Sheer Utter Unadulterated Bliss

I'm far from perfect I still have some regrets, I've never wanted to even try to be the best, except for the version of me, are we really free, what about destiny, or how others perceive us to be, I can admit when I fucked up, it wasn't until meeting him that I understood true love, right at first sight, many said I might, cuz u never find it looking, promiscuously hookering, I guess I was always unintentionally saving myself, can admit I had some psychological help, and I'm not ashamed, so not good at business or playing the game, I'm much too genuine, apparently I'm more addicting than heroine, at least to my man, believe me he wasn't planned, I'd gotten used to the idea of being alone, now I'm excited at the prospect of having a home and family all our own, fuck all the nay-sayers and haters, the jealous mismatch labelers, perhaps our pace is fast, nobody can predict how long this relationship will last, but I intend on forever, I think together we make each better, complete and finally whole, two destined souls, who had to conquer obstacles on our own individual journey, before we could achieve the chance to meet, it's all about timing, he's great at dancing and I'm divine at rhyming, we compliment one another well, almost like we both got put under some magical spell, magnetic and electric, don't need to be tied down or tethered, he's crazy sexy cool and wicked hot, why he chose me I'm still surprised and shocked, he sees something in me I never did, super possessive and protective and gets absolutely livid, when somebody's checking me out, he gets that look he wants to bout, he's a masculine alpha gladiator champion/demi-god, whenever around me he's more than just semi-hard, I drive him wild, simply adore making him happy and smile, his presence is intense, I miss his manly rugged scents, can't wait to cuddle hug and kiss his lips, bringing those subtle moments and hints of sheer utter unadulterated bliss!

Peace and 1,
JC
4/28/17

Phony Only Lonely

No I won't apologize, nor forgive u for ur lies, I already did twice, so no more playing nice, u got what u deserved, guess u never learned, all I heard were pathetic insults and threats, apparently u don't care if people think of u less, burning bridges left and right, I will never instigate a fight, but I will definitely always defend myself, u really need professional psychiatric help, like Pac said "I ain't mad at ya", ur simply a sorry soul/scavenger, disgusting and slutty, not sad anymore it's just funny, a man's word like his reputation is everything, I know I rap way better than I sing, think u can prey on my insecurity, ur just jealous another someone u were interested in was kissing and flirting with me, must suck to be u, is anything u ever said true, did u think I was a naive fool, or did I become a useless tool, blowing up ur spot, I cared about u a lot, but don't get it twisted, my feelings for u shifted, when I found out ur still married, ur worse than Mariah Carey, ur delusional believing I was obsessed, when I said I loved u I was duped by a hot mess, thank god I'm blessed, with amazing family and friends who are the best, something ull never get to know, cuz ur a conniving cheating abusive hoe, meanwhile I'll use happiness to get revenge, karma is a bitch not a wench, how does it feel to get ghosted and benched, ur probably too stupid to understand what I meant in my poetic vents, it's ok ur pretty tho, that is until u let ur black heart show, perhaps that's why ur so cold, life gets dark and lonely when ur phony and grow old!

Peace and 1,

JC

4/27/17

U Want I Need

I'm not scared of love, I'm more fearful of not being enough, falling fast too soon, still healing old wounds, it's very hard, to mend a broken heart, and to repair trust, how do u know it's not just lust, guess that's why they call it a leap of faith, please don't let love tho turn to hate, that's such a waste, but even the strongest bonds break, it's easier to forgive than forget, I get ur hurting and upset, but why u so jealous of my support system and safety net, really wish we never met, u tried bringing me down to ur level, I will not be beaten broken and become disheveled, my hope is strong, this relationship will be lasting long, perhaps even forever, my soul's whole when we're together, I miss his scent, his simple presence, makes me feel alive, like I'm floating on cloud nine, counting the days til I see u again, we both have to make compromises sacrifices and bend, learn how to grow hand in hand, patience is the key to understand, we all come with flaws and a past, I'm addicted to ur sarcasm and sass, u magically healed me, unbelievably, yet it's the truth, u were an imaginary dream man then poof, u came to fruition, ur attentive caring and listen, quite possibly the most amazing person, can't wait til I'm done working, just to talk to u and hear ur voice, it's so cool when ur one another's first and only choice, now I gotta own it and be happy, judgmental opinions don't matter to me, I won't be negatively affected, cuz success can't be measured, we set our own standards, fuck diamond rings or lanyards, even a stupid piece of paper, don't do me any favors, just love and cherish me til death do us part, even if my mouth is too dry and I have to fart, I'll massage ur tired feet when they're sore or reek, give u confidence when u seem down unworthy and meek, please lay beside and cuddle with me until I fall asleep, u want me and I need u each and every single day of the week!

Peace and 1,
JC
4/26/17

My Guy

Never knew how much jealousy is a huge factor, I must be a very good actor, cuz my life isn't all rainbows or silver spoons, I love that by me being me I can make my man swoon, that's how I feel about him too, consider me smitten and wooed, and I'm not ashamed to shout it out loud, he makes me feel secure and proud, I've never felt this way before, I don't even pay attention anymore, he satisfies all my wants and needs, so very easy to please, I don't even have to try, literally feeling butterflies, they say when u meet the right one u just know, but truthfully I had pretty much lost all hope, I got used to being alone, I don't care if u think I'm milking my mamma's titties still living at home, u don't know me or my story, I'm blessed to have real love without having to be slutty or whory, I've got wicked supportive family and friends, who stick by me thru thick and thin til the end, I'm loving showing my man off, he's a sexy as hell alpha boss, that makes me comfy safe and protected all wrapped up in his arms, it's hard to keep both my heads and heart calm, for the first time I'm excited to see what the future holds, u too will have to wait and watch my happily-ever-after unfold, but for now, I'm not gonna over-analyze why or how, just simply enjoy the ride, and continue to get to know my guy!

Peace and 1,

JC

4/25/17

Misconception Protection

Having a sexy man think I'm sexy, brings out the best in me, I love that we turn each other on, he helped me see thru a douche's con, oops he did it again, proved he was never really my friend, but anyway, I'm gonna be happily blissfully gay, enough with the drama, I'll leave revenge for karma, it's another day gotta make dem dollars, instead of a diamond ring would u get collared, I find the idea kinda romantic, bdsm is not satanic, there are so many misconceptions, possessives are great at protection, but jealousy can be a bitch, everyone has a past a glitch flaws and/or a trigger switch, don't pass the point of no return tho, u ruin trust by being a promiscuous hoe, cheating is never the answer, it's poisonous like cancer, relationships aren't competition, it's about honest communication compromising and listening, satisfying both's wants and needs, learning it's ok to agree to disagree, there's no such thing as perfect, the only thing that matters in the end is if it was all worth it, never live life outta fear or with regrets, it's nobody else's business if and how much u have wild crazy kinky sex, wouldn't ya'll like to know, hope big bro enjoys the microwaveable porno/peep show, since they're voyeuristic and like to watch, if I don't want a headache from poppers I'll use ur sweaty running or gym socks, different strokes for different folks, some people like egg whites while others don't mind the yolks, it's all about knowing ur preferences, I don't rely on acquaintance's references, I get to know someone for myself, gossiping assumption and hearsay never helps, hidden agendas are very much real, watch out for evil people, with Trump at the helm the devil's spawn are being exposed in droves, be prepared for the three days of darkness stay in ur homes with ur blessed candles and don't dare open the windows!

Peace and 1,
JC
4/21/17

Fuck U Mikey Roy

Was used to u and excused ur over-dramatics cuz at least u seemed semi sane/tolerable, now it's been confirmed for sure ur not even questionably pathological, it's an absolute definite, ur lying was so incredibly incessant, u couldn't keep ur webs in tact, assumption and gossip can never be fact, no wonder why ur mom and dad don't want anything to do with u, I gave u the benefit of the doubt twice like a naive fool, but last night u showed ur true colors, u belong with the rest of the trash at the dump or in the gutter, u don't know the definition of friend, playing victim yet again, I don't need u to pretend ur trying to save me, manipulating my date's reputation saying u heard he's abusive and rapy, funny how u made out with him the very same day ur sugar granddaddy relationship became official, ur full of bullshit double standards and ur super hypocritical, I'll simply let karma do its thing, people call u slutty behind ur back and laugh at ur fat ass when u sing, ur all talk no walk, for u making out is a sport, which doesn't mean ur dating, ur looks are grade A but ur personality and soul get a F- rating, just so u know tho, u failed my test bro, I already knew the truth, thank god I didn't let u invade my safe space living under my parent's roof, ur the only one who resorted to assault battery and violence, I look forward to ur absence and silence, the best revenge is happiness and bliss, I knew better to reject ur pursuit attempting a first kiss, and don't get it twisted for the record u never fucked this, enjoy being single bitch, hope u rot in hell or a jail cell, I won't wish u well, u may have gotten away with playing me like a toy u immature boy, but in the end u proved to be a wicked worthless waste of life/piece of fucking shit Mikey Roy!

Peace and 1,
JC
4/20/17

Everyday's An Opportunity & Blessing

To go out by committing suicide, is a cowardly way to die, if it's actually true, do u believe in conspiracy theories too, sometimes I wonder, who makes lightening and thunder, is it mother nature, or something more divine and even greater, can we take fate into our own hands, flip the hour glass over to restart the sands, wouldn't father time be pissed, when I die will I be missed, I have a new found reason to wake up, it's too soon to say love but there's definitely intrigue and lust, at least there's a spark, for so long now I've neglected my heart, afraid of it being broken again, let's start out as friends, and see what happens naturally, relationships don't occur magically, they take hard work trust and compromise, doomed when based on a foundation of lies, but I'm giving this one the benefit of the doubt, my hole says no players or dicks allowed, unless of course I give permission, I always wonder when the beat plays are they listening, or more consumed with the musicality of my tunes, do my lyrics make u think feel or swoon, perhaps they inspire existentialism wisdom or consciousness, I find gangster rappers monotonous and obnoxious, hip hop's supposed to come from the soul, why hasn't it grown, all these years later, yet commercialism is still fueled by greed envy and anger, the story's simply the same, a ghetto trailer park hoodlum rises to fortune and fame, defying the odds, fucking book with street smarts, they use life experiences filled with conflict and struggle, writing and using poetry as therapy to wade thru this kerfuffle, whether man versus man or mind, sure there's hindsight but no rewind, like Em said, "u only get one shot", don't portray urself to be something ur not, Jessie J beautifully sings "don't lose who u are", sometimes it takes more courage and bravery not to spar, but to walk away, I know it's optimistically naive to wish world peace, if u keep the faith have hope and believe, u may never achieve however u should strive to reach for perfection, remember each and every single day is an opportunity and a blessing!

Peace and 1,
JC
4/19/17  

Where U At

Sometimes u need a distraction, reality can be a major let down compared to what u imagined, expectation is a hell of a drug, more addicting than a hug, often times we don't even realize we're doing it, the best relationships have this fluidness, like they transcend space and time, so many are overwhelmed by the 9 to 5 grind, feeling like robotic slaves, ur defined by how u behave more than what u say, after all actions speak louder than words, but derogatory slurs still hurt, u lose the debate when start turning to insults, hate when a grown adult sulks, deferring blame and responsibility, hypocrisy makes u look silly, who u trying to prove, me or u, the truth doesn't always need to be said, quiet the incessant second guessing going on in ur head, confusing a light switch for ur heart, u fall fast and too hard, love and lust are two totally different things, with a foundation based on lies nobody wins, u gotta learn from mistakes, let go of the cheaters flakes and fakes, understand manifest destiny versus fate, to make dreams come true u must first awake, then try and strive, don't settle for just alive but thrive, happiness comes from within, u can only achieve fulfillment if u begin, otherwise there's simply missed opportunities and regret, failure isn't a good bet, cuz if u expect it, u get shit, karma isn't inherently evil, at the end of the day humans are just people, flawed and fallible, success like the horizon seems palpable, but unfortunately it recedes as we approach, since when do we know what we truly need the most, too duped by wants from ego, shouldn't underestimate the power of veto, it's never too late to change, ironic how it takes extreme pain, to finally learn lessons, so busy worrying about what I'm lacking I don't appreciate my blessings, focusing on the future while stuck in the past, staying in the present moment is the quintessential task, the seconds fly by so fast, gotta master the ability to be content with where we're at!

Peace and 1,
JC
4/18/17

Takes Faith & Courage To Evolve From Failure

In life there's always good and bad a beginning and an end, it's tough to lose family or friends, and even harder to find the reason, what's the justifiable meaning, why God allows such atrocity and tragedy, I don't like when others don't like or are mad at me, I've always been a giver and a people pleaser, in my family to show love we can be teasers, sarcasm is our backbone, text lacks tone, so much gets lost in translation, enough with the mansplaning, incessant sexism needs to stop, as well as racism from cops, no one is above the law, humans are inherently fallible and flawed, there's no such thing as perfection, still trying to process this past election, too much corruption in politics, I can't seem to find peace nor solace, with all the divisiveness chaos and anxiety, I'm sick of overprotective people lying to me, u can't save me from the truth, media needs to debunk fake news, otherwise we lose our history, but when our past becomes a mystery, we are doomed to repeat it, a lack of empathy and compassion makes us not feel shit, giving rise to robots and other AI, keep asking why, don't accept that's just the way it is, who says u have to be ruthless to be successful in business, use ur heart and common sense, push thru the fear awkwardness and when things get intense, conquer the impossible, ignorance isn't bliss or logical, magic really exists, find the strength to thrive instead of settling to simply comfortably live, have hope and dreams, motivate faith and believe, cuz time is short, fuck walls and forts, let ur soul shine, failure is only an illusion of the mind, if u have the courage to seek u will find, like Houdini we can break out of restraints and any confines, there's no problem we can't solve, u gotta be willing to admit ur wrong tho to existentially evolve!

Peace and 1,
JC
4/17/17

Don't Change For Fortune Fame Or Love

For me weight has always been a bout, it's hard to maintain motivation and the energy to work out, but we live in a superficial world, where gay men want to be pretty like girls, no fems or fats, funny how some want to be pups or pigs but not cats, perhaps we all have fetishes and kinks, u shouldn't care what other people think, just be comfortable and confident in ur own skin, don't need to be super buff or twinky thin, dad bods are all the rage, metabolism slows as we age, it takes 3 months to pack on the pounds but like 5 to shed them, here we go again, whether it's a new years resolution or summer is coming, sometimes the transformation can be stunning, is it simply genetics or do we have control, u don't need anybody else to make urself whole, happiness comes from within, the first step to a better life is to begin, diet and exercise are the keys, u can't do what u want or please, there's rules to being beautiful, between facials waxing pedicures and manicuring cuticles, make-up and cosmetics are being replaced by quick fix plastic surgery, we need to address our health instead of appearance with such urgency, who cares if u look good when ur dead, don't live ur life filled with regret, starving urself or throwing up is not the answer, u shouldn't look forward to the flu or cancer, I mean really, that's absurdly silly, not to mention deranged, and flat out strange, u gotta have some will power, even ugly people eventually get deflowered, paraplegics and the handicapped still desire sex, when it comes to finding love I feel hexed, often wonder what's wrong with me, maybe my songs are meant to be, but marriage isn't, why am I such a prude about kissing, thinking it's more intimate than sucking or fucking, do u ever get caught up in a moment of lusting, relationships seem impossible, tho lightening striking or winning the lottery is highly improbable, I still believe I have a chance at winning a Grammy, the game shows I like the most are Price Is Right Wheel Of Fortune Match Game and Whammy, maybe someday I will become a hip hop mogul/celebrity, but I sincerely hope fortune and fame won't change or get the best or me!

Peace and 1,
JC
4/13/17

An Honorable Mention

Is anybody even really reading my poems, how does a musician get gigs sponsors or loans, my biggest problem is funding, the lack of support from friends is stunning, I mean we all need a lil help, but when it comes to financial matters it's everyone for themselves, I work 2 jobs to fund my music, record labels today seem to be useless, except to drown artists in debt, after the government takes its share and bills are paid there isn't much left, then uve got producers engineers and lawyers sticking their hands in my pockets, gotta pay to play djs and venues limiting exposure in radio and club markets, cds have become obsolete, watch my YouTube videos please, I need to increase my I-Tunes Amazon SoundCloud and Spotify numbers, advertise and entice fans to become better crowd-funders, what consumers don't understand, if u don't listen and buy my songs I don't stand a chance, shine that spotlight on me for that 5 minutes of fame, so at least ya'll will recognize my name, my whispered tagline Joe Conscious is pretty catchy, I wish industry moguls or rich people would vet me, seems if a person in a position of power with some clout, vouches for u or is seen with u out and about, that's enough to garner attention, I'd settle for an Inquirer or TMZ honorable mention, I mean there is no such thing as a visible mainstream gay white rapper, patience is a virtue I haven't yet mastered, don't misunderstand me fortune isn't what I'm after, I'm tired of expressing my dreams and being met with laughter, my passion/art is not a joke, truly listen to hear the words my heart and soul bared wrote and spoke, I'm a very special rare unique talent, my time effort and dedication has been genuine and valiant, I do it out of love, but like Patty Smyth sings "Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough"!

Peace and 1,
JC
4/12/17

Craft Ur Legacy Sensibly

The loss of a loved one is painful and tragic, memories decompose like plastic, most don't or take forever, even more durable and long lasting than leather, that's why ur legacy is vital, I'm not a fan but respect Jay Z for his career Roc-A-Fella Beyonce and Tidal, talk about businessman/entrepreneur, but I still think if Biggie and Pac were alive he wouldn't have had the chance to soar, or at least not that high, I mean he's talented but bites a lot of rhymes, kinda created pop rap, lacking intellectualism and depth not letting enough time lapse, to live life, experiencing both success and strife, hasn't hip hop evolved past just ghetto gangsters and thugs, I come from middle class America a college educated gay white boy who preaches truth consciousness and love, and I sound good too, breaking thru stereotypes boundaries molds and all the rules, a true activist and revolutionary poet, born and raised in RI but feel I've outgrown it, I'm truly one of a kind, with a complex existentially extreme Gemini mind, an old soul, trying to fill music's void or black hole, where's the relatable heartfelt substance, I tend to see the bigger picture think long term circumference, shortsightedness enables instant gratification, what's the difference between fiction and exaggeration, image is only an illusion, don't be controlled by fear and confusion, it's quite the dream killer, hoping my song "Monstah Mash" is a modern day smash like "Thriller", with crazy costumes in the video a dance and everything, it's a real club banger where I both rap and sing, very catchy foot tapping and head bopping, Pringle style so once u start popping there ain't no stopping, hopefully will be Billboard chart topping, competition sweeping and mopping, blasting on every car stereo and radio station, bringing to fruition my crazy imagination, chilling hobnobbing with stars at the Grammys, I want the whole globe as well as future generations to see feel listen and hear me, if anything's possible then why not, just gotta keep the faith and consistently give it all I've got!  

Peace and 1,
JC
4/11/17

Lifing For Writing

Took last week off from writing, got caught up being social and lifing, trying to garner inspiration, it aint easy blending and integrating, people are mysterious and fickle, assumptions can put u in a pickle, u never know someone's story or struggles, I often wonder if we're all pieces of the same puzzle, or if that's a naive misnomer, I'm a constantly dissed loner, perhaps the punishment for being gay, am I even allowed to pray, or does God just ignore, blasphemous same sex whores, according to what Muslim extremists and most Christians think, homos should be eradicated and executed until extinct, since we're a blight on humanity, believing the Gospel dictates law is actually insanity, u don't get to pick and choose which rules to follow, judging others proves ur cold and hollow, lacking empathy and compassion, priests masking righteousness thru fashion, I mean they're dressing drag in a skirt, is raping alter boys the Lord's work, so many cover-ups by the diocese, our government's filled with a bunch of liars and thieves, stealing hard earned money thru excessive taxes, does your mood adjust to the moon as it wanes and waxes, perhaps Mercury is in retrograde, I'm obsessed with "Let It Go" by James Bay, it's my go to karaoke song I sing, if I want to diversify my style instead of only rapping, I can consistently do it better, than "If I Was Your Man" "Brave" and "We Belong Together", otherwise it's usually "Juicy" "Changes" "How To Love" "Gangster's Paradise" "Sing For The Moment" "Everything Is Everything" or "All Falls Down", a personal and fan favorite is "Where Is The Love" which is extremely lyrically profound, still very much applies today, wish music could somehow refind it's way, back to more substantive messages, so sick of liberals or conservatives how about progressives, switch shit up, Trump sucks and it seems we're more than a lil bit fucked, guess we sold our soul, didn't ya'll know life isn't a fame game or popularity contest reality tv show, time to awake, America is neither great nor safe, read and heed my poetic warnings, no guarentee but hopefully there'll be and we'll see another tomorrow morning!

Peace and 1,
JC
4/10/17

Coulda Woulda Shoulda

If I could save the world I would, I help not cuz I have to but should, it's why I am genuinely good, no regrets I did all I could, the rest is up to u, what will u do, give up and lay down, add on a few pounds, from drinking too much, caught up in lust, every week a new man, then wonder why they aren't a fan, abusees often become abusers, in war even winners are losers, what's the price or cost, one innocent lost, is just too many, is it possible to be overly friendly, I trust pretty easily, taken advantage of repeatedly, yet I don't learn my lesson, aware of my blessings, hence why I'm able to give, we're all aboard a sinking ship, with Trump at the helm, on edge anxious and overwhelmed, health issues bombarding, a lack of friends comradering, hurt by ur indecisiveness, ur soul's windows grown lifeless, without that twinkle in ur eyes, omission's as bad as lies, cried wolf so many times, honesty and respect are supposed to be enshrined, but u bastardized honor, I'm over the bullshit and drama, forgiveness is vital, but when communication becomes idle, u initiate the ultimate test, don't rely on others to clean up ur mess, u gotta be ur own savior, stop perpetuating past bad behavior, I'm not judging, simply acknowledging what's troubling, gaming shaming and blaming, is tainting and degrading explaining, changing is validating proof, sorry isn't enough of an apology when sincerity is aloof, it's an empty word, especially when excessively heard, I find no satisfaction in revenge or getting even, some beating or stealing has a logical rationale/reason, pushing too hard or far, breaks hearts and leaves marks or a scar, in the end was it worth it, when it comes to relationships practice makes perfect!

Peace and 1,

JC

4/3/17  

Who, What, When, Where & How

Bet u think this poem is about u, just another vain fool, most times I'm talking to myself, yes I know I need professional help, they say that's a sign of genius, why are men judged by their penis, can't start a fire without a spark, in order to love u need a heart, a majority of hot jocks and beautiful blondes aren't smart, online dating allows finding hook ups a la carte, no strings attached, relationships started from meeting at bars and clubs don't last, the internet has ruined social interaction, I personally know adults that lack dreams purpose and passion, just going thru the motions, like a robot lacking empathy or emotion, and forget about critical thinking, fun only involves drugs and drinking, our movies and music are all recycled garbage, our government is hell bent on spreading war and carnage, simply because it's more profitable, what happened to human kindness the greater good and being hospitable, discrimination and bigotry are running rampant, life seems to be one giant tangent, imaginary like the horizon line, receding and fleeting over time, which is another man-made construct, stop letting society control ur conduct, dictating who what when where and how, focus less on the past and future and live in the here and now, apply the golden rule, if everything happens for a reason use experience as a tool, learn the difference between knowledge and wisdom, this is not Trump's kingdom, we're still a democratic republic, everything Obama did he gutted it, reversing progress taking us backwards, reinvesting in coal and oil which are hazards, ruining our planet, I can't fucking stand it, wake up people, fight against the forces of evil, before it's too late, let's make the whole world sustainable socialistic and great, aren't there enough money and resources to go around, a change has gotta come and it needs to be profound!

Peace and 1,
JC
3/31/17

A Complicated Dance

Tired but pushing thru, trying not to overdo, tho fun is important, our hours allotted get shortened, between my day job music and working out, I've only got a little amount of energy to shout or bout, let alone squeeze in an occasional massage, send Mr. Sandman my regards, if sleep is the cousin of death, then so are coffins and beds, people always said I was an old soul, who can I blame for the youth time stole, with every tick-tock of the clock, destiny knocks, til ur reflection becomes unrecognizably aged, trapped and attached to a body ur consciousness enslaved, the temple's been neglected, poisoned and infected, by chaos along with the strife and plight of life, confused by truth and lies wrong or right, who ultimately decides, some imaginary guy in the sky, is it all just an illusion, can u become addicted to losing, finding comfort believing in bad luck, cuz I'm feeling cursed as fuck, like the devil's got a hold, I don't fit any normal mold, a freak of nature, ashamed of what ya mamma gave ya, shaking my ass isn't a money maker, imagine if there was a powerful eraser, that could delete all ur mistakes, allowing u to control and change fate, I wonder if anyone's been named God, I've heard Jesus a lot, but with a different pronunciation like hey Zeus, religion perpetuates abuse, think of all the wars fought, faith and magic can't be taught, we must find and walk our own path, can u please direct me to someone who can answer the questions I have to ask, I'm so lost, how much does enlightenment cost, is there some sort of cheat sheet, perhaps there's no meet and greet, just eternal black, keep moving forward stop looking back, there's simply one chance, think of existence as a complicated dance!

Peace and 1,
JC
3/30/17

Unconditional True Love's A Gift

Many days I awake still stumped, it's Wednesday so I'm trying to make it over the hump, I'm exhausted from worrying, everyone's in a hurry scurrying, instead of focusing on being in the moment, feels like I'm going against the tide rowing, so I'm getting nowhere, hoes don't care, it's just business to them, I don't want to get my heart broken again, having trouble even finding friends, my life's so different not always being bent, I can better manage my emotions, I'm not into promiscuousness makeup waxing plucking nor lathering lotions, cuz my beauty comes from the soul, healthiness is my ultimate goal, spiritual mental and physical, it's hard to distinguish between sarcastic and literal, guess I'm not all that easy to read, super nice and genuine is impossible for people to believe, ain't motivated by popularity or greed, please don't put ur past bad relationships on me, I am far from perfect, I've repeatedly sat by and watched u work it, right after u said uve changed, double standards are strange, it's tough to be a reflective mirror, being an empath I need to separate my shit clearer, getting too close makes things overwhelmingly confusing, happiness and success are simply illusions, manifestations of what we think others want to see, is this all but a dream, if so I want to wake up, wish I could at least make out if we can't make love, seems I don't meet ur standards, learn that asshole isn't synonymous with candor, why am I so sensitive and loyal, trying to suppress the point of boiled, a repressed ticking time bomb, keeping my over-analyzing mind calm, so I don't take my finger off the switch, become unstable and unhinged, gotta maintain equilibrium and balance, miss the days of idolizing chivalry and valiance, good got bastardized, the truth's disguised by lies, the world got shit twisted and is ass backwards, don't ignore and laugh at my words, my poetry is wise and profound, global warming is a fact Earth isn't flat it's round, ignorance isn't bliss, nothing not even fucking is more intimate than a kiss, said Julia Roberts in "Pretty Woman", stop presenting urselves if unavailable not cuz u can't but cuz u shouldn't, lust isn't a game, heartache can drive a person to kill or insane, love ain't nothing to fuck with, when unconditional and true it's a gift!

Peace and 1,
JC
3/29/17

Part Of That World

I don't need fame and fortune for validation, nor do I promote malice and hating, ghetto gangster thug just isn't in my nature, I prefer not to premeditate or cater, i'd rather be vague and more relatable, opinions unlike truth are debatable, but it's all perception, I love Italian food but also Chinese and Mexican, which makes me miss California like crazy, a lack of farmer's markets and better weather is phasing me, I never realized how much my emotions are tied to the environment, it's funny I don't dream of retirement, instead I hope and pray someday music becomes my career, hobnobbing with stars over a blunt and a beer, performing or recording every night, sweating my balls off being under the lights, going from cities and states to other countries, please don't belittle and make fun of me, I truly believe it is my destiny, I have faith some things are simply meant to be, but practice passion and perseverance helps, I serve the greater good not just myself, I wanna rise to lift the collective up, I endorse truth justice consciousness and love, which is unusual in hip hop today, plus I'm middle class college educated and masculine gay, definitely not a stereotype, I push and breakdown boundaries and limitations in life, anything is possible when u put ur mind heart and soul into it, u can't be rewarded for not doing shit, hard work eventually pays off, happiness and respect can't be bought, I wanna make my parents proud, have the name Vacca mean more than just cow, like Ariel sings "I don't know when...I don't know how", "but I know something's starting right now", "watch and ull see", "some day I'll be", rocking a victory speech at the Grammys, while all ya'll are jaw dropped at home on the couch in ur jammies!

Peace and 1,
JC
3/28/17

A Few Tokens & Keys

The key to success is motivation and consistency, I try to imagine in utopia how much bliss there'd be, no right or wrong just ignorance, what do all ya'll sinners think, in death we'd move on to a better place, do u believe free will is a hoax or waste, is there a divine higher plan/a pre-slated plate or fate, I can't remember the last time I went out on an actual date, men aren't the best romantics or wooers, where's all the givers and doers, everyone's waiting for Prince Charming to come sweep them off their feet, nobody waits til marriage to do the deed, we treat mates like cars, checking under the hood and taking a test drive still scars, taints the purity, not smoking pot seems to have cured me, I'm less anxious all the time, not even uninspired to continue writing rhymes, in fact I'm more clearheaded and focused, lust is a locust, beautiful, but's got a deadly bite, I hate to fight, sometimes tho it's a necessity, can't let jealousy get the best of me, I must be patient, perhaps I've been too complacent, gotta socialize more, without being too much of a slutty whore, it's a fact, life and love are a balancing act, it's hard not to lose urself, especially since we all need help, at one point or another, wish my transitions were smooth like butter, cuz my ride is bumpy and windy, pain can make the blind see, if they're willing and open, forgiveness is both a lesson and a token, peace and happiness is a state of mind, seek and u may find, beware of expectation and judgment, artists are honorary ombudsmen, keeping authority in line, only the faith are conscious of signs, there's gotta be purpose, trust ur guts fears and nervousness, have hope in positivity, take risks to learn what ur limits and boundaries be, travel as often as u can, take it step by step day by day and remember ur just one man, brush-fires start with a simple small spark, and stars shine brightest when it's really dark, guard ur soul and heart, understanding we don't know anything makes u wise not smart, appreciate all that uve got, materialistically speaking we don't need a lot, what's important are family and friends, fuck money cuz u can't take it with u when it all ends!

Peace and 1,

JC

3/27/17

Price Versus Cost

Trying to learn how to have more fun in my life, being serious and too deep all the time makes me prude and uptight, gotta get out of this rut, stop thinking in RI I'm destined to stay stuck, it isn't better anywhere else, traveling a lot helps, broadening horizons and perspective, still can't get over the President the Electoral College elected, but politics and news exacerbates my stress levels, I mean who cares if the economy is disheveled, totally joshing/being facetious if u didn't know, ya'll can't take sarcasm or a joke, apparently I have a wicked sense of humor, not a fan of Anthony Jeslenik or Amy Schumer, they dated at one time, both don't just toe but go over and cross the line, I simply don't like mean funny, art isn't valued by money, I mean sure it has cost, but like the soul shouldn't be bought, unless there's connection and meaning, never give up on dreams or stop believing, everything happens for a reason, and changes like the seasons, often times cyclical, repetition perpetuates cynical, love needs to be reciprocal, if u can dish shit but can't take it that's hypocritical, overpopulation is making this world unlivable, billionaires make the game unwinnable, hoarding all the dough, imagine if that was illegal tho, there'd be better distribution of wealth, perhaps we'd have the right to both free education and health, the US is one of the richest nations, but it's been years since I could enjoy a vacation, temp agencies have become human resources, bonuses should go to the workers not just the bosses, banks shouldn't be profiting off the poor, and credit card companies outrageous interest rates rape us like whores, profit margins are out of control, use wind and solar energy instead of gas oil and coal, we keep heading down the wrong path, corrections need to be made and must happen fast, otherwise the future looks damned and bleak, why couldn't we have just let Bernie lead?!

Peace and 1,
JC
3/24/17

Just Laugh At & Pass Past Bads

A big flaw of mine is caring too much, oversharing/spilling my guts, it's hard to tell the difference between friendship love and lust, and don't forget petty jealousy and envy, perhaps I should stop trying to force what wasn't meant for me, can't decide if I'm stubborn or determined, am I born gay or was it learned, since many believe we're products of our environment, never assume what a habitual liar meant, misunderstanding is common in communication, did u expect me to forever stay patiently waiting, I'm simply not built that way, I don't fake feelings or censor what I say, just genuine and direct, over analyze and reflect in hindsight/retrospect, too serious and existential, extremely intense and perceived mental, a prude dude, with a snobbish attitude, but if u took the chance, to converse run game or do the flirtatious dance, u might be surprised, I'm actually humble modest and a lil shy guy, somewhat insecure, always looking for more, that's the Gemini in me, keep searching for my happy, it's not in someone else, we all need help, but true strength resides within, it's not about where u end up or begin, the journey is most important, I prefer foreplay dating and courting, than casual sex blow and goes, everyone reaps what they sow, so take responsibility for ur actions, find ur purpose and passion, cuz life is short and fleeting, never stop believing, anything is possible but uve got to have the desire to at least try, u don't know what u got til it's gone especially when a loved one dies, so appreciate and value this moment, remember forgiveness and atonement, treasure ur relationships, even burned bridges can be fixed, if there's a solid foundation, when u belly-flop face-plant or pound pavement, get up dust it off let shit pass and just laugh, cuz time flies by way to fast to stay stuck in past bads!

Peace and 1,
JC
3/23/17  

What The Hell Is The Point

Some days are better than others, my best friends growing up are still like my brothers, most I met thru soccer, but the biggest shocker, is as we get older, people become harder and colder, anti social and cliquey, I'm left here wondering what's wrong with me, single and never been in love, barely can find cuddles or hugs, affection isn't a finite limited resource, but it seems my only recourse, is sinking down to the level of promiscuous slut, there's way more important things than a good fuck or nut, I'm so damn bored all the time, u shouldn't leave me alone with my mind, it's driven me past crazy, to just plain lazy, totally judgmental about those thot, I can't believe it's been almost two months and I haven't smoked pot, it's kinda weird to be so clear headed, pretty sad how drugs and alcohol are deeply embedded, into our definition of fun, ironic like safety and guns, I think humans are synonymous with fallible hypocrites, sorry not sorry but the tall tale of Jesus is ridiculous, so many inconsistencies and holes, ever played the game telephone, perhaps that's what happened, and leaders in power are banking big laughing, demoralizing women Muslim and gays, telling us to pray the sin away, using fear guilt and shame, even the pope's trying to gain fame, everything's a hoax, the truth is cloaked, hidden so deep, seems impossible to make that leap, faith and hope are both lost, how much did the collective soul cost, I don't wanna be all pessimistic negative and preachy, but I can't pretend to be happy fine and dandy or peachy, I'm filled with angst anxiety and very annoyed, constantly questioning what the hell is the point?!

Peace and 1,
JC
3/22/17

Che Sara Sara

Been back working out, since existence is an endless battle/bout, carouselling and yo-yoing, constantly restarting and going, up and down, this urological problem has been profound, knocked me off my game, I haven't felt the same, lost my confidence and spunk, I'm insecure about my junk, afraid that one wrong move, and I could be screwed, when it comes to men I'm super picky, not into feminine or twinky, I'm a lil bit kinky, but wicked over sensitive/over thinky, I can't help it I'm Joe Conscious, some find me too intense serious and obnoxious, I don't censor myself, always try to be genuine and help, much more of a giver, but lately been jealous and bitter, cuz so many people leave me, I love unconditional and deeply, it hurts to be ghosted and pushed away, I often feel cursed cuz I'm a masculine gay, totally misunderstood, tired of stroking my own ego and wood, I fight for the forces of good, wish my music had street cred being blasted in the hood, some day I truly believe, I am destined to succeed, otherwise what was the point of this life, all the pain and the strife, they say seek and u shall find, long lasting relationships blow my mind, where do they get the patience from, when compromising how do they not become undone, losing their individuality in a collective we, while I stay independent and free, longing to find my other half, it's getting harder to simply smile and laugh, the future weighs heavy, tho I appear thick skinned and rock steady, I'm actually soft and fragile, gotta stretch and stay agile, in case I have to flee, perhaps it's time to adopt the motto che sara sara whatever will be will be, and let go of control, stop swimming in this abyss of a black hole, before my soul grows cold, so old and alone I just fold, my spirit won't have the desire to play the hand God dealt and planned, man can't command the power to meet divine demands, death is impossible to fathom and understand, but my damn hourglass finally ran out of sand!

Peace and 1,
JC
3/21/17

Rest In Peace Dear Friend

Yesterday I lost a dear friend, we can't control when a life ends, but he was much too young, leaving behind a daughter and a son, the story is just tragic, do u believe in magic, in times like these, it's impossible to conceive, if there is a God, why does it all seem so hard, making money and finding love, my spirit needs a comforting hug, as my hope and faith, slowly's fading away, cuz the doom and gloom, perpetually rises with the moon, like clockwork shit happens, death comes with overwhelming saddening, can't keep my composure, stress increases with responsibility as we get older, never learn how to navigate fate, I thought everyone was destined to be great, but most lack ambition and courage, weighed down by fear or materialistic luggage, what is the legacy u want to leave, please don't ever give up on dreams, all u need's some action and passion, anything's possible if u keep imagining, I truly agree, there's more than we can know or see, like the air we breathe, karma isn't vengeful or mean, souls transcend, if hearts can break then minds bend, wounds scar when they mend, tho ull never recapture the past again, cuz seasons change like family and friends, but music lasts forever, we are much stronger united together, brave the inevitable stormy weather, success is individually measured, u define greatness, heaven doesn't have a wait list, we can't duplicate or make bliss, it'll take a while to shake this, any loss takes time, stop trying to rationalize the reason or rhyme, the lord works in mysterious ways, divinely guiding us thru the crazy hazy maze, the end is not defeat, til we meet again dear friend rest in peace!

Peace and 1,
JC
3/20/17