Forgive & Let Live

I know he made me happy cuz now I'm not, maybe he does still love me just forgot, but there was never trust on his part, dealing with double standard hypocrisy was too hard, think it's finally time to move again, make new friends, get away from this place, feel like a failure and a disgrace, I let myself down the most, I wonder if I'll miss him like the west coast, but I wanna go somewhere different I've never lived, I know I won't get the satisfaction of being forgived, which isn't a word, I know how absurd, a rapper making up lingo, wish we had a chance to go together to musical bingo, for shizzle my nizzle, but our relationship has more than simply fizzled, but there will always be love there, we got consumed by insecurities and fear, I'm done tho playing the blame game, gotta focus on fame, being an indy artist, stay humble grounded and modest, cuz nobody likes conceited or cocky, I wanna win a Grammy and nothing or nobody can stop me, I'm determined and driven, working isn't living, it's supposed to improve quality, in all honesty, I think evil has taken over, sometimes I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders, I wanna make my parents proud, perhaps I share too much too loud, like an open book, I prefer not to cook, that doesn't mean I can't, I want a man who understands, that I am who I am, I like to try to make plans, but with so many fakes and flakes, flying solo seems to be my fate, and I'm ok with that, love isn't something I lack, I'm lucky and blessed, I don't believe in perfection or that I'm the best, always bettering myself, unafraid to admit I need help, at the end of the day we're all just people, do not succumb to the powers of evil, stay true to who u are, always follow ur gut and heart, please don't sell ur soul either, I tend to be more spiritual than a Jesus believer, altho I grew up Catholic, I wanna be a superstar not an asterisk, but only ya'll can help make that happen, instead of condescendingly laughing, take a listen to my songs, especially after ripping the bong, and if it's not ur cup of tea, that's totally fine with me, but if u do than tell a fellow hip hop fan, seems good smart lyrical content isn't in demand, like Meghan sings "it's all about that bass", why's rap music anti white and gays, like either of those are disqualifying traits, finding success is a maze, that basically just leads to dead ends, I've thought about officiating weddings, or doing massage therapy professionally, I tried adult day care but I wasn't prepared mentally, now instead of paralegal I'm a fiscal clerk, who knows what future careers lurk, wish my art would pay the bills, still have to make a will, just in case, of the Rapture/End Of Days, hope we can change our course to a forward direction, make sure if ur unhappy with our president u go out in vote in elections!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
4/27/18

From Inspirational Muse To A Brown Noun

There's nothing better than an artist scorned, my desire to write and create has been reborn, instead of letting love turn to hate, I'll put all that wasted emotion into the music I make, it'll take time to heal, nobody can make u do or feel, it is always ur choice, my mind is consumed with so much noise, societal expectation and criticism, I swear most people are only pretending to listen, only caring about themselves, unempathetic and unwilling to help, unless of course it benefits them in some way, sick of this mentality u gotta pay to play, life is funny, fuck love just give me the money, it's the only thing that really matters, if u wanna be popular abstain from getting fatter, we're super superficial, self righteous and hypocritical, judgmental sinners, criminals are the winners, don't u know the nice finish last, time is too precious and flies by fast, so seize the moment, keep moving forward learning and growing, we're all works in progress, stop with the macho dick swinging contest, ya'll trying too hard, play the hand dealt in cards, quit comparing with envy, watch out for back stabbing from jealousy, they'll build u up just to tear u down, my ex is definitely a brown noun, I have hope tho again, finally reconnecting with real friends, he made my world small, taught me to build barriers and walls, especially around my heart, actually he wasn't very smart, cuz nobody survives alone, gotta let the bad past go, otherwise it'll destroy future opportunity, I wanna contribute to the rise of our community, prove that sexual preference can't supersede talent, I try to stay cordial respectful and valiant, but when I repeatedly take the blame, I started to realize u were playing me like a game, a perpetrator can never be the victim, perhaps I should've just let u go to prison, instead I enabled u, made a fool, gullible ignorant and naive, I don't need to grieve, cuz I understand I was used, that's just what drug addicts and users do, I don't think he truly ever even love me, and now I'm free, single and ready to mingle, while the people who care about him dwindle, sometimes it's a curse to see the best in others, there's a huge difference between codependent necessity and unconditional partnered lovers, I'm still waiting for the latter, u assume I got my parent's silver platter, there's nothing further from the truth, yes I may live under their roof, and I am very blessed, but I'm humble enough to know I'm no better than the rest, I'm not cocky or conceited, I was the only one to be there whenever u needed, cuz u were ungrateful, kept falsely accusing me of being unfaithful, delusional with double standards, that would make it easier for u if I was a philanderer, but I'm not, give it all u got, u won't ruin my reputation, go see a psychiatrist or get an education, and quit ur pity party bitching, pretty soon ull be missing my kissing, but I'll be like Kelly sings "already gone", ull no longer be my muse or inspiration for poems or songs!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
4/26/18   

Just Infatuation & Lust

Think we finally killed any love left, wish I could sue u for theft, not only did u steal my heart but u shattered it too, when I think back on all we've been thru, I realize it was such a waste of precious time, I'm done trying, u obviously don't wanna make this work, u continuously act like a jerk, never changing for the better, I'm happier when we're not together, uve always been a real let down, incapable of romance self sustainability or being intellectually profound, ur underemployed and can't drive, ur full of false assumptions and lies, good luck and well wishes, I'm sick of double standards from hypocritical bitches, I may be spoiled and coddled, but fuck ur judgmental criticisms u aint no role model, in fact ur a prime example of what not to be, u can keep turning everything around on me, but people can see thru ur illusion, ur recollection of things is utter delusion, ur a pathetic excuse of a partner, neither a flower nor a gardener, u don't have a pot to piss in, I've been too forgiving, totally enabling ur bad habits, our relationship is mad tragic, ur not anywhere near my caliber or level, I hope without me u spiral and dishevel, I kept u afloat so long, u never apologized or admitted u were wrong, extremely insecure and jealous, u made pursuing my dreams hellish, abusively unsupportive and neglectful, staying with u a year has made me regretful, I'm embarrassed I fell for ur tricks, sorry not sorry Kevin but ur dismissed, we are officially over, a huge weight's lifted off my shoulders, I can breathe again, doubt we'll be friends, and I'm glad we're done, u won hun, I'd rather be single and alone, then sacrifice myself to create us a happy home, no more riding coattails bubba, I only wanted a lover, not someone I have to take care of and save, ur bipolarness comes in waves, but when it does it sucks, I've come to learn that this wasn't love it was infatuation and lust, ur ugly on the inside, which u can't hide, there were no tears cried, today music lived it was my love for u that died. 

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
4/25/18

Instantly Knew It Was U

Wish there was more I could do to cheer u up
Sometimes my love isn't enough
Ur so incredible
Only one to have access to my unmentionables
Ur the first person I think of
I wanna be there right now to give u a hug
U poor thing
Why can't I reciprocate the joy u bring
I'm wicked easy to please
Ur not only what I want but what I need
Beautiful both inside and out
From the minute u put ur lips to my mouth
Instantly I knew
The person I wanna spend the rest of my life with is u

-Joe Conscious
4/20/18

Don't Be Indifferent To The Blistering Belligerent Bickering

Haven't had much to say, in the past few days, but it doesn't mean I ain't stressed, perhaps it's writer's block I guess, I've been so focused on my new album coming out, hope it helps finally give me some respect and clout, I don't need money or awards, I'm perfectly happen with some name recognition and applause, at least for now, I'd achieve success if I knew how, what am I doing wrong, maybe too lengthy wordy songs, people don't like to think, in fact common sense is almost extinct, hip hop music today stinks, rappers self proclaim themselves Gods and kings, without paying any dues, who makes up these industry standards and rules, cuz I'm confused, why are indy artists neglected and abused, if Macklemore and Chance can do it so can I, performing for me is a natural rush/high, trying to spread that "Truth Love & Consciousness", I'm sick of all this unintelligent nonsensical obnoxiousness, what happened to the value of lyrics, is there a moral to the story or didn't I hear it, we need to grow past this ghetto gangster mentality, but go back to before digital and virtual reality, it's consuming human's existence, like a ravenous contagious plague epidemic and there's no resistance, when it comes to history we're pretty much ignorant, enough with being indifferent to the blistering belligerent bickering, between repubs and dems, let's not toe the fiscal cliff again, stop playing with our lives, fuck political lies and bribes, the economy isn't something to play with, Trump's divided us and shed light on our nation's discriminating hatred, it's like it's inherently ingrained, the working poor are becoming more and more enslaved, simpleton monotonous robots, hitting brick walls dead ends and roadblocks, at every step or turn, the nice guy's always getting robbed or burned, defined by atrocity, conclusions aren't answered logically, can't follow ur train of thought, how does one's soul get bought, does a heart actually break, do we have free will or prisoners of predestined fate, stuck pondering, aimlessly wandering, searching for some purpose and meaning, when did we collectively give up on believing, especially in our individual power within, is there redemption from any sin, what about losing faith, have no hope thing's will still change, nothing's getting better or easier, just harder and sleazier, hard work no longer pays, criminals are idolized and praised, even elected president, society turned backwards upside down and it's pretty evident, peace has been replaced by chaos, let's have a seance, to talk to MLK Bob Marley or Pac, so I can ask these revolutionaries how the hell they made it to the top, leaving an incredibly long epic legacy, many try to replicate out of envy and jealousy, this isn't a west vs east coast revelry, bop ur head or tap ur feet to the melody, please just do me the favor and remember me!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
4/11/18

A Stagnant Magnet

One day left to go for the work week, does anybody else feel like life's a jerk on repeat, after a while it all seems the same, like existence is just a game, and I'm losing badly, would start from scratch gladly, but not ready to give up, America's the new Titanic our ship's sunk, why don't we live love, I miss his hugs, I don't see him enough, guess it's tough luck, success is aloof, there's no proof of the truth, we ultimately decide, what if religion is an elaborate lie, simply used as a tool to control, why in business is there no ethical heart or soul, what's more important experience or education, u for holistic remedies or medication, u know pharmaceuticals own our government, corporations oil companies and big banks aren't suffering, in fact they got tax cuts, haven't ya'll had enough, so much corruption and greed, nothing is free, not even the air we breathe, is God a he or a she, perhaps a genderless it, pondering existential questions is some strenuous shit, I mean did the chicken or egg come first, why did Jesus leave us cursed, is Earth really hell, and Trump the devil, kinda makes sense, we're extremely divided and tense, on the verge of both civil and world wars, as the rich 1%'s wealth astronomically soars, will there be a financial collapse, debt can enslave and entraps, humans appear to be naive ignorant gullible saps, while pay raises collectively lags and drags, going on decades with no increase, with mass school shootings we expect teachers to be police, they're already parenting our kids, do u realize that Santa the Easter Bunny and the Tooth-fairy are elaborate fibs, duping exponential generations, shouldn't make blanket statements based on generalizations, stereotypes aren't always accurate, can conception really be immaculate, I wanna know who shot, JFK Biggie and Pac, we need to redefine our inalienable rights, why does everything resort to violent demonstrations or fights, there's no hope for peace, look what we sowed and reaped, is this the legacy we want to leave, no fundamental faith or belief, wolves are outnumbering sheep, the uphill battle is dangerously steep, I keep trying to save up money to move and just leave, wish I still had some tricks up my sleeve, but I'm all out of ideas, compromised by my fears, so I'm unmotivated and stagnant, lost souls are attracted to me like a magnet, I'm no better off, tho I walk my talk, I'm in the same boat, that can't carry us across the moat, an outsider begging to be let in, finally gays get their wedding, but they're not impervious to divorce, does patience have its rewards, cuz I haven't seen any fruits from my labor, ya'll are foolish to think Trump would be our savior, fuck the electoral college, Congress is void of all common sense wisdom and knowledge, basically useless and rather inept, how can we avoid the gravity effect, that which rises must fall, funny how 2 superpowers can make the whole global economy stall.

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
4/5/18 

Death Makes Me An Emotional Wreck

Of course hell exists, we're living in it, if ya'll actually analyze life, it ain't nothing but pain atrocity tragedy and strife, we all wind up dead, but true extinction is when we forget, we live on thru the minds and hearts of others, how can u be billionaires be greedy while the 98% suffers, lying and cheating, is one degree lower than killing and stealing, get what u want by hard work, don't be a smart jerk, it's still wrong even if u didn't get caught, our soul's priceless and should never be bought, stand up for what u believe in, look at the results ur yielding, but u determine what success is, shouldn't strive for perfection or to be the bestest, I'm ok with above average, my life isn't less valuable cuz I didn't have kids or a marriage, I know I am worthy, both God and the universe have burned me, but I'm still here, I refuse to be ruled by fear, it isn't easy trying to stay positive, negativity like sexuality shouldn't be closeted, nobody is happy all the time, stop saying ur fine, especially if ur not, gotta give ur passion everything uve got, or else dreams won't come true, put urself in someone else's shoes, before u criticize or judge, life's way too short to hold a grudge, love is stronger than hate, do u think there's free will or a predestined fate, that answer decides who holds the power, what do u want to accomplish before ur final hours, there isn't enough emphasis on developing a legacy, do u want to be kept alive artificially/medically, cremated or buried, did school actually help get u adult ready, lately I've been all over the place, must remember life is a journey not a race, don't compare urself to ur peers, there's no better high than tons of applause compliments and cheers, u can't recapture ur youth, ur not helping hiding the truth, remain genuine open and honest, it's overwhelming being an indy artist, money is the biggest issue, I woke up this morning needing a tissue, cuz I kept dreaming about Jeff, I'm such an emotional mess, but I'll cherish the fond memories, refrain from making enemies, by simply doing the right thing, never give up and let the fight win, find some inner peace, strive to go farther than u can reach, "Beyond The Stars", are women really from Venus and men from Mars, it's kind of logical, we need to pick better role models, fuck Trump, Bernie should've won, now we're extremely divided, how have we become so numb and misguided, forgetting to learn from our past history, humanity's survival is very much a mystery, with nuclear weapons galore, I never understood the allure of war, what does it solve, why can't we existentially elevate and evolve, enough is enough already people, please don't let the whole globe get destroyed and corrupted by evil!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
3/30/18

Everything Isn't Always Colorful Or Wonderful

It's been a rough week, to say the least, but it's getting really old, why are God the universe and karma so cold, like they enjoy seeing us suffer and squirm, I don't need tragedy to learn, I am perfectly capable of evolving, handling conflict and problem solving, without having to fail, sometimes I get so angry I actually wail, I'm so sick of life, all the pain plight and strife, it's just never-ending, the ghosting defriending and benching, it's almost too much to bare, and nobody really cares, cuz they're tired of my bitching and complaining, I understand it's annoying and draining, but I go above and beyond for other people, the lack of reciprocity is unbelievable, for them to say they didn't ask, please don't make me laugh, it doesn't excuse u from being indebted, why are guilt and shame so embedded, I have this inane inability to say no, when do I get to reap what I sow, I've worked long and hard, gave all my soul and heart, yet it isn't enough, I'm unsuccessful at both music and love, so I ask myself what is the fucking point, I wanna smoke a fat ass blunt or joint, then contemplate existential questions, when ur stuck in a rut it's impossible to see and appreciate any blessings, I've run out of time patience and luck, I have this extreme insatiable appetite of unfulfilled horniness and lust, I need some kinky sex, feel like my relationship is hexed, every day goes by and nothing's changed, except I'm more bitter jaded combative and enraged, I want compliments and credit, imagine if we could go back to edit, mistakes wouldn't happen, I'd forego college to pursue rapping, it sucks being such a late bloomer, perhaps I should take over for my dad and be a dog breeder/boarder/groomer, I simply want my future to be financially sustainable and secure, takes tremendous strength to avoid being consumed by fame's allure, even tho I know it's imperative, to move forward less negative, something has got to give, I'm frustrated and pissed, that everybody else gets to take and take and take, I hate the spoiled fakes and flakes, getting my hopes and expectations up, ya'll don't have half my drive or guts, but receive no empathy or compassion, keep waiting for action, when we have the power to make fate, given free will and a blank slate, unless u believe in predestiny, human's are responsible regrettably, since by nature we're fallible, the word war isn't palatable, violence can't be the answer, perhaps we're in fact a type of cancer, maybe Earth is just a snow globe, do u ever wanna go rogue, run away and hide, close ur eyes and die, those aren't good thoughts, I pretend to be butterflies and moths, depending on if I'm feeling colorful, wish I was genuinely happy and wonderful, but the truth is I'm not, probably won't be very long now before I'm replaced by a robot!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
3/29/18

Stop Waiting On The Other Shoe To Drop

Accidents happen, but is God up there laughing, cuz I feel like he's a sadistic prick, an outright asshole/dick, there are so many flaws in creation, him and I need mediation, we've got issues, it's always neglect or abuse, who's the Gemini here, death provokes extreme fear, I'm tired of the universe fucking with me, work's life sucking ain't free, in fact I make out in the deal, but I swear taxes are imposed to legally steal, our government is so fucked up and corrupt, citizens are about to erupt, they no longer serve the people, while our president is the very definition of evil, a ruthless business man, every election I'm like "what is this sham", it's not even about the popular vote, runs our country like it's a reality tv show, quite frankly I'm disgusted, Amazon and Walmart are even invading the rural and rustic, technology's making humanity obsolete, black folks still can't really trust cops and police, there's so much systemic racism discrimination and prejudice, sometimes sheer existence seems incredulous, too many unanswerable questions, how can atrocity be perceived as a blessing, rock bottom sucks, what if ur consistently down on ur luck, stuck in rut, and got the awful feeling in ur gut, just waiting for the other shoe to drop, can this curse be stopped, is the point of life to die, do I even believe in an invisible man in the sky, who was magically able to resurrect and rise, could miraculously turn water into wine, but also heals and cleanses, empathy's about seeing things from other perspectives and lenses, open ur mind's eye, of course we can all fly, there's Southwest Delta and United, perhaps tragedy is needed for a spark or flame to be ignited, light inevitably conquers darkness, don't sell ur soul or become numb and heartless, like Mariah sings "gotta keep the faith", "and love will be there to guide the way", having hope is the key, shouldn't focus on how long is eternity, ull simply stress urself out, be brave bout and don't be afraid to help shout, our collective voice is super strong, in time history will tell what was virtuously righteous and true or wrong, it is pretty much common sense, it's ok to make mistakes fail and fall if u take responsibility learn and repent, sorrow and forgiveness are important, we all need a support system and reinforcements, "we get by with a little help from our friends", be sure to respect elders and ur rents, they are full of wisdom, Earth is our kingdom, like our bodies are temples we must take care of them, tho I often wonder if we are born again, reincarnated and recycled, some say my generation is spoiled and entitled, whatever our future holds, always try ur best to achieve dreams and goals but enjoy the journey as it unfolds!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
3/28/18 

Let's Assess This Where Success Is

I need to change my ways, having lots of trouble these days, my anxiety is always thru the roof, the next level seems to be aloof, no matter what I try, I can't crossover to the other side, to where success is, let's collectively assess this, I double majored and got a BA in college, got years of work experience common sense and street knowledge, I'm very well traveled, but my goal's future's becoming unraveled, how do I make it as an emcee/rapper, I wanna celebrate be happy and find laughter, lately I've been consumed by gloom and doom, maybe it's time to take shrooms, trip and live a little, am I the grape skittle, u know the one no one likes, why is our relationship defined by fights, it's like my life ghosted me, I'm a late bloomer while ya'll progress precociously, and boy am I stubborn, or a punishment glutton, constantly reimagining anecdotes, trying to provide inspiration insight truth love and hope, cuz everything appears dark and dreary, people are hanging on by a thread barely, it's quite scary, and I consider myself a brave radical fairy, my partner must learn to share me, this light shouldn't be dimmed, let's start over and rebegin, I know I can do much better, let's write each other more love letters, I want to make u feel special, cuz ur super sexy and insanely incredible, but now somehow I've neglected myself, I seriously need help, therapy and meds aren't enough, what if we're perpetually cursed with bad luck, there's a limit to how much shit a person can take, I guess we can all be fake, everything in moderation right, do u think it's impossible to do hip hop if ur gay and white, is there some kind of unspoken rule I never knew, it's 2018 I figured there'd already at least be a few, #metoo, why do minorities lose, women of course as the majority are the exception, what if existence is inception, how do we know if we're in the matrix or real and awake, one inexplicable question I can't shake, what came first the egg or the chicken, do u ever wish u could give God a good ass kicking, I'm not trying to be funny, why do we repeatedly sacrifice happiness for money, thinking we can buy it, who came up with the idea to deep fry shit, there are so many magnificent anomalies and divine wonders, humanity's original sin creates thunderous blunders, just look at global warming, imagine if oil came with a warning, produces smog which kills the ozone and mother nature, technological inventions are supposed to make us more efficient and society greater, not used for evil, every single person alive should be treated regal, with a certain decency and respect, technically we're all cops and it's our job to serve and protect, remember it takes a village, don't rape kill loot or pillage, but patience is the ultimate virtue, be careful tho cuz karma will still come back around and hurt u!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
3/27/18 

Done Dating Deadbeats/The Great Divide

I can admit my flaws mistakes and defeat, done dating deadbeats, users and moochers, insecure semi closeted paranoid losers, who never accept responsibility, act all kiddishly silly, grow the fuck up, cuz everyone hits patches of bad luck, that's life, filled with pain plight and strife, getting cheated on and hurt bites, but doesn't give u permission or the right, to continue the vicious cycle, because of him I don't feel talented enough to tryout for The Voice or American Idol, abuse comes in various forms, he gaslighted me so long it became norm, but I'm better now, I don't really know exactly how, yet like Pac says "still I rise", he manipulates guilt trips and lies, relationships are all about communication and compromise, sick of him walking away as he quietly avoids and hides, at this point I'd rather be alone, than be with someone who can't even fit in time with me on the phone, his folks are anti gay, filling him up with rejection mistrust and hate, unfortunately he has never known what true unconditional love is, I'd forgive him in a heartbeat with a simple sorry hug and kiss, god damn it too u fool, I want some steamy hot sex with my boo, like we used to do, but after all the shit we've gone thru, it seems like the fight to stay together's just a waste, why couldn't he try to make more of an effort to change, what's funny is him calling me lazy, sick of him telling me I'm crazy, when he's the one misremembering or making false assumptions, he's got a lot of ballsy gumption, to question me and my past, he's a pain in the ass crass trash with only sarcasm and sass, it's his defense mechanism to hide behind insults and criticism, yes Judgmental Judy never listens, just lays down the law, he's depressed and unhappy cuz he's broke at home again lonely and bored, since he can't drive, and most of his supposed friends are shocked he's even alive, he's def a hunky junky, prefers me to be his chunky monkey, or Italian meatball, health is how u sleep and eat ya'll, take care of urself, don't be afraid to ask for help, I could care less about lack of wealth, does a love life also have a shelf, when is enough enough, monogamy is rough and tough, but totally worth it, to me he was absolutely perfect, he couldn't see he was getting in our way, existence isn't about all work and no play, everyday he's in a bad mood, has this irritated annoyed attitude, misdirecting and projecting his anger, when we broke up he said if we saw each other out to pretend we're strangers, he can't be my friend, when will this torture end, why can't I simply let go, perhaps he curses the day he met Joe, but I cherish the memories, I prefer not to have enemies, and I don't cut people out ghost or bench, I'll miss the stench of his presence, wish things turned out differently, I was always there for him instantly and willingly, when nobody else was, my goatee needs to be buzzed, cuz it's another reminder of him, giving up on love is the ultimate sin, I refuse to lose hope and faith, I will no longer wait for those slow fake flakes, many people talk the dreams, yet their walk has no steam, so victimized and unmotivated, bitter envious jealousy has hypnotized ya'll numb and jaded, while I'm elevating evolving moving on and forward toward a bright exciting future, open but not looking for better partners and suitors, imagine if humans could be spayed and neutered, what if the world's marriage gurus became counselors and tutors, maybe the divorce rate wouldn't be so high, right now we are at a period I like to call "The Great Divide"!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
3/16/18

Respectfully Cherish & Mourn Jeff's Gone

Death's destiny, but there isn't one single childhood memory, that does't include Jeff, at least the moments I cherish best, he was a great person and an even better dad, altho he wasn't my own his passing is equally tragic and sad, I'm still kind of in shock, guess that clock does go tick tock, like my pops says all the time, when the page with ur name on it comes up in ur book there's no reason or rhyme, while we're left behind, always treat people kind, cuz u don't know what they're going thru, yes u can literally walk in another person's shoes, but metaphorically speaking, let's celebrate Jeff's spirit leaving, finally at peace, with other loved ones who've deceased, hope u can find some comfort in that, nobody has the power to bring him back, now we have an angel watching over us, making him proud is another reason to follow passions and guts, I don't wanna rule the world I wanna lead it, why don't ya'll deeply feel shit, guys sympathize too, they simply aren't emotionally wooed or ruled, I'm sorry not sorry if ya'll are uncouth, or if u can't handle the truth, life is hard, u gotta be both book and street smart, cuz one will only get u so far, don't u wanna leave a long lasting legacy or an epic mark, I know I do for sure, it doesn't make me a bad guy for wanting it all or more, I'm overzealously driven, isn't being extremely stubborn as an Italian Gemini a given, basically common sense, can someone tell me where our soul went, or our collective conscious conscience, we must always fight for loved ones the fallen and forgotten, cuz soldiers are the real heroes, toeing the front line facing ground zero, visualizing war, more than half don't even know what they're fighting for, all that blood and gore, lifeless bodies galore washed ashore, it's all devastatingly stunning, innocents' cries and screams while running from blazing and roaring gunning, it's utter chaos and sheer fear, nobody's spared, even millions who weren't even there, anyone who uve ever touched cares, even those faces of names u can't remember, or the stranger u smiled at and it made their day better, u must take responsibility for urself, raising kids takes a village's help, Jeff was the Patriarch of his family, he always spoke sarcastically but candidly, I'll miss his intense presence, behind that rough exterior he was optimistically pragmatic and pleasant, always busy quietly doing stuff, even in crisis he was cool calm collected yet tough, he loved taking care of the pool, and having a huge trampoline was the crown jewel, playing home run derby capture the flag hide and go seek basketball and volleyball too, looking back lately I've been such a spoiled fool/tool, having grown up on a dead end street, gives me a ridiculously lucky history that can't be beat, with so many kids around the same age, those weren't just the good but the great ole days, what happened to them, for the next generations' sake I hope we get them again, I think Jeff would want it that way, for his friends and family I pray, respectfully cherish and mourn, try to stay strong, tho I know he's gone, he continues to live on, thru sharing our stories of him, right now I'm picturing Jeff cracking a joke and that grin, still can't believe I'm saying R.I.P., way more than just a neighbor or friend u were like a second father to me!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
3/9/18 

Way Gay Certified & Nerdified Rap God

Could God stop his silent treatment and just tell me what to do, why so much atrocity pain and suffering we all go thru, maybe instead of resting on the 7th day he should've spent that on compassion, if he exists when will he take some action, seems evil has conquered good, and just when u think we're out of the woods, something else bad happens, do u think the Lord's looking down on us laughing, enjoying watching us squirm, repeat history cyclically cuz we never learn, does He really expect us to pray and pay homage, I swear Earth is a prison and bodies are our soul's bondage, we're simply trapped, "footprints in the sand" implies He's got our back, we're supposed to believe in faith, how is our destiny truly made, free will or divine intervention, heaven hell purgatory or reincarnation weren't mentioned, what's after death, bright white lights angels loved ones or a deep dark quiet black nothingness, there's exponential answers aloof to humanity, why is rap all about misogyny ghetto gangster mentality and profanity, can't artists mature grow elevate evolve and get wise, stop with the gimmicky tricky lies and image/reputation compromise, be yourself, knowing ur strong suit skills and what u want helps, dreams can turn to reality, if u don't let hope tragically      become a casualty, let ur passions thrive, living isn't just being alive, take chances and risks, gotta get ur head out of the sand mind out the gutter and ur feelings out the abyss, quit it with the shameful embarrassed repression, getting a job can lift u out that depression, so ur not bored all the damn time, I don't agree with the saying it pays to be kind, actually assholes make more, like drug dealers and whores, when looking in the mirror what do u see, a reflection of someone ur proud to be, totally independent and free, unconsumed by fame and greed, or is ur smile not as genuine as it may seem, I'm too competitively stubborn to accept defeat, unfortunately failure is common, could u survive on pb&j sandwiches mac and cheese beer and ramen, take a trip down memory lane at college, what's more important street smarts or book knowledge, can we have it all, am I glutton for punishment getting up again and again after I fall, a masochist who self sabotages, I give fab massages, altho I never got licensed or certified, when did cool become gay or nerdified, I have trouble with the idea that every day is blessing, even religious extremists are messing I'm guessing, if they say their perfect, do ya'll think the elderly handicapped or poor are worth it, how bout we're all equal, do u too get annoyed by sheeple, where are the revolutionary leaders, or the sooth sayers fortune tellers and seers, can they exist, the universe took a huge shift, but in the opposite wrong direction, perhaps we're a cancerous infection, destroying everything in our path, it sucks to be a lovey dovey romantic chivalrous nice guy who always finishes last!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
3/8/18

Forever Ever & Always Bubba

I know we fight an awful lot
But I give u all the light I've got
When ur lost in the dark
Follow the beating of  my bleeding heart
We're connected at the soul
Without u there's a huge hole
And I feel so incomplete
Losing u means I must accept defeat
My life ain't the same unless ur in it
Our relationship status is no one else's business
Please let's just forgive each other
Go back to when we were unconditional lovers
I need u in my life
To help deaql with the endless pain and strife
I trust u completely
Let's share the responsibility equally
Neither one of us are perfect
However we are absolutely both worth it
Maybe on day our situation will change
But I will still love u bubba forever ever and always


Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
3/6/18

Both Deserve Better Cuz We're Not Happy Together

U walked away for the last time, perhaps I've been too generous forgiving and kind, all I feel is neglected and used, I'm sick of this abuse, let's look at our individual histories, I have life long connections while urs are a mystery, go ahead and cut me out ur life, it just proves I'm right, at least I had the balls to fight, I'm amazed with all ur negativity how I even still have some love and light, we can't be soulmates since u don't have a soul, ur so superficial u know, ur never romantic or get deep, u won't sow but expect to reap, I may be cheep, but at least I can drive a jeep, I'm not ur errand bitch, I don't like ur hypocritical double standards one bit, ur completely delusional and misremember facts and order of events, I'm sick of listening to u complain but u won't let me vent, u rant and rave thru texts, but ur shallow stories are moderately boring at best, u tell me things like this person hit on u like I care, I don't let my relationships be ruled by fear, I trust u 100 percent, there u go falsely accusing me of lying cheating and talking to other men again, why can't u stop with the assumptions, u have some nerve and gumption, to say I don't care, don't u fucking dare, let's look at who brings what to the table, I am fully capable and able to be self sufficient and sustainable, I can achieve fulfilling both my wants and needs, I go after my passions and dreams, I'm done be punished, ur not even remotely funnish, now u expect me to be a sober prude recluse, it's always some lame excuse, I'm sick of ur unemployment and health issues, I've damn near run out of tissues, I refuse to keep sweeping problems under the rug, in this situation my love just ain't enough, I hate the silent treatment and quiet games, along with driving in general but especially at night or in snow or rain, I can't stand ur prejudiced parents, ull never ever change and that's apparent, u make me so angry and give me anxiety, I've been there thru thick and thin and always made u my #1 priority, but wasn't appreciated, I feel devalued and depreciated, ever since we met, it's been nothing but bickering criticism insults and threats, perhaps we're simply not compatible, ur effort's been laughable, if heartbreaking was funny, when will u reimburse me all that borrowed money, u probably won't, dating ex addicts who've been cheated on before isn't condoned, don't even invest ur energy, guess since we can't be together I'm ur enemy, I'm sure this for u is similar to how it's always ended, I'll soon be blocked and unfriended, I know it might seem hard to tell, but I do love u wish u well, maybe someday ull figure out the things u really want, cuz I feel completely misled strung along and conned, I am getting help, but u make me feel so bad about myself, I'm a genuine good decent person, uve got me so vengefully enraged I wanna return all the hurting, cuz no matter what I do, ur bossy controlling vindictive sarcastic and rude, u have a flawed and screwed truth, wish u would fade disappear and become aloof, out of sight out of mind, think it's important for me to be single mingle and see what else I can find, we both deserve better, we're obviously not happy together. 

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
3/2/18

Even A Putz Of A Dunce Lives Once

Some months and years are better than others, apparently I talk in my sleep snore hogging all the pillows and covers, I don't like to annoyingly nag judgmentally criticized or motherly hover, I shudder at the thought of winding up poor in the gutter, I've got too much talent drive and ambition, but how do I make the transition, from average Joe Shmo to successful hip hop superstar, not interested in big houses bling bling or fancy stupid cars, but because my kinky fetishes are kept quietly clandestine, I gotta ask ya'll this one mildly deep wicked personal damn question, what makes u horny enough to get off, more than half ya'll jaws would drop ud be offended or shockingly cough, that's if u didn't simply walk away or punch my lights out, some people's natural defense mechanism is to run their mouths while others bout, personally I never thought war or violence solved any issue, I'd rather smoke a blunt instead then hug and kiss u, continue to spread Truth, Love & Consciousness, what is with all this cognitive obnoxiousness, constant hating and discriminating, embarrassment/shaming from failing needs eliminating, get off ur moral high horses faking happy all smug, why's a rapper gotta be a gangster or a trailer park uneducated thug, pushing misogyny vulgarities and drugs, I'm from middle class america a college educated masculine gay white guy and it sucks, no one gives me a chance opportunity nor respect, music fans are fickle and quickly forget, how much hard work dedication and money it takes, thinking my career was handed to me on a silver platter/gold plate, so much assumption, balls guts gall and gumption, believing what u read makes u an expert that knows me, sit back relax and let ur mind go free, follow my lyrical lead, listen to and be moved by my soul food please, I leave my heart blood sweat and tears on that stage, being caged makes us enraged, decrease in value as we age, I won't calm down counting to 10 breathing sniffing sage, when will society be paid a livable wage, we're basically robotic slaves, doing repetitive monotonous shit for countless days, I understand no one said life was fair, but I dare u to care, we're all here and have fear, no one's invincibly spared, why only appreciate me and my art after I die, do u believe in celebrities being Illuminati or double o spies, I fight for what's right, letting my love and light shine bright, helping the forgotten see thru the darkness, giving up wealth along with its financial safety and security is the hardest, u can't take it all to the grave, sometimes I find u should be brave and misbehave, break laws and rules, after all existence religious history could be a ruse, don't manifest destiny that we're screwed, even tho we've been persecuted and abuse, good will triumph over evil, stop being ignorant feeble sheeple, stand up and achieve, ur hopes wishes and dreams, it may be improbable but nothing is impossible, unyielding strength and faith is what makes heroes unstoppable, never give up, cuz u can change ur luck, just gotta risk and take a chance, enjoy every moment rejoice smile celebrate sing and dance, we only live once, so try not to regretfully sit on the sidelines u putz of a dunce!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
3/1/18   

Pragmatic Realist Vs. The Evilest Elitist

When it comes to work I'm either floored, or straight up bored, no real in between, why are bosses so mean, do we really need a job at all, the rise of robots will be humanity's fall, is it just paranoid intuition, Terminator 2 will come to fruition, will technology turn against us, can one be built that actually loves, AI is fascinatingly scary, ya'll say ur listening but do u hear me, look at the warning signs, I feel like we're mourning minds, no longer taught to think, common sense seems almost extinct, business ethics has no heart, it doesn't pay to be scholastically smart, I don't find it funny, how education is more about making money, rather than preparing and training, the fair and equal distribution of wealth is waning, it's only in the hands of a few, no one person should have more than a billion dollars should be the law/rule, aren't u confused too, tired of this perpetual rude abuse, fools and tools to use, the truth is a ruse, walk a mile in my shoes, to understand how I'm screwed, being both gay and white, makes it improbable to be a successful hip hop star which ain't right, I'm willing to fight, spread positivity and light, instead of that whack rap crap shat, I have the natural ability talent and knack, for rhythm and poetry, I wonder if that acronym was created knowingly, or if it's a simple coincidence, stop persecuting minorities that are innocents, we're all born with original sin, the game of life shouldn't be conditional to win, happiness comes with fulfillment, kicking the can down the line is crippling our children, they're consumed by insurmountable debt, taxes in my opinion are legalized theft, our government's inept, my poor boyfriend hasn't slept, why doesn't anyone give a damn, about the fact that insurance is a scam, digital is killing music, online sites and apps have ruined cupid, the internet's become a dumb numb catalog of fakeness and illusion, how has this administration not been found guilty of collusion, enough is enough, if we don't change we're fucked, running out of luck, most of us are stuck, in the same place we started, perhaps God is retarded, uncompassionate without empathy, most don't contemplate the deep things like purpose nor legacy, I've been given this self motivational drive, to not just simply be alive but to thrive, constantly wearing a smile, it's hard to ignore the hateful bile, or the venom spewed, I think it's time for corporations to lose, I want socialism, Earth is a total prison, or maybe just our bodies are, imagine a world with only public transit no cars, perhaps we're too spoiled, this industrial revolutionary machine isn't well oiled, it's outdated and obsolete, don't pander to a cowards need, let's go back to the days presidents were the generals leading the battles in wars, politicians are lying cheating whores, can't we learn from history instead of repeating it cyclically, my perception's jaded cynically, from consistent failure, I can't put my hope and faith into a second coming of Jesus our savior, I don't believe in exaggerated tall tales, any and all happily-ever-after fables, cuz I'm a pragmatic realist, elitists are the evilest, I'd rather live humble and modest to be honest, watch out Trump's a very good con artist, paving the road to destruction, like a wall's gonna do something, I can't believe this is happening, this is not a joke nobody should be laughing, ya'll should be scared, crying tears of fear, the beginning of the end is near, if it's not already here.

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
2/27/18

The Future's Balance Hangs On Change

How do I get the public's attention, is there something I'm failing to mention, give me a topic to talk about, otherwise I don't know how, I can manage to get my numbers up, I try to spread truth consciousness and love, why not have a successful gay white rapper singer songwriter, I'm also and lgbtq activist and an equality fighter, trying to be a revolutionary leader, totally original not a copycat artist gimmicky lip-syncy lyrical stealer, some people have proclaimed me a poetic genius/word nerd, a lack of sales and applause hurts worse, then just saying u simply don't like rap, but have a listen first at least cuz I don't like whack crap, I've got a real knack and actual talent, I'm a genuine gentleman/nice polite scholar that's valiant, kind courteous moral compassionate and empathetic, I hate uncompetitive rhetoric, what's the moral or message to ur song, I want my music to be timelessly classic and emotionally strong, debatable and relatable, I'm relocatable elastic and amiable, breaking boundaries down, prophetically sarcastic sassy witty and profound, uncensored unedited unfiltered and loud, a masculine homo bro not so average Joe unafraid to be brave and bout, I stand up for what's right, I try to shine my light bright, so the whole world can see, let it help guide ya'll to me, even the rejected wallflowers and the ostracized outcasts, I'm building a virtuous righteous legacy that somehow sustains and lasts, it's not about my sexuality or color of my skin, let's all treat each other like mothers fathers sisters and brothers or kin, teach the next generation, to defeat hatred and discrimination, make sure they learn history, the truth shouldn't be an unsolvable mystery, speak ur heart ur soul and ur mind, explore different destinations and cultures to see what u find, fuck social media and photographs, stop hiding behind screens and those masks, be proud of who u are, don't get consumed by money having big houses and a fancy car, there's way more to life than material possessions, let fulfillment and true happiness be ur obsessions, quit the drugs and violence, don't be complicit with ur silence, go after the dreams u believe in, if u put ur mind to it and try u can achieve em, have hope and faith, manage being extremely aggressive or too passive u over wait, health is about diet and exercise, is it better to be scholastically or street wise, why not both, our character is dependent upon how we adapt and cope, u shouldn't make decisions based on fear, imagine if I could share a real live care bear stare, shooting rays of love from my belly to defeat evil, sheeple are feeble, at some point u have to determine and decide a side, stick to ur guns and enjoy the ride, I'm not talking about ammunitioned arms, live by the golden rule and do no harm, I may be dropping bombs, heed my warnings I'm sounding the alarms, we need to awaken and change, retract our animalistic claws and fangs, having the power is overwhelming and strange, but it's time to rely on individual action cuz that's where the future's balance hangs!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
2/23/18

Are We Naive Or Plain Stupid

Ya'll need professional help, if u think we're victimizing ourselves, just to throw our gay agenda in ur face, intolerant religious extremists are a fucking disgrace, it's not even a lil political, actually ur hypocritical, which conservatives say liberals are, ur whole mentality is a farce, incomprehensible and illogical, do u really think Trump is the ideal role model, America is not a business, is anyone else asking what is this, how did we get this far gone, democracy isn't something I'm ready to mourn, I still have hope and faith, that somehow someway things will change, go back to normal, instead of divisiveness we'll be polite and cordial, learn to agree to disagree, go back to being the land of the free, and not just speech, but with the opportunity to strive and reach, dreams can become a reality, as long as belief doesn't become a casualty, the only person u have to prove anything to is u, it isn't what u say but if ur brave enough to do, otherwise ull be filled with regret, always try to give ur best, that's how u measure success, don't hide behind sarcasm and jest, it's not an excuse to be lazy nor complacent, if u wait til ur old and ancient, u might not have the energy or strength, to go the distance or length, and achieve those goals, do u feel fulfilled deep within ur soul, happiness can be found, even after uve failed or fallen down, in fact it's more profound, fuck the amount in ur bank account, it isn't indicative of the true value or worth of life, there's no competition or prize for who has overcome the most pain plight and strife, we all go thru shit, whatever higher power exists seems sadistically abusive, but we must also take responsibility too, for acting a silly fool, mistakes and accidents happen, I don't thing God's looking down laughing, still I can't help but wonder why, the level of awful atrocity and tragedy can't subside, perhaps maybe humanity, is synonymous with insanity/calamity, we never seem to learn, the truth is often hard to discern, even tho history repeats, will capitalism ever meet defeat, no one person should have more than a billion dollars, what happened to revolutionary artists and scholars, our government's been corrupted, like a volcano evil has erupted, guess good finally lost, apparently was bought but at what cost, we sold our hearts, and become numb slave-like robots, hard work no longer pays, are we approaching the end of days, why don't we heed the warning, of man made problems like debt and global warming, are we that naive or plain stupid, homos haven't destroyed the sanctity of marriage or killed cupid, shouldn't we all have the natural right to love, when is enough enough, please before it's too late, we need to make our fate great, the power is within us, we just must find the courage and guts, what sort of legacy do ya'll want to leave, are we that gullibly easy to deceive, looking back on the past what do u see, do one small deed and plant a seed, nourish it and watch it grow, after all we really ought to know, as the infamous saying goes, we only reap what we sow!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
2/22/18

Growing Pains As We Fall From Grace

I literally fell down the stairs, and both my folks were concerned and scared, even tho I'm only 35, there's no age u can't die, it may seem like I'm over exaggerating the circumstances, but it will be a while before this body works out stretches or dances, I laid flat on my back, hours on a heating pad, thank god for Aleve, making it possible for me to get a good night sleep, what sucks is I was just getting over the flu, seems no matter what I do I'm screwed, this was such a stupid incident, it was really silly and innocent, was simply going to get myself a drink, it's not like I was on an ice rink, perhaps socks on carpet weren't a good idea, now I'm consumed by paranoia and fear, every time now, I wonder how, I could've been so foolish, ignorant and toolish, believing I was invincible, do u ever wish u were invisible, totally immune to damages, never needing bandages, cuz u can't be scraped or scarred, this administration needs to be impeached and disbarred, so much corruption, the balls and gumption, is actually quite astonishingly shocking, SNL is having a field day knocking and mocking, it's a comedian's wet dream, what would be ur ultimate best team, Olivia vs. Annalise, who's the bigger beast, both are brilliant powerful women, maybe they can fix what men didn't, like society and fairness, when did government become fiscally careless, not to mention our elections, our democracy used to have check and balance protections, but they're being slowly eroded, seems like rational progressive common sensed thinking people have folded, America's thrown out all logic and reason, we may never know if there's real collusion or treason, seems the dark ages are cyclically circling around again, there's division even among family and friends, we're officially a mess, everyone's overworked frustrated and stressed, nobody can get ahead, baby boomers are more valuable dead, and poor gen x, won't have much more success, while the millennials will be stuck in outrageous debt, what if the expression was u give what u get, instead of the reverse, maybe humanity is cursed, I know we're born with original sin, but when does the 99% get a chance to win, we've been shitted on, outwitted and conned, trying to do what's right, what if all minorities were to unite and fight, perhaps then good would reconquer evil, the world is over populated with too many sheeple, where are all the revolutionary leaders, inspirational/motivational speakers, like MLK Tupac or Harvey Milk, progress isn't smooth like butter or silk, it's bumpy and bloody, the future is neither funny or sunny, maybe these are just growing pains, as we fall from grace, while we become robotic slaves, I think things will get much much worse before we collectively awake and change!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
2/21/18 

Wrestling WIth Reflection

When it comes to true love is forgiveness limitless, I can see our future happily-ever-after lives together forever with such wicked vividness, whenever I'm with him, I feel we can simply rebegin, start all over again, maybe this time slow things down and first be best friends, minus the financial responsibility, perhaps then there won't be constant instability, bickering and stupid fights, it could be we simply aren't compatibly right, like we initially thought, certain kinks and fetishes can't be taught, sometimes not even understood, I wish I could have sex like a normal person should, and not have all these rap superstar dreams, I've taken the time to find out my wants and needs, lived life, gone thru heartache pain and strife, made many many mistakes, failed and caught breaks, I'm both book and street smart, got tons of empathy soul and a big heart, but nice guys finish last, why am I so haunted by my past, it doesn't matter now, I keep asking myself who what when where and how, I'm shrouded by a dark cloud, why does it seem I'm not allowed, like success is impervious to me, if the best things in life are free, I only got the worst, he's gone for 2 weeks and it hurts, guess I was wrong, didn't know what I had til it was gone, altho he'll be back, what about the trust we lack, for a month we've been apart, going back and forth over what was the start, blaming one another, sinking to new lows deep in the gutter, hitting below the waist, reacting out of anger in haste, saying horrible things we didn't mean, perhaps we're missing the relationship gene, or maybe we're cursed, have u too been fucked over by the universe, that karma is a bitch, sometimes people need to find their groove or niche, the purpose or reason they exist, sooner or later we all need to stop resorting to tricks and gimmicks, there are no short cuts to success, I think everybody is secretly a mess, some just know how to fake it well, say shit's swell, hiding behind a wide smile, wish destiny and fate were unbridled, but they aren't, I'm the pacifist type showing up to war unarmed, at least without guns knives or bombs, it's amazing how a person's energy soothes and calms, almost like magic, yes loss is tragic, but much is learned, I'm impatient for my turn, my 15 minutes, we just started how can we already be finished, let's give u and I, one last try, I'm not gonna lie, I've gotten many sighs and rolled eyes, but it's ok tho, that's the way it goes, we can agree to disagree, please no I told u sos or pity, let's act like adults, was ur gay marriage peacefully divorced or annulled, that's what we get, hetero-normatively hexed, perhaps it's just not meant to be, all we can do is wait and see, oh the mystery of history's reflection, it's like watching Lucifer and Jesus wrestling, the never ending battle between good and evil, sorry not sorry but neither of us care about the opinions of other people, nor their judgments, why make drama where there wasn't, social media definitely doesn't help, we needed to take time to focus on bettering ourselves!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
2/12/18

Art Inspired By My Proverbial Teardrop/Needle

I have many parts to my heart, some belong to just me while others I share thru art, but that's only one lil piece, a teardrop lost in a sea, don't take shit out of context, sometimes I miss the mark and don't jest my best, my sarcasticness comes off all wrong, everything in life inspires poems and songs, but I need to learn when to use my mouth, better pick my bouts, gotta shut up, cuz my gut simply doesn't give 2 fucks, what other people think, this violet doesn't shrivel or shrink, sorry not sorry ur life stinks, I'm jealous of those who can wink, and have a nice head of hair, let's play strip truth or dare, get to really know each other, we can be best friends and lovers, tell our deepest darkest fantasies secrets and crazy dreams, I wanna find my other half to complete our team, existence is much more difficult alone, I grew up in an amazing home, both parents a sister and a huge extended family, why do ya'll act manipulative and underhandedly, even if u get what u want u didn't earn it, haven't u figured it out yet there's no such thing as balanced or perfect, it's a motivational illusion like religion, I feel like Earth is a complex prison system, trapped like our conscious soul is to our body, what happened to the good old fashioned keg party, the internet's made everyone antisocial, I can't help it I'm overemotional, super deep analytical and a lil prophetically profound, I'm relatable, ready willing able and capable, to become an epic classic legendary fairy-tail/fable, it takes work to stay mentally stable and financially sustainable, existence isn't cheap, when u sow u reap, that's why hindsight's a bitch, do u ever have an impossible to scratch itch, where u just can't reach, some things u can't teach and shouldn't preach, certain experiences need to be had, to truly understand a lesson or reason why good or bad, we may have free will but not total control, what's worse drinking and smoking cigs versus a blunt bong rips or a few bowls, marijuana isn't evil sheeple, will u prove urselves to be weak gullible and feeble, the US is a haystack Kevin was a needle, maybe time passing will help to heal, they do say to let love go and see if it comes back, perhaps we've had too tumultuous of a past, I thought our relationship together would forever last, but situations and paths change fast, before we know it we're headed in completely different directions, u can't save me by overprotecting, even tho I'm sad and hope it isn't over, finally breaking apart peacefully is a relief/weight off my shoulders!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
2/2/18

There's No Hope Time To Let Him Go

Said what I needed to say, but I still don't wanna just push u away, chalk it up to bad timing, I gotta concentrate on paying bills and rhyming, everything else comes second, I came running every time u called or beckoned, but it was never enough, u always questioned the extent of my love, ur past relationships ruined ur ability to trust, I think at first we were consumed by lust, but our roles weren't compatible, our bickering was laughable, but I never questioned our future together, I thought we made each other better, however things went south when u lost ur job, then it seems something else bad happened and the curve balls didn't stop, next was ur failing health, I didn't have the wealth, to support u for months on end, plus u wouldn't change or bend, it was up to me, now I'm set free, yet I don't wanna be, I just want u to deal with ur problems and find peace, while I try to face failure and defeat, I beat myself up every minute of every day, I wait and pray, for some sort of miracle to occur, cuz I'm captivated by ur allure, ur the man of my fantasies and dreams, but things aren't always what they seem, who u are around others, isn't who u are alone with just ur lover, ur mostly tired and in pain, will this hurt ever wane, I'm heartbroken and furious, I tend to go overboard with wordiness, but I'm trying to get my point across, ur my partner not my savior or boss, I often felt neglected stifled and controlled, I've lost a huge chunk of my heart and soul, afraid of becoming old and alone, never finding my own happy home, without u I feel incomplete, miss laying at his feet, cuddling watching tv mostly Charmed, I wouldn't wish destruction or intentionally harmed, I feel awful about the way I handled things, so much sorrow dismantling brings, I can't make it thru a day without crying, I know we're all dying, but losing him is suffocatingly crushing, I definitely won't be diving in or rushing, it's gonna take a very long long time to heal, these past few weeks I've awoken hoping it all wasn't real, I don't know what's next, I feel extremely cursed and hexed, way way less than my best, like I failed life's test, I guess this is what I deserved and earned, altho there are many lessons about myself I've learned, I can't make sense of a good reason or meaning, why are we leaving if it's causing grieving, I don't wanna let him go, but I've simply run out of patience faith and hope!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
2/1/18

Love & Care For Each Other But Not Friends Or Lovers

Back to insults and threats, he deserves everything he gets, and I don't feel bad at all, I was there for countless falls, but it was never enough, guess financial support isn't an expression of love, or driving u around for free, what was the last nice thing uve said or done for me, I'm sick of having to defend myself, u need professional help, u have no idea what the word partner means, belittling my fantasies ambition passion and dreams, is straight up selfish, the last 9 months were hellish, u have no idea what I've sacrificed and compromised, I'm tired of ur false accusations of cheating and lies, broken promises happen, but not following thru is ur talent, as well as manipulating the situation and misrecollecting true events, u see when making good arguments there's this thing called evidence, and it's based on actual facts, we're supposed to have each other's backs, but u can't save me from life, nor atrocity pain plight or strife, no one learns from other people's lessons, instead of complaining so much count ur blessings, I've been more than patient and kind, all this silent quiet waiting is driving me out of my mind, u don't deal with problems by walking away, or sweeping them up under the rug I'm afraid, u gotta want to be the change, maybe the hostility and resentment fades or wanes, perhaps time can heal and mend, we're always misunderstanding what the other meant, that's why texting isn't effective, a marriage is like a college sex isn't just a simple elective, it's a necessity/need, to earn and receive a degree, neither of us can afford our own place, we're letting what was once love turn to hate, but I'm done being taken for granted and neglected, I wanna feel wanted liked lusted safe and protected, stop with the judgments and shame, playing my heart like a game, I believed we were connected by our souls, seems we're both haunted by our pasts' ghosts, neither of us can let go, accept we have no control, and move on peacefully, I feel like I lost of piece of me, perhaps it's cuz he was my first, I think that's what makes the hurt worse, I still wish him well and good luck, but we can't be together with no trust, we can still love and care for each other, guess we unfortunately can't be best friends tho or monogamous lovers!

Peace and 1,
Joe Conscious
1/31/18