and in my opinion the catalyst was Trump, the world is still astonished confused and stumped, our country/currency's going down the tubes, people think Americans are arrogant pompous and rude, getting our just deserts and what we deserve, history repeating's meaning is I guess we've never learned!  

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
9/19/17

A Friction Addiction

Been totally lacking inspiration, I wanna be great again, but where is the love, why I am not good enough, so many people are ungrateful, consumed with bitterness resentment and hateful, when I'm over here busting my ass, and all I get in return is sarcasm and passive aggressive condescending sass, I can't even be social anymore, cuz apparently my reputation is lying cheating whore, even tho all that may have happened in the past, ur quick to judge fast, playing mind games, thinking u can help me find fame, and music success, only u can help make me the best, which in fact is wicked insulting, I find jealousy and controlling possessiveness revolting, relationships are built on trust, open and honest communication is also a must, and I don't mean thru text, instead of focusing so much on the futuristic next, how about we live in the now, ur performance is over so take a bow, get off ur moral high horse, I'll die of remorse, from having to apologize for my lies, but a lack of responsibility on ur part is what'll be our demise, it's always up to me, like hotel rooms and rides are free, not to mention without my parent's house we have no where to go, who's fault is that none other than Joe, that's right, I started the fight, cuz I actually defend myself, am getting professional help, unlike u, I guess I'm the fool, to think that u can change, ur double standards are strange, constantly going at it tit for tat, u claim uve got my back, but no follow thru, what did u do, what compromises or sacrifices have u made, let's count the number of times I've paid, I'm not keeping score, u buy a half pint and a few nips yet still drink more, most of the tab is yours, only vanilla sex of course I'm bored, while uve only bottomed once, why do u treat me like some annoying cheating cunt, I'm not ur ex, but perhaps in love we're hexed, cause all we do is argue and bicker, mine's longer and urs is thicker, it's not a competition babe, don't pretend ur perfectly well behaved, we're simply human, wtf are u doing, to make ur situation better, ur jinxing shit saying together forever, let's see what happens in the next few months, I swear sometimes it's like u want me ostracized and shunned, not allowed out without permission, instead of buying pain meds off the street go to the doctor and get a prescription, not sure if u really love me or if it's just an addiction, there's this never ending friction, that lingers between us, suck on these nuts, if u think I'm gonna just roll over, stop adding to the boulder on my shoulders, misery may love company, but I want someone who lifts up supports and comforts me, ur bringing me down, this realization is rather profound, I think I continue to choose wrong, I believe ur a lesson I need to learn and put into a brand new song!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
9/18/17

Enough Cuz This Isn't Love

Can't write anything nice, so now I think twice, about posting poems, that stupid saying sticks and stones, is bullshit and a lie, u know why, cuz words hurt worse, lately my gift feels like a curse, perhaps I won't share, since people don't seem to care, they want racy semi naked dick pics or funny memes, ya'll laugh in my face when I tell u my dreams, u aren't supportive, ur extortive, looking for shit, just to threaten me with, u blackmail and criticize, focus on only my lies, when u don't know the meaning of truth or trust, ur a codependent crutch too much, possessive and controlling, I'm done pampering and consoling, too giving with lil receiving, ur excuses and apologies aren't worth believing, u use me as an escape, I can't magically make ur problems go away, u have to deal with them, stop playing victim and take accountability then, same troubles uve had before we met, u talk about me but how bout u follow thru on one of ur multiple bets, or better yet getting help, why don't u focus on urself, like u keep saying u will, after this weekend u can pick up the hotel bill, and find ur own rides, told u not to smoke cigs in my car many times, and I won't loan u anymore money, u think withholding sex and threatening is funny, u tell me don't say things I don't mean, u drink like a fiend, buying half pints and nips before goin out to the bar, look at the mileage I racked up driving to Fall River which is far, I've forgiven u, unlimited too, even drove to Boston to pick up ur friend, right after u broke up with me yet again, and he stayed at my parent's house, ur pissed at me cuz ur no longer allowed, it's rather silly, u don't take any responsibility, actually it's very annoying, my anxiety and blood pressure's so high I'm boiling, u still rarely ever say sorry, I was sick this weekend and still took u to ur friend's party, tho u promised u wouldn't drink, ur pushing me close to the edge so I'm right on the brink, at the point of no return, I may not always listen but u don't learn, I'm sick of ur double standards and hypocrisy, relationships are a democracy, I only wanna role play behind closed doors, I'm kinky at the core and shouldn't have to beg for more, u make me out to be this bad person, complain about living at home and the job u hate working, but don't do anything to try and change ur situation, constantly criticizing the music I'm making, like u always know and do better, I'm not making the promise anymore of being together forever, til u deal with what u need to, I've bent over backwards to please u, but nothing is ever good enough, my family is right this isn't love!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
9/18/17

Tissue Issues

What really bothers me, is u can't give a simple apology, cuz ur always right, it's my fault we fight, despite u say hurtful things repeatedly, unless I give in defeatedly, we both keep going one upping, u don't know the definition of supportive loving husband, ur too paranoid accusatory and ungrateful, the words u put in my mouth are self loathing and hateful, throwing pity parties and guilt trips, endless expensive drinking even after a half pint and a few nips, smoking cigs like a fiend, constantly disrespecting me, I've asked for u not to in my car, u take the quiet game way too far, I'm underappreciated taken for granted, and I simply don't understand it, ur without a home of ur own and can't drive, if it weren't for me this relationship wouldn't have thrived, I do all the work, yet u still treat me like a jerk, everything is my fault, express urself best thru text when u should've called, god forbid I make a mistake, it's ok for u to need some space or a break, ur double standards are rather funny, look at ur hypocrisy hunny, focusing all ur criticism on me, no wonder why I wanna be free, u come with nothing but bullshit and drama, why am I the one who must remain patient and calmer, I mean really ur older, u keep putting more of the burden on my shoulders, while u stay unphased and unchanged, I find ur excuses hard to believe and strange, not to mention convenient, u can make threats but don't mean it, yet if I say something wrong, u repeat the same tune/song, over and over again, said if we break up we can't be friends, please deal with ur own issues, why do I have to take responsibility for ur problems and buy u tissues, enough is enough already, we both are unsteady, I can acknowledge my shortcomings, show up for a court summons, ready for trial with an honest defense, instead of trying to avoid consequence, but I shouldn't be surprised, we both have been caught in lies, tho u cherry pick statements to look better, I don't ever try to make u lesser, I state the facts, and will go tit for tat, not just roll over, or go and blow lower, speaking of which, who's sucked more of the other's dick, and bottomed, I'm sick of hearing about ur pains and problems, especially ones uve had before we met, u still haven't settled multiple bets, when u supposedly let me win, u talk about marriage and kin, but we can't take care of ourselves, u refuse to get professional help, I'm done taking ur abuse, why do u insist ending the weekend leaving me confused, seems I'm just ur golden ticket to escape, do u not see u too spew venom and hate, the difference is tho, I say sorry bro, perhaps we shouldn't be together, cuz I no longer believe u when u claim forever!

Peace and 1,
JC
9/18/17

Damn The Scam Man

Tired of ur web of lies, playing games but why, what are u trying to hide, uve already crossed my line, coming close to the point of no return, u say I don't listen but u don't learn, criticizing doesn't help, take a look at urself, instead of focusing all ur energy on me, judgmental judy, I forget ur perfect, I used to think we were worth it, but now perhaps it's just a waste of time, I get no credit for trying, while making all the effort, stop victimizing ur lesser, with endless pity parties and guilt trips, buying captain half pints or fireball nips, not to mention all u drink at the bar, ur negativity is leaving scars on my heart, my soul is starting to believe I'm evil, ur ostracizing me away from family friends and other gay people, cuz u say it's them u don't trust, no matter what I do for u it's never enough, constantly gaslighting and fighting, head biting and griping, with the same old excuse, reeling from what I've produced, so ur unaccountable, not ever responsible, like I'm the source of all ur preexisting problems, who's perpetually been bottom, u knew full well, I was kinky as hell, but u mislead, u barely cuddle with me in bed, and when u finally do it's a chore, I won't dare ask for anything more, but I also refuse to give, how dare u control the way I make money or live, no more smoking in my car, or driving to Fall River cuz it's too far, the ball's in ur court now so it's ur turn, making magic happen isn't easy to discern, since u can't drive or have a home of ur own, I hope u enjoy being alone, sorry not sorry if I'm being an ass, here's the space u wanted and asked, we will see how much this relationship means to u, maybe ull notice everything I do, instead of acting like a shameful ungrateful and hateful fool, I expect an amazing apology too, cuz u repeatedly take me for granted, super sneaky and underhanded, simply using me as an escape, just like if u give consent it's not rape, I did what I had to in self defense, u don't acknowledge ur part or repent, thought u were heaven sent, but ur always twisting what I meant, u keep putting on this act, make up delusional facts, constantly putting words in my mouth, initiating bickering bouts, especially thru text messages, loving partners wouldn't threaten the one he supposedly cherishes, to try and damage or ruin their reputation, the 22nd should be a day of celebration, instead it's a reminder of my biggest mistake made, this time I promise I won't give in or cave, u dug ur own grave, and I can't save the depraved, I'm putting myself first, despite it hurts, when it comes to love I'm cursed, in music and work I'll immerse, since it's a productive distraction, I won't ever be comfortable being a fraction, a half instead of whole, I'm recapturing the peace and laughter tho, the piece of happiness u stole, all u ever did was make me feel I had to change u know, never accepting or appreciating me for who I truly am, and I'll be damned to be destroyed by the dreaded scam man, u had plenty of chances, to not relate me to ur past bad romances, ur way too paranoid possessive and insecure, accusatory and unsure, we're both hardcore poor, and better off having nothing to do with one another anymore !

Peace and 1,
JC
9/18/17

Why Lie

I too pathologically lie, I don't even know why, it's usually about stupid shit, and when confronted I can't handle it, I get defensive, I'm simply apprehensive, cuz of the embarrassment and shame, the truth shouldn't be a game, I just don't wanna be reminded of my mistakes, and will do whatever it takes, to prove I'm different and have changed, this fighting is making me deranged, gotta let the past go, look for the light at the end of the tunnel/road, things can't get much worse, losing love always hurts, no matter what I refuse to hate, went from strangers to marriage without a chance to date, and get to know one another, I don't care about ur past lovers, but u harp on mine, when I tell u to take care of urself u say ur ok and fine, u really aren't tho u know, we keep sinking to new lows, whether threats of suicide, exposing secrets or telling me to die, we both say mean things, I wish I had wings, so I could fly away instead of running, it's not fair ur so sexy and stunning, and yet ur afraid of losing me, I should set u free, and learn to live alone, I miss the idea of our happy home, wedding bliss, the comfort of ur grip and kiss, cuddling next to u in bed, our relationship seems dead instead, how do we move on from here, I'll forever ever and always care, but love isn't enough, I've destroyed any and all possibility of trust, why didn't I have the guts, nor the fortitude to ignore the lust, I'm pretty disgusting, the strength to awake and face another day I'm having trouble mustering, I'm totally drained and weak, we bottomed out when we should've peaked, it's only been about 5 months, and I've only been inside u once, practically begging for kinky sex, our time together has gotten less and less, and it's all my fault, our hearts are locked in separate vaults, no matter how hard I try, we cannot deny, this simply isn't healthy, perhaps if we were a lil more wealthy, things would be better, I'm such a freak I need to be tied and tethered, dominated and pleasured, the weirdo into smelly feet and leather, I despise myself, been getting professional help, but I can't alter who I am, perhaps ur looking for more of a vanilla virginal pure man, I understand, u probably feel scammed, u should've known tho with the screenname bondagefootpig, that this was a part of how I live, I can't switch it off, those excessive cigs aren't helping ur cough, and u shouldn't drink away ur sorrows and pain, I'm deeply saddened ur parents won't accept the fact ur gay, on top of that my folks are upset, they're not ready to forgive and forget, and I don't blame them, we argue again and again, uve already said we can't be friends, I don't wanna admit or acknowledge that this may be the end!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
9/15/17

"Let's Get Ready To Rumble"

Believe me my life ain't easy street, I've faced many failures and defeat, but I don't let it keep me down, try to maintain the opposite of a frown, even if it's to hide the pain, I've always struggled with weight gain, like a yo-yo bouncing back and forth, to boot I'm big boned bald and short, yet I refuse to let superficial shit effect my self-esteem, people still can be so mean, name calling and exclusion, felt unwanted and intruding, incapable of being loved, all I wanted was someone to hug, and tell me it'll be ok, didn't matter if I prayed, followed the rules, stayed in school, pretended to be cool, I was see thru, so transparent almost invisible, my faith had dwindled, and I turned to dope, how do u have hope, when what u want is to escape, why is the world filled with such discrimination prejudice and hate, it's hard to remain focused in the present moment, constantly gaslighted into feeling the need to repent in atonement, trying to help myself, things would be different if I had wealth, money solves problems but is also the root of all evil, the reality is even the regal are feeble, wearing a crown doesn't make u special, nor does winning the lottery or an Olympic medal, it only gives u 15 minutes of fame, I've come to realize life is a game, I no longer wanna participate in, perhaps I'm not properly articulating, which is ironic being a wordsmith, I've got a nerd's wit, making it impossible to reach and relate to the common man, my diet is aptly named the ramen plan, that's the sacrifice I'm willing to make, until I hit my musical break, to finally achieve and live my dream, nothing is ever as it appears to seem, everybody's faking happy and successful, most are envious and resentful, willing to tear u down to lift themselves up, u can't be fulfilled with materialistic stuff, it comes from accomplishment, my talent and skills amaze with astonishment, leaving jaws dropped, since I'm small it's assumed I don't top, constantly underestimated or overlooked, our current president elect has got the whole globe shook, along with giving me high anxiety, many have claimed they admire and are inspired by me, but I'm really a regular person/average Joe, u too have the power u know, to rise and conquer, flourish and prosper, if ur willing to work, ignore the naysayers and jerks that'll continuously hurt, cause u to fumble and stumble, like the wrestling announcer proclaims "let's get ready to rumble", existence is a battle/war, u gotta be hungry for more, don't lay down or roll over, we all carry the weight of the world on our shoulders, but we're never alone, Earth is humanity's home, it's a natural God given inalienable right, sometimes we have to fight, after all good things take time, simply never settle for just fine, altho our bodies may be imprisoned not ur minds, u can't stand still forever or go back in fact we gotta push and look forward to see what'll happen and we find!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
9/14/17

Fear The End Is Near

Getting very close to the end, still wondering if we can be friends, if ull try to get revenge, this was never my intent, I meant it when I said forever ever and always my love, but enough is enough, u refuse help, so I can only focus on myself, they say if u love someone sometimes u have to let them go, I hope he eventually would come back to me tho, but I can't stay waiting, nobody's that patient, however I'm not rushing into another relationship so soon, I feel like a big buffoon, I haven't let anybody in this close, ur simple presence will be missed the most, I need to cut off all ties, we've circled the same fight too many times, this just isn't healthy, and since neither one of us is wealthy, living at our parent's home, the future is hopelessly unknown, perhaps after ur trial, and seeing a professional for a lil while, time can heal and mend our wounds, people aren't entombed in doom, there's the ability to change, not calling u my boyfriend anymore will be strange, but it's not the last love for either of us, it takes risk a leap and guts, I wish nothing but the best for u, I'll be a mess too, u were my first, I don't believe being gay is a curse, mental illness is rampant in our community, no person has immunity, struggling is a part of life, it's how we react to the plight and strife, that is defining, quit the bitching pity partying and whining, we're responsible for our own actions, hurt isn't worth masking, stop saying ur fine, drowning ur sorrows in perks pot liquor beer or wine, and try dealing with ur shit, God doesn't give us stuff if we can't handle it, tho it doesn't seem possible or fair, u should know how much I care, that I stayed and lasted this long, I'm sure ull inspire a few poems or a song, u are super special, my behavior was unacceptable and regrettable, now I have to learn from my mistakes, and do whatever it takes, to move on, I'm like a spool of yarn, slowly unraveling, I might again start traveling, cuz I want things to be different, we can't control every instant, perfection isn't achievable, progress tho is perceivable, if ur willing, guess I should get back to billing, work is very important, it aids in contortioning, or at least distracting, I'm back to being only a fraction, half of a whole, I feel like I've lost part of my heart and soul, totally incomplete, I'll miss his stinky feet, and of course his smile, it'll be torture not to text or dial, I'm not good at ghosting or benching, I refuse to let the love turn to hate is definitely worth mentioning, ur hugs and kiss will absolutely be missed, who knows I still hope that maybe one day we can recapture the magic/bliss!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
9/13/17

Oh The Joys Of Revenge

I don't understand the idea of tough love, denying someone support or a comforting hug, I understand people want to have to save themselves, there's only so much I can do to help, but it frustrates the crap out of me, I truly believe health insurance should be free, as well as education, why such expensive water oil food and medication, who actually regulates prices, I think u get a lot further in life by exhibiting niceness, instead of fighting wars all the time, I'm asking like DMX for "Lord give me a sign", this curse seems divine, altho I have hope it'll work out fine, I could just be naive or in denial, so anxious to see what will happen at trial, perhaps it'll give him a kick in the butt, cuz I simply have had enough, this not knowing is too much, it's unhealthy for a relationship to be ur only crutch, it's just unfair, u should trust I care, I'm tired of being ur whole world, the diamond in the rough/pearl, however finances are becoming one less stress, if he changes to better himself is the best litmus test, cuz I can't take total responsibility and burden, I smile outside but inside I'm hurting, he's even older than I am, while he's more the alpha dominant man, I'm the emotional submissive one, which in the bedroom is absolutely fun, but I often feel like an addiction or possession, I wanna be unconditionally loved not a prized obsession, much too independent stubborn and feisty to be controlled, we are complimenting opposite souls, on many levels, but insecurity dishevels, erodes us at our foundational core, my mind is sore, only cuz I overanalyze worry and think excessively, won't let gossiping rumors and assumption get the best of me, gotta turn I into us and we, and try to get into pee, since he flags yellow, wish he'd smoke pot to get more mellow, it's better than drinking, why's he depressing and sinking, I guess I'm not making him happy, he brings me tons of candy like twizzlers blow pops and laffy taffy, which I share with my mom, who unfortunately never remains calm, she overworked and mad frazzled, him and I may be gay but not bedazzled, we're both very masculine, if ur wondering who's more attractive then, he believes it's me but most say it's him, probably from those dark features he's thin and that grin, he's very strikingly sexy, I love when he lays next to me, giving me comfort safety and joy, open to exploring fetishes and kinks with toys, trying together to be more versatile, do ya'll agree or disagree that God is merciful, cuz the universe and karma can be big bitches, one complaint about being bound is when ur nose itches, usually right after uve lost all movement and power, inflicting pain makes me limp and cower, we have a lot to learn about each other's boundaries and limits, he loves popping zits, which seems really gross, but then again I like being forced sniffing sucking on and licking in between his sweaty smelly toes, especially wearing the same socks for a few days, we have such a ball whenever we play, I just wanna make sure my man is satisfied, even if I have to switch roles so he's the one tied, get him all horny so he drips, fuck pussy like Pac says getting revenge is the sweetest joy next to getting dick!

Peace and 1,
JC
9/12/17

The Dilfing Milking Me

I'm just so worn and torn, trying to be reborn but all I do is mourn, making it impossible to move on, was this all a true con, wasn't love but addiction, look at the pain separation is inflicting, can people change and get better, did we jinx ourselves saying forever, I'm so used to the abuse, it's almost become a muse, but we're both guilty, I feel filthy, lying to my folks, wish this was a nightmare/hoax, it seems the reality of the situation, we're simply impatient, but for different reasons, everything that happens has an existential meaning, or so I believe, I really need a reprieve, I don't care how long he takes, neither time nor space, will alter the way I feel, u can keep trying to shelter and shield, it motivates me more, my competitive nature is hardcore, this is my life, I dictate the amount of pain and strife, that is tolerated and allowed, did ya'll know my last name means cow, so u can bet I'm ready for another milking, yes he's the dilfing, even tho he has no kids, who is anyone to judge or dictate how I live, despite I asked for ur opinions and advice, sometimes I make the same mistakes twice or thrice, maybe on a dozen occasions, I'm already predicting many won't be happy hearing about our engagement, but I honestly don't care, existence isn't so lonely when ur paired, relationships are crazy and volatile, he makes me smile for while, and the good outweighs the bad, so what we drive each other mad, I have hope and faith in him, walking away cuz things get hard is the ultimate sin, and I couldn't live with myself, abandoning someone who wants help, especially those without a support system, I gotta learn to shut up and listen, not to my head but my heart, there is such a thing as being too smart, and I am proof, why do I over-analyze what's aloof, beyond comprehension or control, I know he has a good soul, so what if he's damaged or broken, I'm done excessively toking, I'm of sound body and mind, give trust and permission for him to confine and bind, so I can worship his stinky feet, suck his toes and lick in between clean, I knew at first sight and sniff, the universe led me to this sexy gift, it's far from perfect, but totally worth it, ultimately my choice, tune out the white noise, focus on the ecstasy, of having him every night sleep next to me, the man of my fantasies and dreams, nobody's as happy as they pretend to seem, it's all an illusion, the world is filled with chaos and confusion, yet the one thing I know for a fact, is he will always stand by my side and has got my back!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
9/11/17