Hundreds If Not Thousands Of Dreamz

This is my 100th poem, look how much I've grown, just this year, sometimes I blankly stare, recollecting how much, life can simply suck, but it builds character and strength, gone thru such great lengths, to hide my grief and pain, fuck scars and stains, they don't define me, why do I live blindly, to certain facts, like maybe I'm rap's hack, can't afford a double stack biggie bag, I find it hard to laugh, musically I'm still in the red, maintain a roof and being fed, thanks to my mom, I remain unharmed, except my pride, and my ego's been bruised thousands of times, I lost count, what if I don't amount, to anything worth while, perhaps y'all don't like my style, or think I have none, sure I do art for fun, I guess I'm foolishly naive, to believe I'll ever succeed, selling out stadiums or winning Grammys, there's still no need to disagree stifle kill and poo poo my dreamz!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
12/20/23

Murder & Burglar The Idealized Idolized Cute Beaut

I don't feel old, but rather more bold, confident in who I am, I do look like a grown man, bald and a lil gray, we can agree I haven't outphased being gay, I'm still stuck, now I just couldn't give a fuck, I'm not desperate, nor codependent, I'm good solo, so over fomo, manage myself better, very affected by the weather, especially a full moon, super in tuned, I respect my voice, owned every single choice, learning to let go of what isn't mine, growing my gut's intuition and spine, I've got a magnetic soul, my bleeding heart's taking a toll tho, gullibility isn't cute, good thing I'm a beaut, cuz I've gotten away with murder, I'm even a father fucking burglar, assisinated Joe Vacca, stole the legacy of JC the idealized idolized martyr, creating Joe Conscious for my own sanity's salvation, I don't know if I believe in heaven's congratulations, nor burning in hell's fiery flames, life's existence is not a game, I won't ghost the living, nothing's more important than forgiving, instead of drinking poison expecting to kill somebody else, we should treat our bodies like temples not just shells, u only get one, so take every day seriously not simply silly willy nilly fun!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
12/15/23

Far From Perfect But Absolutely Beautifully Indubitably Worth It

The holiday season, has been difficult for an obvious reason, even 3 and 5 years later, I've turned into a hater, cuz of grief, mixed with jealousy, I want what I had growing up, a life fulfilled with such family/unconditional love, now I feel down on my luck, without dad and G nothing seems enough, my day to day is excessively crappy, forgot what it's like to see me happy, plus I'm consumed by my mom's terrible health, knowing no one else can help, realizing the realities of aging, responsibility is so encaging, no evading the invasion, how do I make myself more approachable and engaging, without just appeasing, nor toxically people pleasing, losing sight of all boundary lines, simply smiling saying I'm fine, while my face says otherwise, I've become numb and almost nullified, like I don't matter at all, despite being ridiculously religiously resilient after every fall, so fuck it, y'all can suck it, I'm gonna keep doing me myself and I, take pride holding my head high, I'm far from perfect, but absolutely beautifully indubitably worth it!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
12/12/23

About To Out Bout Clout

I gotta gain more stage confidence, not for a lack of competence, simply opportunity, only an illusion of community, truth is everyone's about themselves, nobody pitches in nor helps, unless it betters them, most pretend to be a friend, when again they're really an enemy, don't send for me, unless ur absolutely ready, cuz inevitably, u only get one shot, I might not be big and tall but I'm all heart, and I'm scappy, forgot what it's like to be happy, so watch out, I'll bout clout, with action, and spastic passion, why y'all masking asking, blatantly overcompensating for what ur lacking, guts backbone and common sense, shit gets intense tense, like looking thru a one dimensional lens, always try to live in forgiveness and make amends, since no one knows how much time's left, there's no need for perfection just give it ur best, shouldn't be a pest dude, ur a fool to do anything but u, it's so true, yet also unbelievably cool, a classic original, altho human equals hypocritical, no matter how malleable or adaptable, we can't escape nor change the fact we're all fallable!

Peace and 1
Joe Conscious 
12/9/23

How About A Big Man Bear Hug & Bromantic Love

I'm pretty impressed, cuz I did my best, slowly owning being so blessed and grateful, all I see is the distasteful judgmental and hateful, believe em when they show and tell u who they are, true forgiveness is hard, especially after the third or 420th go around, when u realize ur the problem that's profound, then learn to regrow, be better with boundaries ur gut and backbone, soon there's no more home to go to, I can't explain the pain I've known to hold on thru, it can alter and change the vibe of a room, I wanna make u having a gay besty too cool, completely platonic deep seeded bromantic love, there's nothing more comforting than an all encompassing big man bear hug, plus I ain't lying, I need my guy time, next to pot and music that's how I survive, it ain't easy getting by sometimes, grief can be overwhelmingly hellish, but the bright white light within is much too overzealous, after all is said and done, I am my warrior mother's brilliant resilient son!

Peace and 1,

Joe Conscious 

12/4/23

The Hope & Pray Away Bandaid

When my intentions went questioned, I lost faith grace and sight of my blessings, there's love in both compliments and criticism, as a Gemini I get caught up in positivity as easily as cynicism, moreso when it's about myself, I have no problem asking for help, the pressure's off tho now, cuz unfortunately y'all weren't taught or simply don't know how, til shit happens to u, realizing ur a fool too, that's called hypocrisy, and like a capitalistic democracy, we eventually implode, losing sight of what matters most...people over dough, idealism gets bastardized, yet it's ok to tell Jesus/Santa style white lies, while childless singles get ostracized, and gays are told they should stay silent quiet and hide their pride, stop shoving ur sex stuff in our face, in my homo opinion straights are the disgrace, plaguing the planet with overpopulation like cancer, keep kicking cans down the line without any apologies solutions or answers, the only remedy is a temporary ineffective bandaid, of no gun control but just told to hope and pray problems away!

Peace and 1,

Joe Conscious 

11/28/23

Continue To Do U

I'm a sexy leathery rappy zaddy, actually practically role model such a much better daddy, than most men out there, who fear being unempathetically vulnerable/sensitively care, to dare shed a tear in public, but I say fuck it, be that crude rude dude boo, and just continue to do u!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
11/25/23

Understanding Planning & Branding What Fans Are Demanding

Ur bud came in such clutch, I'm just about to finish it up, thank u again, ur the bestest friend, since we were four years old, we've always been close bros, thru all levels of life, pain heartache and strife, nothing stays the same, but the love's never changed, I got ur back like u got mine, with an alpha by my side I'll be fine, I am safely free to be me, which doesn't mean I ain't sarcastically teased, some gay jokes get a reprieve, but a lack of a sense of humor's my biggest pet peeve, afterall a ton of truth is often said in jest, most comics artists and musicians would ace a hot mess test, we're all simply running around, naive ignorant and willfully unprofound, especially in hip hop, where racism and ageism won't stop, they're still so homophobic, confusing ghetto gangster with heroic/stoic, it's seriously damaging fans' understanding, my intricate conscious planning, of candid poetic rhythm and real lyricism branding, a god given natural talent I think the whole globe's nostalgically demanding!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
11/26/23

Procrastinating/Lacking Adapting Action

By procrastinating/lacking adapting action, to the reality of what's happened, ur damaging me, and ur legacy, cuz I feel neglected, completely unprotected, from what happens after, not having a sister there to share the tears turning to laughter, helping us to get thru the grief, is shaking my foundational core beyond belief, I've gotten more than I can handle, my once bright light's dwindled down to a candle, my whole soul feels dismantled, we gamble thinking chance's opportunity's ample, it's not, ull regret no longer having what u got, it'll frustratingly enrage, isolate and disengage, since u simply won't have any energy, perhaps y'all are better than me, or maybe...just maybe, even adults can be big babies, who pitifully unadmittedly remain ignorantly naive, age don't equate experience nor earn any free pass/reprieve!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
11/24/23

Amaze Shock & Drop More Jaws

I'm a bald but scruffy shorty, in my early 40s, don't count me out, I'm hungry to hustle and bout, like I'm just getting started, how do I remain so openhearted, despite overwhelming concentrated grief, that shook my confidence and belief, right down to the foundational core, I could never be an alcoholic nor whore, guess that makes me a prude, or goody too shoes, I say I'm a kinky stoner, an overthinky feely loner, so sensitive, it's absolutely imperative, to separate what's urs vs mine, create decisive boundary lines, to protect myself, not afraid to admit I need help, it's ok to to stay vulnerable, does gay equate lover trouble, simply since it's against the norm, nobody's prepared for life's shit storm, but I've learned to embrace perceived flaws, and use them to amaze shock and drop more jaws!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
11/20/23

A Love Lighter

Dmx was a rough rider, JC is a love lighter, all about consciousness and truth, perhaps that point's moot, cuz it's all perception, I'm a personified exception, not a stereotype, but pretty easy to like, I go deep, my climb's steep, feel prepared, attack fear, cuz it's uncomfortable, want some trouble, civilian life is monotonous, government all on top of us, imprisoning our decisions, wish y'all could see my vision, we could be so much better, if we worked together, stop judging one another, keeping urself undercover, I don't want ur representative, perhaps the youth do need incentive, they're not appreciated for their value and worth, so concerned at birth, just until they're no longer productive at work, not transferring power makes the boomers jerks, and to be honest I've had it, since no one else will I'll be the advocate, they never gave us, I'll disrespect elders when they've broken trust, existence is not about money hunny, I don't find hoarding nor greed funny, it's finally the next generation's time, we are more than ready capable and primed to be fine!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
11/19/23

Happiest Of Birthdays Mom

U gave me a constant feeling of safe, never needed to numb or escape, a comfortable bubble, permission to get into some innocent trouble, cuz that's how kids learn, still waiting for my turn, perhaps it's perpetual 2nd child syndrome, discrimination was never condoned, was brought up right, flight over fight, since war never solved conflict, I'd say they were pretty strict, but was allowed room to improve trust, funny tho I lack backbone and guts, mostly cuz I respected and followed the rules, I grew in and out of schools, life is ur greatest teacher, never wanted to be a leecher, my folks were the epitome example of persistence, showed me the key to succeed is resilience, don't expect perfection, parents shouldn't dictate oppression, instead be an advocate or guide, nothing is more harmful than a white lie, the truth will set us free, thank u for loving me unconditionally, it made me brave, I wish u the best and the happiest of birthdays!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
11/18/23

Value My Own Home On The Road

Time for uncomfortable hustle and grind, gotta grow thicker skin backbone and spine, get my head on straight, in a much better mind state, create a space of my own, fuck a huge house I want a home on the road, become a performing not just recording artist, stop working the hardest and start smartest, money can't buy some of life's most valuable things, y'all don't understand what amount of joy when I rap and sing brings, it's not just a passion my talent's a gift that's also my purpose, treating it like a hobby renders my ultimate happiness worthless, too distracted by soulless jobs, why can't business decisions come from our hearts, instead of the bottom dollar, there's two breeds of peeps entrepreneurs and scholars, but at the end of the day, we're valued by how much ur paid or uve made yet can't take to the grave, so remember if u misbehave, ur wealth won't ever equate saved!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
11/4/23

Help Urself

Seems I've been so afraid of A I privilegedly lived plan B, often forgetting the difference between committed and codependency, which unintentionally leads to questioning whether I'm honoring vs neglecting me, shouldn't compete who's suffered most tragically, nor more dramatically traumatically, I finally disillusioned romanticism and idielism, I guess I jest but it's hard to digest there's a spectrum of realism, every person's perspective is inherently different, no one's taking responsibility for their participatory decisions, ya'll feeling entitled to being the only victim, just stuck in another narcissistic prison system, disguised as a magnificent kingdom, late blooming always losing and never winning some, perhaps it's time to go on an ayahuasca journey, release all those inner demons to make peace and deem my own self worthy, quite simply I'm deeply hurt, I'm rather enraged and disturbed, too much concentrated grief, I've become numb in utter shock/disbelief, and nobody is able to help, cuz at the end of the day all u got is God and urself!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
11/3/23

Focus Ur Eyes On The True Prize

Imagine having a home u couldn't go to, pretending everything is all fine and cool, when it isn't, but if I didn't, it would cause more worry, why are kids in such a hurry, to grow old, letting fear and responsibility take hold and mold, leaving us feeling cold and alone, relationships don't work when only on a phone, since it's out of sight outta mind, people refuse to look inside afraid of what they'll find, nothing but regret, y'all forget to lift ur head, focused on keeping it down, never took a moment to look around, what are u all about, does ur character have clout, or consumed by doubt, no matter how loud u shout, my eyes try to realize the true prize is picking the right battles u do bout!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
10/27/23

Always Investing In & Betting On JC

I'm in a better place/head space, to man up and do what it takes, helping mom transition, finally break the vicious cycle of living in worry's addiction, another victim's self imprisoning system, why aren't any of y'all actually listening, to understand not respond or fix, stop being insensitive selfish thick pricks, assholes and narcissistic dicks, stuck in ignorant's disillusioned bliss, consider what legacy u leave, strive to be better than me, persistently an ample example, while I resiliently rise after I'm bulldozed over or trampled, naively thinking I'm invincible/plain sight invisible, an automatic underdog just cuz I'm lil, go ahead and underestimate me, I wholeheartedly and genuinely believe, and can almost 100% guarantee, eventually it'll pay off investing in and betting on JC!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
10/27/23

The Genuine Best Of Me

Y'all want a role instead of a real model, I refuse to sugarcoat or coddle, this tf who I be, the double Gemini always high me, that's just it, fuck business I'm artistic, I love both performing and writing, and it don't have to be verbally battling nor fighting, I'm stream of consciousness, sick of all this lack of lyricism obnoxiousness, like uve forgotten rap's actually an acronym, I've had it with mumble rapping, no hate tho, I appreciate any great yo, make ur money, even if I think it's corny or funny, every definition of sexy is different, can't admit we're sometimes ignorant, and that that's ok, can be cool white and gay, yet also be a god, especially in hip hop, cuz I won't stop, til I'm on top, not necessarily sexually, but all my true fans out there know I'll consistently give the genuine best of me!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
10/23/23

Watch & Gawk As I Walk My Talk

I'll take ur sympathy, even ur pity, at this point I'm annoyed, no longer find joy, in being social, especially local, I've totally outgrown, this place I've known as home, and I'm reminded, why I ultimately decided, to move to the west coast, not to brag or boast, it's just better for me, I'm allowed to vibe freely, be low key and chill, instead of my mood killed, by constant judgement, it's hard not to become numb and begrudging, the reason for my anxiety, dimming my shine was my priority, now the beast is unleashed, I'm gonna speak up teach and preach to a beat, cuz I ain't no amateur, anymore, I'm living out loud and proud, done with shame guilt and my bout with doubt, I don't cockily shout clout, maybe I should be an agent or talent scout if I knew how, being an artist, these days is the hardest, u gotta do it all by urself, while others aren't very interested in lending help, since ur competition, nobody's really hearing or listening, so watch and gawk, as I walk my talk, alone solo, cuz u know yolo!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
10/22/23

Surrender & Bender

And just like that, my train went off track, life's like a rollercoaster ride, everyone's running on ego and pride, fuck empathy, living regrettably, nobody knows their purpose or passion, y'all lacking action, wondering why, the world seems to keep passing u by, safe in comfortable bubbles, afraid of self made trouble, but making mistakes is human, just when u feel destroyed and ruined, that's when a star is born, I don't think we've been properly warned, grief is crippling, opioids are extremely addicting, there won't be social security, do u think god judges us if we're worthy, who enters the pearly gates, is hell the automatic destination for gays, like Lil Nas X says, perhaps it really is all guess, and we must just surrender, have fun and rock it like everyday's ur last bender!

Peace and 1,

Joe Conscious 

10/19/23

Denied Trys To Protect Us From Our Own Guts

Parents be like do as I dictate not do, take me for an incompetent lazy fool, even tho I've got more degrees than u, y'all can't handle the truth, claiming I'm the problem or danger, took us from family to strangers, moving on out was the best thing I did, my elders perceive me to be a perpetual kid, just cuz I am younger than them, even tried to be friends, but that didn't work either, can a person be both a wallflower and a leader, don't we eventually evolve, never got into golf, except mini, god I used to be so skinny, til puberty thickened me broad, rebellious against the boomer white lies they taught, micromanaging our lives, take away our tries, to supposedly protect us, from developing and following our own guts, so as I get older, I'm less of a go with the flow-er, lacking self esteem and confidence, these days I'm amazed at the extraordinary level of incompetence, from pretty much everyone, all these peeps have become numb dumb scum, not even poking fun, but evil's won and I'm just done!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
10/18/23

How Now Loud & Proud

Forget regret, ur life is ur own to bet, fuck what they say, who cares if I'm gay, bi or not, do I have soul and heart, let me be and do me, breakdown stereotypes and boundaries, I am who I portray I am, just another average man, making myself proud, laughing out loud, livin in the now, leaving all y'all father fuckers asking how!

Peace and 1

Joe Conscious 

10/16/23

We All Have The Power

In letting go, I'm returning to Joe, who's compassionate and kind, but not pressing rewind, I'm moving forward with grace and love, relearning I'm tough enough, sometimes healing, isn't actually a feeling, it's a state of soul, my heart turned cold, mostly cuz of grief, yet somehow I kept my belief, that hope and faith, will guide my way, thru the dark times, to where the light shines, not that then itll be easy breezy, but at that point if anybody needs me, perhaps I'll be ready, a lil more steady, don't wanna get ahead of myself, the only way anyone can help, is if ur own cup's full, depicts whether ur stock is bear or bull, no matter if we rise or fall, the power to succeed is within us all!

Peace and 1,

Joe Conscious 

10/15/23

Still Surprised I Resiliently Rise

U can love but not like, even after a brutal fight, easily can grow to hate, before u realize the mistake, it's the circumstance not the person, anger indicates hurting, which is wicked confusing, disillusioning abusing, cuz shit didn't go how u envisioned, stop gossiping and judging the way I'm living, tell me the number of licenses certificates and degrees u have, plus 2 hip hop/rap albums and 800+ poems to add to that, I'll wait and laugh, so as a matter of fact, don't ever ever ever call me lazy, nor crazy, when I feel entitled to not have to work harder, sorry not sorry I'm simply smarter, and I no longer feel the need, to justify defensively, I'm proud of my damn self, cuz I did it all with minimal help, my own family, didn't understand me, still I marched onto the beat of an original drum, stepped up to be a phenomenal son, after my dad and big sis passed, without any inheritance or financial assistance when I asked, kicked out of my home on my ass fast, once again the problematic outcast, but watch me resiliently rise, my true friends won't be surprised, with nothing left to prove, no matter what happens next I can't lose! 

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
10/14/23

Society's Decisions Are Not From The Heart

Is this the world we created, cuz I absolutely hate it, upside down backwards land, and I'm so not a fan, they've bastardized truth and righteousness, how on earth do we fight this shit, it's fucking disgusting, while also disrupting, democracy as a whole, I guess the devil stole our soul, these boomer presidents need to retire, most of these sheep in Congress should be fired, don't even get me started, on the supreme court that's immoral and coldhearted, overturning Roe v Wade, I'm surprised they haven't made it illegal to be gay, we're in serious trouble, and all y'all are sitting safe in ur comfortable bubble, I get no satisfaction in I told u so, ur never to old to grow, but it seems ignorance persists, only an illusion of bliss, in reality it's not, society isn't business so decisions should come from the heart!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious 
10/13/23