Bitter Pill Of Ill Will

I can't take anymore of this, if I had just one wish, it would be, for my mom to find peace, then maybe I've got a shot, this hurts alot, worse than dying, I'd be lying, if I didn't say, it's way better off not to be gay, maybe I'd have someone to rely on, I can't give grace and let bygones, I'm wicked fucking angry, y'all must really hate me, cuz ur all talk and no follow thru, I'm becoming a numb hollow fool, I'm so disgusted, an inactive volcano that suddenly erupted, spewing venom instead of lava, I only exist cuz I gotta, living is sheer torture, I wanna roll up a quarter, smoke it to the face, hoping it'll somehow simply erase, this never ending aching pain, all this waiting's driving me insane, their worry like friction, can anxiety be addicting, swallowing that bitter pill losing my will, like Pink sings "instead of making me better ur making me ill"!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
6/21/23

Unapologetically Fallibly Flawed

Call me petty, consumed with jealousy, hypocritical too, a pot addicted fool, angry at the world, tired of gay equating girl, I wanna give up, on success and love, cuz I keep getting let down, perhaps I'm not fun to be around, maybe I'm ugly inside and out, my soul rotted from gout, u know kings disease, I don't wanna be resilient anymore or people please, isn't it time to move onto the next phase, finally find my happy place, this east coast vibe, won't allow me to thrive, I'm suffocating and drowning, y'all committed yet clowning, still looking for something better, get ur fucking shit together, miss me when I'm dead, not while I'm living and breathing instead, I'm sick of over procrastination, a lack of attention support applause or even a simple congratulations, keep being neglected dismissed and ignored, sorry not sorry I'm unapologetically fallibly flawed!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
6/20/23

Why's Only Divine Sublime

Shot down yet again, questioning if we're even friends, I gotta really just walk away, I definitely feel cursed being gay, y'all don't know how to accept love, u make a brother feel not good enough, like simply making room, reflects the effort u exude, that shits whack, expecting I can magically give u the confidence u lack, altho I relentlessly try, I'm too much of a nice guy, giving limitless grace, which is such a waste, when I should've given more to myself, I see why the rich don't share or spread their wealth, I've never received a hand out, when it's demanded I bout, super consistent, got reverse gaydar intuition, picking the straights, who are these keepers of the gates, they're next in line behind God, y'all about to get curb stomped hard, pissed me right tf off, go ahead laugh at me and scoff, but it's finally my time to shine, cuz I'm tired of only the divine experiencing sublime!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
6/19/23

Timeless Existential Friction Addiction

The relentless struggles uve gone thru, I mourn too, I was so blessed for the family I was born into, I'm simply amazed by u, what a soldier and a warrior, always rooting more and more for ya, ur reletenless kind givingness and grace, even tho we all share the same fate, we get dead, there is no instead, ur spirit lives on, but ur memory/legacy is never truly gone, cuz ur timeless like friction, an existential addiction, asking myself how did u do all that, ur such a badass, made it look easy peasy, but believe u me, it's far from ideal, fame didn't have any appeal, yet the amount of lives u touched, when I think of u it's nothing but unconditional love, u have so many friends fam and fans, ur presence is in divinely sky high demand, we're all collectively rooting for u and praying, we'll all be ok knowing uve got dad g and a ton of loved ones awaiting, party it up with them, and I promise to live life to the fullest til we meet again!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
6/15/23

Would & Should Do Good

Dear mom, I hope u read this before ur gone, u are simply the best, never loved me less, despite my anger or flaws, u deserve the biggest round of applause, ur wicked amazing, all those hours reading essays and grading, u gave so many students inspiration, from this moment on I won't stay stagnant nor complacent, I will follow my heart with the utmost passion, finally start taking some action, to find more joy fulfillment and genuine connection, u can let go now of ur overprotection, that's like saying stop worrying it's impossible, I honor u by remaining giving graceful grateful and hospitable, when ur at peace I can be too, since like dad and g I'll always have u, I solemnly vow I'll be alright, because y'all raised me right to will and fight, for the forces of good, remembering to do what they would and u know u should!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
6/14/23

I Believe Love Is A Mustard Seed

So jealous I'm not a part of his every minute, I don't think our story is finished, I want him to bother me for the rest of my life, fuck all these ideas of what is wrong or right, I miss him every night, I'm totally willing to be both patient and fight, I hope one day he comes around, make my world beautifully profound, but since time like tomorrow isn't guaranteed, I find myself completely willing to beg and plead, I'll even get down on one knee, if this poem is a mustard seed, and u begin to feel exactly like me, I'll forever hold hope and belief, one day we will have each other, I'll even try not to snore and hog the covers, but if by chance I'm not the one, I won't regret or resent cuz the adventure together has been fun.

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
6/13/23

A Light In My Life

Boy has life been hard lately, fear and anxiety amplified greatly, but no matter what, deep within my gut, lies the grace, to wait with faith, easier said than done, god do I miss the bliss when I found joy and fun, somewhere in the darkness I find light, he's one of the reasons I have the strength to fight, tho we are just friends, there's no depends, he's loyal, doesn't even see he's majestic and royal, plays humble and modest, if I'm being gutwretchingly honest, I think he is one of those living angels, he's not glitzy and fangled, anyway I just wanted to give a lil thanks and praise, without saying his name I'll love him til the end of days!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
6/12/23

Can We Reach Perfection's Utopian Bliss

Taking a break, meant time to isolate, I owed it to myself, I needed help, but I'm stronger than I thought I was, didn't wanna get so stoned and numbed, instead I refocused my energy, on my 2 pups and a better me, then let go of all the rest, stayed grateful and consciously blessed, even tho the humble, still fumble and tumble, it's resilience training, is life just a game we're playing, except there's no Contra cheat code for infinite lives, hard to remember but u and I are who ultimately decides, despite believing in a higher power, can anyone really premonition another's final day or hour, can fate or destiny and free will coexist, can we truly ever reach perfection's utopian bliss?!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
6/10/23

Actual Reality's Virtually Misunderstood

Today gave me a lil hope, tho the future is unknown, I feel like things might get better, can't believe the storms I've weathered, damn man, even when I didn't think I can, I did, don't wanna just live, it's time to start thriving, somehow I'm resilient and still striving, where does determination come from, honestly I'm stunned, like Whitney I didn't know my own strength, apparentlty I'll go to any lengths, when I put my mind to something, I can be quite stubborn, is that inherited, or simply embedded, in the fabric of humanity, like calamity, or is it developed unnaturally, is anybody truly happy, or are we all faking, my heart's aching, the next generation needs to take power, boomers are approaching their final hour, but are we equipped enough, cuz the corrupt run amok and it sucks, they're resource hoarding, ignoring my warning mourning's important, stop bastardizing good, AI has made it so actual reality is virtually misunderstood, aging backwards Benjamin Button style, while the pendulum is swinging wild, society's coming full circle, like a hamster wheel of neverending hurdles, both science and faith fail history, universal truths so outdated our origin story is a mystery, are u on the side of egg first or chicken, people play god so gender's now a decision, can even transform into pigs and pups on all fours, choosing to ignore divine law, ironically lacking pride, there's a huge distinction between dressing as expression vs a disguise!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
5/31/23

Change Is Strange

Today was a wakeup call, mom had a fall, on the floor for hours, I surrender to my higher power, I need help myself, no amount of wealth, can fix the problems, I just wanna solve em, this darkness never ends, I don't even wanna get mind numbingly bent, I pray she's ok, and lives at least another year or 2 from today, I'm not ready to let her go, that's beyond my control tho, I hope I can find my inner strength and faith, it ain't living if I wait, and may seem strange, but I think it's finally time to change!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
5/29/23

No Unity In The LGBTQ Community

Today I spent the day in bed, if u couldn't tell from my poem yesterday I'm depressed, no pride alive, years fly by, yet no respect earned, I've come to learn, there ain't any unity, in this hetero induced LGBTQ community, definitely no love lost, how much does a fuck cost, or perhaps ur character/soul, what is the ultimate goal, mine used to be music, but the industry is corrupt and abusive, this life isn't for me, perhaps hip hop success is just not meant to be, so take me home already, leaving me alone's deadly, I can't even remember happy, seems I must be nasty, and not the good kind, our moral compasses aren't aligned, hope my next statement is digestible, from this point forward consider me asexual!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
5/28/23

Excluded Yet Again

What if I was gone, would y'all even mourn, I'm alive and barely thought of, yearning for more love, or maybe I just need sex, still wondering if gay equals hexed, I'm tired being hired, to be abused then fired, when it's time for a raise, wish being genuinely authentic with raw talent paid, y'all think famous musicians are rich, digital is such a bitch, it devalued original artists, who be working the hardest, but get absolutely no where, like yall don't even care, ud rather support straights and drag, excluding me from my community is making me mad, I've had enough of this dismissal, life seems so abysmal, my dad and sister are the lucky ones, sometimes I really wanna give up and just be done!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
5/27/23

Time For A Reroaring Renaissance & Let's Rise

Just turned 41, and life's starting to get real fun, altho Tina Turner died, I'm still joyously grateful about to celebrate Pride, I've worked hard to get here, conquered so much hate and fear, I'm rather quite surprised, I wish my sister was still alive, this year hit different, time sure flies by in an instant, hope y'all will celebrate with me, my genuine authenticity, I'm definitely not perfect, but all LGBTQ+ are worth it, unconditional love, let's have a reroaring renaissance and rise the fuck up!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
5/25/23

Invisibly Devalued

The question lately I've been asking, should I go back to school for music production and/or broadcasting, do I also dare, maybe minor in theater, or just self teach myself, can anybody out there please help, I'm yearning for some direction or guidance, all I've gotten is a shitton of "denied" agains, nothing is meant for me, which I refuse agreeing to disagree, my wants the horizon line, while I'm hiding behind lying I'm fine, when obviously not, it actually bothers me quite alot, I mean when's mine, what about my time, tired of internalizing whining, cuz I'm too serious and heavy, quietly procrastinating instead regrettably inevitably, so y'all are ignorantly unprepared, ur deeds show me nobody cares, so I'm left feeling invisibly devalued, only tolerated cuz y'all have to!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
5/16/23

MJV 143

Thru all the ups and downs in life, whether wrong or right, u were always by my side, after dad and G died, uve become my whole world now, I don't know when or how, but I'm determined to make u proud, I'll write it down then say it out loud, uve guided my faith, helped me find my way, all I ever hope and pray, is that u know I'm so grateful to be ur son not just today but each and every single mothers day!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
5/14/23

Good's Misunderstood

Why do I feel the need to justify my resilience and strength, I def spent alot of time bent, how else can I quiet my brain, numb the heartache and pain, life's just hard, how u play God's cards, often fatalistic or narcissistic, fallibility and hypocrisy are intrinsic, again the pendulum swings, u can't have roots and wings, well I do, and flew too, but now everything's changed, the world's overrun by capitalistic zombies with soul sucking fangs, where did genuine authenticity go, boy has religious ignorance and complicity grown, I mean slavery still exists, prejudice and discrimination continues to persist, yet nobody's paying attention, in reflection everybody's deflecting or projecting, energy friction, I have a human interaction addiction, especially since covid, our recovery has been very unfocused, we keep losing sight of what's important, sick of all the baiting exploiting and escorting, they've bastardized good, to the point words like truth sex and love are completely misunderstood!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
5/5/23

Here I Come Til I've Won At Least One Hun

What u hear and read is what see with  me...especially live which is where I thrive and MCJC comes alive...ready to grind and shine...everything happens in its time...I ain't lying...nas on point with life's a bitch and then u ya die that's why we get high...never know when ya gonna go...which blows even mo' fo' sho'...focus on the positive and let nothing stop us...double Gemini with quadruple sides egos and prides...very revolutionary with plenty of integrity embedded buried beneath deep...finally screaming out loud and proud about to bout...but now y'all pout cuz I'm not fowl mouthed...my brands on point and enjoying ur so bothered/annoyed...it's apparent I've got massive raw talent there's no comparison...just starting to gain traction taking action...our months coming up when it's all just spreading gay love with lots of kisses and hugs...don't judge shrug or begrudge all religiously smug...like the Fugees ready or not here I come for fun son...I'm never done til at least one Grammy's been won hun!!!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
5/3/23

Not Perfect But Totally Worth It

I woke up feeling imperative, my last poem shouldn't be negative, what can I say, I had a bad day, but I won't let that define me, is treating with love kindly or blindly, like Leona I just wanna be happy, lately life seems so crappy, how do I motivate joy, is god just a ploy, where are u it's me Joe, did u already go, am I being carried, our footprints married, cuz I only see one set, is faith a safe bet, so many questions, simply don't feel the blessings, why all the grief, stop testing my belief, when's enough, I know I'm tough, but isn't there more to existence, then fallibility and resilience, what about success, do I have to love less, since no one can have it all, must've missed my call, and u didn't leave a message, u take no responsibility for the wreckage, maybe I just won't listen, trying to give myself permission, I'm not perfect, but damnit if I'm not totally worth it!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
5/2/23

Final Goodbye Time

Yet another day...afraid I'm fading away...out of sight then mind...too bad it doesn't pay to be kind...do I even matter at all...why do I continue to text and call...making room isn't a real effort...never thought I measured...cuz ur more words not deeds...ur actions don't match beliefs preached...too much grace to push back...it's self love I lack...keep letting u in again...when I don't wanna be just friends...so I think it's finally time...I cut the chord and say goodbye...maybe we're not meant to be...or it's probably me...I'm not enough...rejections tough...yet it hasn't killed...perhaps it's unreasonable to expect success happiness and being fulfilled...how dare I dream that big...stop living to work when y'all should only work to better live...I give what I get...but I'm frustrated irritated and upset...guess I chose wrong...no labels like my songs...I so wanna give up...life just sucks and I'm tired of getting fucked!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
4/30/23

Puff A Phatty Happy 4/20

Come puff another phatty, with rap's leather daddy, holla for a dolla at me, if u wanna get zooted nasty, gotta get ur heads out those phones, chill out and smoke, toke a bowl, y'all know I stay stoned, life's just better that way, helps me mentally escape, socially relax, that's facts, cuz I'm overwhelmed by sheeple, who think pots evil and lethal enough to be illegal, which is simply silly, what about medicinal responsibility, y'all advocate for cigs and booze, blindly eat toxic foods, I'll never understand, it's cool if ur not a fan, but damn man, it's a fucking plant, what's the big deal, like for real, pay me in pot instead of money, hope everyone has a fun safe and happy 4/20!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
4/20/23

All Love Truth & Peace

Intense isn't my intent...that's why I stay bent...as a Gemini I only know extremes...I'm that classic example of beeing seen for what it seems...when I'm somewhere deep in the inbetween...my aura usually sheens purple or green...I severely struggle agreeing to disagree...especially about something I passionately believe...expert defenseman can accept defeat over retreat...I'm aware of certain privelage but much too humble to be elite...with me it's ultimately all love truth and peace!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
4/15/23

Don't Ever Ever Ever Give Up

Coming to terms with my relationship being just friends, I guess it's true everything that begins ends, the feelings aren't dead, perhaps they were misread in my head, but he was such a great idea, not sure if it's his insecurity and fear, or what I did wrong, life solo seems so long, am I simply not enough, cursed with bad luck, fuck sex I miss intimacy and romance, wish I could keep replaying our new years slow dance, that was such a beautiful moment, keep ur heart open to fall in love often I condone it, express to people how u feel, telling others instead isn't keeping it real, leave ur baggage with the past, it'll destroy ur future fast, time to let him go, battle this miserable existence alone, maybe someday he will come back around, afterall absence can be pretty profound, he was such a surprising rare find, unconditionally kind, still tho gotta show myself more love, and no matter what don't ever ever ever give up!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
4/13/23

Spread Consciousness & Existentialism

The leather rap daddy, that's a better mac zaddy, actually practically factually masterfully dastardly, in all actuality nastily sassy classy crafty, pretty wickedly witty deep in the nitty gritty, bigotry's hypocritically synchronicity with illiteracy embitters me, this is some serious shit not silly/willy nilly, my ultimate passion and purpose, we grow more from what hurts us, like tragedy and grief, can't take away my peace or belief, endless tremendous hope and faith, marijuana and music's how I cope and get saved, divine amazing grace, my greatness is fated but I don't set the pace, we can't be late, cuz life ain't a race, enjoy the ride with pride, do ur best so u can hold ur head up high and sleep at night, with age comes wisdom, all I wanna do is continue to spread consciousness and existentialism!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
4/11/23

Souls Collectively Connecting

Not great at listening I'm very self involved, not communicating won't help getting problems solved, however I'm not very critical, more super sarcastic than literal, but I take life very seriously, instead of hilariously, I promise I have a dry sense of humor, not interested in gossip or rumor, been trying to leave space for grace, my whole existence I bloomed late, except when it comes to death, which left me overwhelmed feeling inept, just not sustainable enough, no luck with romantic love, always lost alone stuck, questioning my gut, aww shucks it sucks seeing a shmuck putz, staring back in the mirror, therapy may help u navigate clearer, still u gotta implement the learned tools, stop insisting ur a powerless victim u fools, take responsibility and control, no ones half of a whole, marriage isn't necessarily the goal, I dream of collective connection with other beautiful souls!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
4/4/23